Burn Out

[mrsQ]

I take care of my mother-in-law who has end stage alz.
I have been doing this since 2004, at times she has been in a nursing home but even then you have to be there all the time. We brought her home in Jan due to neglect at the home. The state just sent us a letter telling us about the problems they found there after we reported. I feel so bad for her being there. She is so much more alert at home.

The thing is I am just tired. I also have my parents who are elderly that need my help & a sister who is facing major medical issues. I feel pulled apart every day & am just tired. I keep mentioning tired because my sleep is awful.

I was just wondering about others coping tricks for avoiding burnout. I get respite 3x a week & try to use that time to get out, but I'm often so tired that I just want to be able to sleep without having to wake every few hours to turn her.

[joy]

Karen you remind me of my dear friend Donna who has cancer herself but yet still has to take care of her 70 something father-in-law! (Whom I know is more than a tad selfish and lazy rather than needful). Three days a week indeed is NOT enough time for you to catch up on your sleep and to do all the bill paying etc that I know must need to be done. I wish there were more help available and that I was smart enough to seek it out for you. My admiraion alone is sadly not any help to you at all and I know this.

If anyone knows of any service that is provided, please provide so those like this dear lady can try and get the help that is needed!

[tic chick]

karen ,

i don't know where you live, but there have to be SOME good nursing homes around you! in my opinion, you should take a look around for them, maybe ask other people or a hospital if they know of good nursing homes.

i don't know about your mil's financial situation, but if she is getting social security, you have to spend some of it on getting more respite care for yourself. maybe you can pay someone to spend an extra day or night with your mil. maybe you could call hospice and see if she is eligible for that.

karen, unless there are 3 of you, you can't take care of your mil, your parents and your sister!! somehow, you have to list what your priorities are...maybe even from day to day. i know you have your own health probs and you are going to get ill! then no one will be taking care of anyone, you will need care yourself. can hubby step in a little more to help you?

you have to make decisions and make them with your health in mind!

i don't know what else to say...this is a tough road to walk.

(((hugs))),
jeannie

[Buttons2]

Karen,burn out will turn into total crash if you don't put your own health first. I'm not in your shoes of course so no advice. you know what you have to do. (((((gentle hugs)))) Pati

[mrsQ]

Thanks ladies. I know I have too much going on but I am terrible at saying no....I actually paid a therapist to help me figure that one out years agao. LOL

We could put her in a nursing home but it would be a 20 mile drive one way for me to go check on her & after what happened at the last one I know I would feel the need to go several times a week. She is just so much more alert & has something of a quality to her life rather than the vegtable state she was in at the nursing home. She will actually laugh now & I am not sure I could live with myself putting her back in the nursing home.

My folks really are not in that bad of health for their age but they ''think'' they are. The most stressful thing with them is saying no. What kills me is they both are having issues with muscle cramps due to back problems and they think they are dying.
We are trying to find a new ''sitter'' right now but that is harder than you think. The one we have now wants to go smoke every time I leave the house or go lay down, and will not engage my mother in law at all.. I could replace her with a dang baby monitor.
The respite service has homemaker services included and I may try to use them with the next one. It makes me feel bad to do so but I may let them do stuff like sweep & mop. I still have the voices in my head that when I don't do something due to my back it is just me being lazy, I know it is not true bue those recordings are hard to get rid of.

We have talked about hospice. The thing is the way it seems to work with this wavier program I get an CNA to come in M-F and give her bath which helps a lot. Plus the ''sitter'' 3x a week. I think with hospice we would have less CNA visits and more RN which is useless. The waver program is suppose to provide out of home respite also but no nursing home in our area does it now we would have to take her almost 100 miles away.
Thanks for the support and letting me vent.

[houghchrst]

Q I am so sorry that you are so worn out. It is no wonder. All I can offer are gentle (((((hugs))))) and prayers that something happens so that you start getting the much needed care and help you need.

[joy]

Karen you have scoliosis best I recall don't you? Well that can a d does cause pain in more places than some would imagine. Meaning those who don't have it! My pain is in places others woldn't suspect at all and even taking medicine that my doctor prescribe, it doesn't stop it. So I don't stand up any longer than I absolutely have to. I hope something works out in your favor and soon.