I've gone from Soc. Security claims adjudicator to claimant

[Smiling Angel]

Hi friends, good to see the site up and running. Now all we need here are contributing members! I see you all have had a slow go of it since you came back online, but hopefully things will pick up and gain momentum as you go on. While I still and will always have CP, I am just learning to live with it....I did want to let my friends here know that I finally brought my husband home from the hospital today! Yes, it's been almost 3 months to the day since I brought him to the crisis center, and that is, in our opinion, way too long. I wish I could say we're home free and everything is coming up roses, but that is not the reality of the situation. I believe that he is still on way too many psych meds, and I will be taking him to his doctor ASAP. He is very, very subdued and quiet, which isn't him, really, but at least he is not either manic or terribly depressed, and has no thoughts of self-harm. It will take time, but he will make it.

Now, as to the title of this thread, I have applied for S.S. Disability, after doing the job for five years! Kind of weird. My DH applied and was approved shortly after he was admitted to the psych hospital, so that leaves me. Not only do I have CP, I also have depression and PTSD adult ADHD, without the -H- :o. As I figured would happen, I received a letter just the other day informing me of a consultative psych exam next Thursday. I expected this, as I had gotten reports from my own psych doc for other clmts while I was an adjudicator, and he doesn't really write very much on the forms that are sent out to the doctors. Knowing the rules, although my job was sedentary, it is rated a skill degree of 7 out of 10 on the rating scale, and I only have to be found to have a moderate psych impairment to be awarded disability due to my 'advanced age' --- since when is 59 considered 'advanced age'??? :ambivalence: See, the way the decision grid works is that if a person around 60 is found to have a moderate psych impairment, then he/she is only able to perform UNSKILLED work (rated a 1 or a 2), but my adv. age makes it hard to re-train me for another job. Even if I wanted to, there's no way I would ever go to work now and leave DH home alone! I am still re-living that awful night of our fire, when I opened my bedroom door to thick flames and smoke, and I know I haven't really had time to grieve the loss of our daughter...

So there you have it, a summary of my life as it is now, bumps in the road and all. I sure hope my DH will come around and be moe like himself. One thing I know for sure - there is no way he wants to go back into a psych hospital. Those places are like prisons, and it will certainly take time for him to re-enter the 'real world'.

I won't be around much, but will always have you guys in my heart, and will try to stop back every now and then.

Hugs to all, Jacquie

[Diandra]

Dear Jacquie,
Thanks for the update on how you are doing. I am very happy to hear your husband is now home. I hope your husband
feels more himself as he acclimates to being back home. You are in my prayers. Sorry for the brief note, I am just going
to bed but wanted to say hi and let you know I am thinking of you.
Take care, Diandra

[Mark N]

Jacquie, it is good to hear from you and to hear your husband is coming home. You have a big job helping him getting back into the routine and I hope he works through the mental pain from the fire and loss of your daughter. It has been hard on you and to have him needing to lean on you makes it even harder. Good luck with the SSDI process and I hope it works out for you.

[alex44]

Thank goodness

Jaquie - it is so good to have you back again - I am so happy to hearthat Tom is home, Just from experiance, I would agree that your husband is way overmedicated but then I am not a doc. as far as psyc. wards go, see one flew over the cuccoo's nest - been there, done that. the movie is more real then most people realize. Anyway, It had the same thing about age in my approval, so don't feel bad. The way I see it, we paid in, we are just taking our bit out a bit early. Good luck to you and I hope you will stay in touch.
Blessings

[Leeaelle]

Hi Jacquie ~ It's so good to hear your hubby is home. I'm sure getting away from that place will help him. I've been in a psych. hospital before, and it was certainly strange!!! I was glad when I was able to go home.

Bless your heart, you probably haven't had time to grieve for your dear daughter! You've had so MUCH on your shoulders!! Please know that you're in my thoughts & prayers. Call on us whenever you need to -- we'll be here. God bless & take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

[Headspin]

Hi Jacquie, It is good to hear that your husband can be home with you now. That is probably the best for him. Three months in a psych hospital would leave me with a bad case of depression to, if you know what I mean?! :ambivalence: I've been there a few times before, and I don't plan to go back.

[Smiling Angel]

Thank you all for your replies. Believe me, I don't even know how my husband got through three whole months in those places! I could see what was going in in only the brief time I was able to visit - not exactly an 'open door' policy :ambivalence:. He starts his Partial Day Program tomorrow, and I am glad to have him go there for a number of reasons. First of all, I am writing a letter for the psych doc to give him my impression of what's going on with DH's reaction to the meds and how much he differs from his 'normal' behavior. Also, it will be good to get somewhat of a 'break', as he is pretty needy when he's home. :o

Even tho I know exactly what will go on at my C.E. appt tomorrow, I'm still nervous about it. After all, I used to read the reports from this very doctor when I was adjudicating claims. Weird to be on the other end....

