So, a bit of background: I'm a student with Tourette's completing an intensive 1-year master's program in social work while working to support myself. As a part of my studies, I must engage in a year-long internship, completing 21 hours a week of unpaid work at a prominent veteran's home in my area. I also work, so my schedule is extremely demanding and I don't often get the sleep I need. To top it off, I'm planning my wedding, which will be happening in June.
As a child, I had small non-interruptive tics like eyebrow scrunching, minor grunting, and eye-rolling. Since around sophomore year in university, I have rolled my shoulders repeatedly, which results in severe pain and muscle tension after hours of rolling. I have developed new tics, including sucking air, clicking my teeth, and sometimes grinding my teeth.
I started seeing a Neurologist over the summer, and have started receiving Botox treatments in my trapezius muscle, which is the main muscle responsible for my tic. However, these only last me 1.5-2 months before symptoms return. When symptoms are back, I fall into depression and struggle to keep my anxiety in check. I also exhibit textbook symptoms of Bipolar Type II, which involves depression and hypomania, which is a less dramatic version of the mania associated with Bipolar I. When I am experiencing a depressive period, I feel very hopeless and struggle with huge amounts of anxiety about what my life will be like if I cannot control the TS symptoms. My pain and anxiety/depression often leave me not wanting to go to work or internship, and I have lost money and required hours; I feel like I'm always playing catch-up.
I'm going to my first TS support group tonight (meets monthly), which is about an hour away. I have recently started meditating, which helps me relax, but I cannot rely on it all the time. I am also joining a gym with the hopes of losing some weight, releasing some tension, and increasing muscle strength in my back. Massages used to help, but now do very little for my muscle tension. My most recent botox round has worn off, and my symptoms are back in full swing until my injections on the 17th. Pain meds prescribed to me don't work for my back. I also get migraines occasionally. I used to go to a therapist at school to deal with my anxiety, but my schedule has no time for the forseeable future.
It's very difficult for me because I am not close with anyone who has TS. Most times that I try to express to others my symptoms and the effect they have on my emotional wellbeing, I end up explaining what a tic is, what it feels like to get the urge, etc. The fact that I don't shout obscenities or make any visibly bizarre movements makes it confusing to people who don't know about Tourette's, and I usually end up giving a lesson instead of getting support. My fiance is a huge source of support, but even he has trouble lifting me out of my bad states.
I don't know how to shake this fear that my Tourette's will negatively impact all of the important moments in my life. I find myself mentally mapping out my injection schedule to see if I'll be miserable or not for my graduation, wedding, honeymoon, etc. I feel like my anxiety takes over at times and I cannot get out of the mentality that things will never be manageable. Goals like being a parent, achieving my clinical licensure in social work, and owning my own home seem so far away, and it's very difficult to avoid feeling defeated and anxious.
TL;DR - I'm a university student recently Dx'd with Tourette's, which is not fully managed at this time. The approaches used aren't meeting all of my needs, and it's taking a big toll on my emotional wellbeing. I believe I also have some psychological problems that I have no time to address given my schedule. I feel alone and hopeless and need some support, I just don't know where to turn. Any advice?
As a child, I had small non-interruptive tics like eyebrow scrunching, minor grunting, and eye-rolling. Since around sophomore year in university, I have rolled my shoulders repeatedly, which results in severe pain and muscle tension after hours of rolling. I have developed new tics, including sucking air, clicking my teeth, and sometimes grinding my teeth.
I started seeing a Neurologist over the summer, and have started receiving Botox treatments in my trapezius muscle, which is the main muscle responsible for my tic. However, these only last me 1.5-2 months before symptoms return. When symptoms are back, I fall into depression and struggle to keep my anxiety in check. I also exhibit textbook symptoms of Bipolar Type II, which involves depression and hypomania, which is a less dramatic version of the mania associated with Bipolar I. When I am experiencing a depressive period, I feel very hopeless and struggle with huge amounts of anxiety about what my life will be like if I cannot control the TS symptoms. My pain and anxiety/depression often leave me not wanting to go to work or internship, and I have lost money and required hours; I feel like I'm always playing catch-up.
I'm going to my first TS support group tonight (meets monthly), which is about an hour away. I have recently started meditating, which helps me relax, but I cannot rely on it all the time. I am also joining a gym with the hopes of losing some weight, releasing some tension, and increasing muscle strength in my back. Massages used to help, but now do very little for my muscle tension. My most recent botox round has worn off, and my symptoms are back in full swing until my injections on the 17th. Pain meds prescribed to me don't work for my back. I also get migraines occasionally. I used to go to a therapist at school to deal with my anxiety, but my schedule has no time for the forseeable future.
It's very difficult for me because I am not close with anyone who has TS. Most times that I try to express to others my symptoms and the effect they have on my emotional wellbeing, I end up explaining what a tic is, what it feels like to get the urge, etc. The fact that I don't shout obscenities or make any visibly bizarre movements makes it confusing to people who don't know about Tourette's, and I usually end up giving a lesson instead of getting support. My fiance is a huge source of support, but even he has trouble lifting me out of my bad states.
I don't know how to shake this fear that my Tourette's will negatively impact all of the important moments in my life. I find myself mentally mapping out my injection schedule to see if I'll be miserable or not for my graduation, wedding, honeymoon, etc. I feel like my anxiety takes over at times and I cannot get out of the mentality that things will never be manageable. Goals like being a parent, achieving my clinical licensure in social work, and owning my own home seem so far away, and it's very difficult to avoid feeling defeated and anxious.
TL;DR - I'm a university student recently Dx'd with Tourette's, which is not fully managed at this time. The approaches used aren't meeting all of my needs, and it's taking a big toll on my emotional wellbeing. I believe I also have some psychological problems that I have no time to address given my schedule. I feel alone and hopeless and need some support, I just don't know where to turn. Any advice?
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