I have learned much about life and death in the recent months. I have a new level of compassion for people dealing with life threatening illness, many people that I have interacted with on braintalk.
I had a recent trip to the er for a seizure, to get patched up and sent on my way. Thinking I would get the usual fluids and ekg, then be sent home, I was a bit confused when the nurse walked in and said to me "you are really sick, we are admitting you to the icu". Thinking the symptoms I was feeling didnt warrant the icu, the er doctor assured me that I would be fine, that they just wanted to keep me overnight for observation. It is obvious to me now that the doctors and nurses knew the seriousness of my condition, but just wanted to keep me calm and comfortable. I was given a shot to help me feel better, and was whisked off to my icu room.
After I was given that shot, I don't remember really thinking much about my situation. I was just in a bed, in a room, not thinking, just sleeping or blindly looking at nothing. It never occurred to me to turn the tv on, or attempt doing anything. When the nurses pushed me for interaction, I responded, but I would mostly just lay and listen to the beeps, clunks, and swooshes of the machines hooked up to me. This was only a small unit with 6 bays for medical icu patients. The big sliding door to my room was never closed, and I could hear every detail of what was happening in the icu. When I didnt want to hear what was happening, I did not have a choice, as I was not capable of thinking of a solution to prevent the sounds from entering my ears. Someone in the unit passed away each day, and while I am thankful that I didnt experience any visuals, it was the sounds and smells that I experienced that will never leave my mind.
It was a strange state to be in, I didnt experience much emotion, I was only really able to listen most of the time. It took 5 days to get my vitals stable enough to release me home. It is sort of like it really didnt happen, like it was all some sort of weird dream. I left the hospital not really sure why I was there, only thinking that I was sure someone else needed that room more then I did. I was totally ignorant to my situation. Lucky for being young, I was able to be released straight from the unit, not needing to be stepped down or anything.
I have since learned about the problems I am experiencing and what is happening. Still many more questions to ask, tests to be run, and serious decisions to be made, but I am confident I will recover, but if I dont I am somehow okay with that, that decision is up to fate. All the time I spent all depressed and complaining about such insignificant stuff over the years, I am done with all the negativity. Somehow this strange trip has changed me.
I had a recent trip to the er for a seizure, to get patched up and sent on my way. Thinking I would get the usual fluids and ekg, then be sent home, I was a bit confused when the nurse walked in and said to me "you are really sick, we are admitting you to the icu". Thinking the symptoms I was feeling didnt warrant the icu, the er doctor assured me that I would be fine, that they just wanted to keep me overnight for observation. It is obvious to me now that the doctors and nurses knew the seriousness of my condition, but just wanted to keep me calm and comfortable. I was given a shot to help me feel better, and was whisked off to my icu room.
After I was given that shot, I don't remember really thinking much about my situation. I was just in a bed, in a room, not thinking, just sleeping or blindly looking at nothing. It never occurred to me to turn the tv on, or attempt doing anything. When the nurses pushed me for interaction, I responded, but I would mostly just lay and listen to the beeps, clunks, and swooshes of the machines hooked up to me. This was only a small unit with 6 bays for medical icu patients. The big sliding door to my room was never closed, and I could hear every detail of what was happening in the icu. When I didnt want to hear what was happening, I did not have a choice, as I was not capable of thinking of a solution to prevent the sounds from entering my ears. Someone in the unit passed away each day, and while I am thankful that I didnt experience any visuals, it was the sounds and smells that I experienced that will never leave my mind.
It was a strange state to be in, I didnt experience much emotion, I was only really able to listen most of the time. It took 5 days to get my vitals stable enough to release me home. It is sort of like it really didnt happen, like it was all some sort of weird dream. I left the hospital not really sure why I was there, only thinking that I was sure someone else needed that room more then I did. I was totally ignorant to my situation. Lucky for being young, I was able to be released straight from the unit, not needing to be stepped down or anything.
I have since learned about the problems I am experiencing and what is happening. Still many more questions to ask, tests to be run, and serious decisions to be made, but I am confident I will recover, but if I dont I am somehow okay with that, that decision is up to fate. All the time I spent all depressed and complaining about such insignificant stuff over the years, I am done with all the negativity. Somehow this strange trip has changed me.
!
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