Well, must go clean up after everyone. I'm having more than I used to as far as CP is concerned, and that sure isn't helping get things done around here...sigh

Jacquie, weary already, and it's not even noon yet! :ambivalence:

[superspychuck]

Hi. I hope that your appointment goes well today. I'm so happy that your husband is home, and I will keep him in my prayers...that he continues to recover.

[Diandra]

Hey Jacquie....Just wanted to say, I hope your psych eval went well today.
My first SS psych/cognitive eval said my memory was so impaired by Lyme Disease that I could not even remember/follow the verbal directions
for tasks they gave me!. The test where they tell you a story and you have to retell it and the verbal math equations.
When I got the report which helped me get SSDI at a relatively young age, I said to my husband, never have I been so happy to
be referred to as dim bulb! I am much better today but at that time, my cognitive and memory issues were so bad they truly
were humorous(you know, you better laugh or you will cry). To this day, I will order things via internet and when the UPS guy shows up at my front door a few days later, I think, Oh, yay, someone sent me something!

In all seriousness though, it is fortunate you worked for SSD.
I can imagine it does feel weird but, your knowledge is pure gold at this point.
You and your husband are in my prayers. How has it been all living together with your
son and his family and how is the your doggy doing?

Keep Strong, Diandra

[Mark N]

Jacquie, good luck with the psych appointment. It is good that you know what is going on when you get there. Sorry to hear the CP is getting worse as you have your hands full with hubby back home. Take care of yourself and I hope the house is calm with everyone there. For some families it is a blessing to be together and for others being away and visiting now and then is the best way to get along.

[Smiling Angel]

Whew...It's all over, thank goodness! This day certainly did not go as I had expected it would, that's for sure! Aside from my psych eval (more about that later :ambivalence:), my husband had his Intake appointments at the Family Health Center, where he will be attending a Partial Day program three days a week for about a month. I was worried about him going alone (he was to be picked up by a van) and answering all the questions and filling out all the papers. Well, turned out to our advantage that the van showed up before 7:30am, when we were told to be ready by 8 - 9am. There was no way we could've gotten him ready, and the van wouldn't wait, so I had to take him. He is so overmedicated that I had taken the time to write a letter expressing my concerns because his senses are so dulled that he looks kind of like he is sleep walking. Long story short, I was invited to stay and help out, which I certainly did...I could've kissed the doctor when she totally changed the way he is to take his meds, thank goodness. He will be taking a full 1/3 of the dosage of Depakote ER in the morning that the dumb doc at his last hospital had written for him to take all 1500mg of in the morning , which effectively turned him into a zombie. The rest of the intake went well, and he starts the 9 to 3 program tomorrow. Oh, did I mention that the whole process took so long that we ended up going from the intake to my psych appt? I guess it was good, because I didn't have time to sit around worrying about the appt, etc.

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Now to tell you how my C.E. appt went, I was pretty much horrified at this doctor's demeanor and how he conducted the whole exam. He looked as zombie-like as my DH does, and that in itself was frightening and bizarre. Then, he sat at the desk asking me all the same questions that he could have read on my application, like, name, DOB, education, Sx, meds I take, and so on. Not only that, but he spoke so softly with his face buried in his notes that I couldn't hear him many times, even after I explained to him that I have sub-normal hearing and forgot my hearing aid. Gr-r-r-r !! The mental status part of the exam went okay; I could only remember 2/3 words, had some other cognitive issues, but what really PISSED ME OFF was that he seemed to have no memory for the important facts, like the fact that I lost my home and daughter to fire eight months ago, at one point saying, "You weren't in the fire, right?" ~~~duh~~~. I sat there practically in disbelief at how clueless he was about my whole situation, but I think I finally got through to him the fact that I was in the fire and relive that moment when I opened our bedroom door to intense flames, and smoke, etc. I really don't think I got across to him the fact that my husband just got out of the hospital after three full months and that I am just about his sole caregiver, and have a full plate which overwhelms me to no end. But it's done. I couldn't help but cry when I told him about the fire and losing my daughter and my home, having flashbacks, etc, etc. He was asking stuff like, "What's worse, your ADHD or your anxiety? Your anxiety or your PTSD?" What a jerk! I can't wait to tell my friends at the DDS how weird and ridiculous the whole thing was....

Well, that about wraps it up. Suffice it to say I am exhausted but glad it's all over! I will try to check back as often as I can. As I've said before, whether I'm here or not, you all are always in my heart, and I am forever grateful for your support.

Warmest regards always, Jacquie