Having a Really Hard Time

[Fig]

I don't know what's going on with me, but my depression is just out of control.
This started around October...not too bad, but gradually increased. And no, it's not because of the time
of year. I love the Autumn, and I love when the days get shorter and we have long nights! (I'm weird, I know).
I like the cold. I don't like Summer...can't stand the heat! I find Summer too aggressive, and all the people
out and about bothers me. This time of year, it's quieter, and I like that.

I don't know if my medication isn't as effective as it should be. I don't have a psychiatrist anymore (not since
2010, when insurance nonsense clamped down) and my GP writes my scripts. I'm on the same med, maximum dosage as I've been for years. A GP doesn't know about psych meds and can't figureout what to change. I'm
reluctant to take any of the newer meds because of the bad side effects they all have.

Anyway, all I know is that I feel so bad....dark and lost. I keep up my regular schedule...get up every day(in
fact, I'm up very early, usually 4:30am...I don't sleep well) get washed, make my bed, get dressed, go downstairs and put out peanuts for the squirrels and have a cigarette. I come back up to my apartment and make some coffee, get on the computer. At 6am I get my birds up...I have 5 parrots. At 6:30 I call my boyfriend, who lives down the hall and go over to have coffee with him.

I have my volunteer job at the zoo...I go as often as I can. I read, watch TV, play with my birds. So you see, I do keep active...I don't stay in bed vegetating.

I'm just so sad, so bereft........

[Jo6]

((((Marion)))) I just read your post about the pottery. That sounds great to me. I know nothing about it, but would love to learn. I haven't drove that new ( not) mini van Ken bought me nearly 2 yrs. ago. I don't have a clue whether they would allow me to drive anymore and as time goes by the more nervous I get about it.

I'm just gonna have to bite the bullit and see what I can do. All of my papers say "no driving" so I know I will have to get an OK from a Dr., but which one? Gads, how did I get here from there?

Marion and Lor, I think the 2 of you have something there. Good luck and I'll be watching for progress. Maybe you will decide to sell some, make a little money if so desired? It all sounds like fun.

Take care and good luck, Jo s

[JanM]

I an so sorry you are ailing. I will put you in my prayers. God Bless

[dawnmn]

fig, I'm sorry you are having a rough time of it. Keep moving you are doing the right things to fight the depression. I'm on abilify and it seems to work for me. If I keep it at 20mg I don't gain the weight.

[Buttons2]

Fig sorry you are feeling bad. keep up good work you do. seel better soon I hope.Pati

[joy]

hello Marion, I was just thinking of you yesterday when I wasnat town with hubby. he takes grandson to krate a couple tijmes a week and I sometimes go along just to get out of house and to see grandson of course. well it is right next to pet5co where gson takes his lessons. so I went looking for animals. I have been so lonesome evert ince last dog and even my fish all died. this was 2 years ago on doggie. anyway the birds were very active and the sound made me go lookining for therm. there was only one canary and it had such aa price on it, $129.oo. wow that bird must sing, lol,

now the parakeets were a lot cheaper, less thn $30.00 (excluding taxes). this is wha made me start thinking of you. I thought well marion could tell me all about these birds for sre. I loved one especially. it had some yellow on the tail feathers and the prettiest greedn along with his black of course. I am up early this morning myself and not liking it at al, lol. I need for the sun to be shining before I get up so to help with making me feel alive sorta. I hope you get to feeling better soon. (hugs)

[dawnmn]

fig, let us know how you are doing. Hope this finds you in a better mood. ((HUGS))

[Fig]

Hello...Thanks for your kind replies. I'm doing alright, still feeling really down, but keeping busy and keeping my mind
occupied. It helps. The birds, of course, are life savers.

And speaking of the birds.....Joy, birds are lovely pets. They do, however, require lot of work, and a lot of knowledge about their care, etc. I've been working with birds for 33 years and have learned a lot along the way. I absolutely love
these beautiful, intelligent creatures.

I hope you all are doing well. I consider you all my good friends and love you.

Take care!

Marion

[clouds z]

should we outlaw wind turbines that kill birds?

[clouds z]

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SEE RANK
Birdman of Alcatraz (1962)
147 min - Biography | Drama - 3 July 1962 (USA)
7.8
Your rating:
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Reviews: 68 user | 23 critic

A surly convicted murderer held in permanent isolation redeems himself when he becomes a renowned bird expert.

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Writers:
Guy Trosper (screenplay), Thomas E. Gaddis (book)
Stars:
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[alex44]

Fig - I wish you the best. I suffer from depression also but our kitty helps a lot. When I am lying down, he will come and curl up on the bed - a comfort. My knowledge of birds is limited, I have met/known a green and blue macaw, a real character, and a cockatiel, who was both beautiful and friendly, as was the Macaw. I will pray that things get better for you.
Blessings
Alex44
Skypilot

[tic chick]

marion ,

i'm sorry your depression is so bad and your meds don't seem to be working.

maybe your doctor would know some place where you could go to get mental health services based on a sliding fee scale or based on whatever your financial situation is.

i think it's really important to treat depression because if left untreated, it is harder to get back to functioning again. i know from reading that if you can't sleep or get up too early, you might also be suffering from anxiety. depression and anxiety go hand in hand a lot. talk to your doctor about this.

i empathize with your situation, i've been there. my dogs have helped me when i've been down, but sometimes you need more help.

take care of yourself!

(((hugs))),
jeannie

[Mal L]

My suggestion is that there are two main possible causes - mood and energy. Figuring out which type may help you to cope.

[joy]

Marion I hope you are feeling better. Not the right thing to call depression but if I started trying to coin a word for depression I would have to say some "bad" words for sure. It makes a person beyond miserable. I hope your days are better and that you could sleep better. I hate to wake up in the early hours because it is so early to do anything. I know for sure that my high spots starts in mid afternoon or later. yep I feel like a slug uintil then.n take care and I hope you have plans for the holiday. we don't but that is alright, as I get older, quiet is ok with me.

[Buttons2]

hope you are feeling better today! pati