are there any recovered alcoholics here?

[Faithgirl]

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Greetings. My fiance/boyfriend is an alcoholic, it's been sometimes hell dealing with him. I need some support. He is gone right now, supposedly waiting for his name to come up on the waiting list for rehab (inpatient) he is signed up there, I sent in the paperwork myself.

I am sitting here alone and brokenhearted, just need a pep talk I guess.

thanks.

[houghchrst]

Hi Faithgirl and welcome. I am a recovering alcoholic. Not a drink in almost 12 yrs.

I have a brother who is an alcoholic and I lost my mom to alcoholism last year.

I don't think there are too many people who have not been touched by alcoholism in some way. Friend, coworker, family.

Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? There are many groups, centers and churches that have these meetings for friends and family of an alcoholic.

They can be a wonderful support system and getting the rest of the family involved might be a good idea. Check the website to see if there is one near you.

Just remember that you cannot control him, you cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Ultimatums may work but unless he wants it also it will not work so do not make threats unless you absolutely plan to go through with it. Do not enable him. I know it is hard when you love someone so much. I know you probably wrack your brain trying to think of what you can do or say to make him stop but there isn't a whole lot you can do. You need to learn how to be supportive without being enabling. There is a fine line.

He can also attend AA meetings and you can go with him. It would be a start while he is waiting to get in.

Keep us updated as to how things are going.

[tigerchef1969]

Houghchrst! is right on! 4 1/2 years sober! loving life! Loving my family and I love who I am again, It takes a long time but it only happens if the person want's it to happen! God Bless!!

[Montyjack]

hold onto your screen name idea, Faithgirl

I want to offer some support, too. I do hope your fiance/boyfriend is able to get into the inpatient program soon. Sadly, during these extended holiday weekends, offices close, paperwork doesn't move, and you have to maintain your own footing. Another poster referenced Al-Anon; my daughter went to those meetings when I was a drunk, and they let her vent. Please understand AA can help, but there are trust issues you have to evaluate on your own. Not all groups will respect anonymity, regardless of what is promised.

Dealing with an alcoholic has got to be one of the roughest battles ever, because alcoholics will be untruthful until they make up their minds to do it for themselves. You'll be blamed for any failure, since the person you care for wants to drink more than he wants sobriety. Till HE changes that, brace yourself with friends and activities that give you joy, or at least help you not be drawn into argument or enabling. Try to avoid being drawn into that "poor me" pity behavior that some seem to wallow in. YOU haven't made the choice to drink; someone else has that disease. Write here; sample other groups; hold on.

Don't give up, but do care for yourself. Prayers are with you.