Really scared (again)

[roadracer]

I have had many major ups and downs over the past year. I was told I had very serious life threatening issues, only to have other doctors tell me I was okay. I have had a couple of these back and forth, feeling of doom thinking I had something so serious, then feelings of major relief that things were not that bad.

The whole time my symptoms did not change, they just got worse! I spent the past 6 months or so just blocking it all out, convincing myself that all is good. So my cardiologist convinced me to have more tests. So I went for a tilt table test, thinking that nothing would happen. It had to be one of the worst possible situations. I blacked out during the test (to be expected I guess), and the results were really alarming! To add insult to injury, the test made me REALLY freaking sick for days. I had a severe headache, a weak left arm, and bad "brain fog", that lasted three days.

I was warned that it is a good chance I might need a pacemaker in combo with medication. Over this past year it seems that every time I get to feeling good, I get some doctor/nurse who feels the need to drive it home to me that without treatment these problems will kill me. This couldn't be anymore scary, just thinking that life can end without any warning at any point! I am trying not to be so depressed feeling. I feel guilty for feeling so bad since there are people out there who are dealing with way worse problems. It makes it hard not having many people who I can talk to about it all. I dont want to worry my mom, and the couple people I actually told really didn't understand me. I dont want to go back to just ignore things anymore, but reality is hard to deal with!

[joy]

hello roadracer, I am sorry that you have serious health issues. and Yes I wish doctors and nurses would not try and friighten us to death. Just telling us in plain english and then giving us time to ask any questions that we need the answers to would help in my opinion anyway.

I sorta had the same kind of scare with a leaky valve but someone finally told me that many people have this and that as ong as I was aware of it and kept up with seeing doctor a few times a year I would stay on top of it. What a relief, I did the same thing as you, pushed it way out of my mind. nd I have to admit I am doing okay just kind of on the lazy side because I get so tired and all. Having to keep check up on blood after my 2 blood clots in lungs. I figure now that I am on blood thinner and am always as lazy as a slug these days anyway, I will be ok more thsan likley. just a nusiance having to have blood drawn so often. but hey, I'm still here. I am so glad to see that you are too roadracer. Are you still taking pictures of birds and things? you sure had such pretty things that I enjoyed looking at when you showed pics before. please stay in touch with us here on emotional support okay?

[roadracer]

I figure now that I am on blood thinner and am always as lazy as a slug these days anyway, I will be ok more thsan likley. just a nusiance having to have blood drawn so often. but hey, I'm still here.

I am really active, and I guess that might be one of my problems, since I have a hard time taking it easy when I should. I feel symptoms all day long doing most things. I cant bend down, reach up, or stand up from sitting without experiencing a near blackout or full blackout. I go threw the day dizzy, nauseous feeling, with constant "brain fog", headaches, migraines, etc. I knew that the syncope was heart/blood pressure related, but what I didnt understand was how serious it was. I had the understanding that blackouts (syncope) was only harmful if I managed to hit my head. What I didnt know was that I can go into prolonged asystole ("flat line") or a arrhythmia, that if the heart does not recover from fast enough, means death. Most people with common syncope never experience these problems, but I am one of the not so lucky ones that does.

I am so glad to see that you are too roadracer.

Thanks!

Are you still taking pictures of birds and things? you sure had such pretty things that I enjoyed looking at when you showed pics before. please stay in touch with us here on emotional support okay?

Yes, more now then ever! I would say more, but I have a following now and want to keep this personal stuff separate from everything else. I would be happy to send a link to my website if you want to look at my pictures!

[joy]

I am glad that you can stay very active because afterall, you are still young. Now myself I am in the 60's and do not feel bad at all for staying down when I feel bad, which is often. I admirer you keeping things seperate and since I am not on the computer very much anymore, I will no ask for the link to your pictures. I figure eventually it will end up with a lot of other things that I have saved over the years and I will end up not knowing what things are for etc, and not finding the things that I need the most for having saved so much stuff. I can get more things in my favorites colum and that is what happens to sopme of them.

Just you stay busy roadracer and take care of yourself like doctor has said, ok? If I keep my mental faculties open enough, I will look up some of your posts ocassionally but I am hoping that you will post here often enough to let us know how you are doing. Best of luck to you.