Sinking in

[houghchrst]

I sit here and started actually dwelling on my appointment with my cardiologist. He said it so quick and so casually that I heard it but it made no impression though it rang out but he kept talking and I was trying to stay focused. 40% blockage in both carotids. I kept hearing it but my mind was sort of blocking it out, the importance of the statement. The impact this is going to and should have on my life. So I Googled. Yep, scared. My mom had both of hers done and the doc who did the surgery butchered her and she had terrible scars on both sides of the neck from her surgery. Almost bled out on the OR table. They had to crawl on top of her to apply enough compression to stop the bleeding. She was so horribly bruised everywhere afterwards.

I am now officially terrified. I don't know why the doc who ran all of the tests neglected to tell me. He made like everything was fine. This new doc seems to be nicer and more caring and I like him a lot better but I am pissed that the first cardiologist let me believe everything was okay for almost two years. So I sit here and cry while I wait for it to sink in and decide how I am going to tackle this because it needs to be addressed. Immediately.

[jingle]

Oooooooooohhhh, Chris --- what a blow, what a SCARY blow. I am so sorry this is happening -- even sorrier that you are facing this mostly alone.
I am praying for you.

[tic chick]

chris ,

i know you were planning to quit smoking. it's probably the most important thing you can do. your health improves so much even within a month of quitting. you're going to have to quit if you decide to have surgery. give yourself a health-start and do it asap.

i think you said your mom smoked, too, but she also drank. the combination makes things synergistically worse, maybe why your mom had such a bad outcome to her surgery. you don't drink, so that's a good thing.

here is a link to 3 types of surgery you can discuss with your doctor: Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... you mentioned dyslipidemia in a previous post. perhaps discussing a statin drug with your cardio doc, if you aren't on one, would help. another discussion you could have is if a combination of quitting smoking, going on a diet and a statin plus maybe aspirin would be an alternative to surgery. it's probably going to be your rx after surgery. i don't know if having a 40% blockage in both arteries means you can't do anything short of surgery to make it better.

dunno why the first doc seemed so nonchalant, but chris, you have to know you have probs if you had a heart attack in your 50's. i'm not trying to be mean, but you know you take care of everybody and everything before yourself. you have not loved yourself at full capacity! there is a diet called the DASH diet for hypertension. it looks like a sustainable plan.

you know we are all in your corner. so many people are ready to support you. it's hard. it's scary. it's life or death now. really.

love you,
jeannie

ok...9/1. i read this article: Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... i'm interpreting it to mean that 40% blockage is noot yet a moderate blockage. you haven't mentioned symptoms, so you could be asymptomatic. maybe this bodes well for the cardio doc to do aggressive therapy less than surgery. i hope so.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Chris)))))) ~

This is overwhelming news for you, and you need a little time to process it, as well as make a plan. As Jeannie said, it's time for you to make yourself the number one priority.

When is your next appointment with your new cardiologist? I suggest that you make a list of questions to ask him at that appointment, including why your first cardiologist didn't tell you about the 40% blockage, and also ask whether the blockage could be less or the same now. New testing seems to be in order, before anything is done.

Ask your new cardio what kind of surgery you will need, other alternatives, as Jeannie mentioned, and what you can do for yourself to improve your condition.

In fact, call his office and make an appointment for this purpose, if you don't have one scheduled.

Stewing about what might be and could happen is not healthy nor helpful to you. Ask questions and get straight answers, so that you know the facts and aren't wondering or guessing.

We're here for you. You're in my prayers. Stay strong and be your own best advocate.

Love & Light,



Rose

[clouds z]

red hot pepper and or mexican food could clear arteries maybe

[clouds z]

brown rice and green tea might help-i dont like doctor shows or med ads now -they stress me out

[clouds z]

reading too much medical info could be bad -dont smoke and eat right and maybe only a little red wine is ok i pray youre ok

[houghchrst]

Thank you clouds for the advice. You are right watching and reading too much medical info can be a huge stressor. I didn't know about the mexican food but I do not a lot of spices and herbs they use are beneficial.

As for questions to ask the doc, all I can think to ask is the how do we fix it and why wasn't I told last year. I don't know what to ask.

I am so scared, I found a whole plethora on things through Google. Most of what I am finding is prevention and ways to keep it from getting worse, there really is no way to reverse it that I am finding except for surgery. I am hoping it does not come to that. All I can think about is quitting smoking. Ha lol, I was just getting ready to buy a new cigarette roller. I haven't had a whole cigarette in days, maybe a week.

Last night I thought of all the things I need to do to prepare myself for quitting smoking, the mind set, then I thought how nice it would be to just get up and throw everything away and have that be it. This sucks enough to drive me to tears. Who cries over quitting smoking.

[tic chick]

chris ,

why not just throw everything away and have that be it?

it's going to suck quitting whether you do it in 5 minutes or get into the "mind-set" for quitting. what is your mind-set for quitting process? i really want to know. i know you understand this is serious and life threatening. what i don't understand is why not just quit now? you know what it was like watching your mom die, the grief after, the missing your mom still. you don't want to do this to your boys.

you know, all the years my husband was drinking, i asked him to quit. i asked him to go get help. i cooked healthy food. he got a check-up every year. then we separated. i watched him go downhill with his eating habits, not moving around enough, getting a-fib. hte kids didn't say much to him, maybe my younger daughter did when they lived together the last 4 yrs. of his life. all i got was denial, that he had everything under control. i realized adults have free will. at a certain point, people will do what they want to do, oblivious to the consequences coming. and who was i to tell him what to do? i loved him. it didn't matter. he had 3 great kids. it didn't matter. the addiction was stronger than any love he had, even for himself. it makes me incredibly sad, still.

so, come on, chris. please quit. get a group together of former smokers. smoker's anonymous. ask if you can call them anytime you feel an urge to light a cigarette. i volunteer to be on your list. i smoked. i was an emotional eater. i beat both addictions. eating was harder than smoking for me. once i lost the craving for cigarettes, i never even wanted to light up. i still deal with the eating part everyday, though because you have to eat, just not the way i used to.

don't cry, pull up your big girl panties and do it!

written with much care and empathy and love,
jeannie

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Chris)))))) ~

Perhaps you could start here:

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register...

I don't know whether this would help or make it harder, but if you can find a pure CBD oil vape, with nothing but CBD oil in it, that would probably be the safest substitute for the habit, the oral needs, of smoking.

Praying for you!

Love & Light,



Rose

[houghchrst]

Jeannie for me it is getting into the mindset, build determination, pray for strength, deal with the emotions that come with saying goodbye to a 'best friend'. Make quitting an obsession. I have already been through this twice, first with crack, well, and everything else and then with smoking, so I know what I need to do. For a while I had this thought that the next time I go into the hospital I am just going to quit smoking then. Don't know where this ignorant ass thought came from because I do not want to go into the hospital again. I think it is my 'best friend' talkin, trying to find an excuse not to quit soon.

Rose I can't believe I missed that one during my quest for help at the end of last year when I intended to quit smoking. Thank you. I will add it to my arsenal. CBD is a fantastic idea, especially since my pain levels are climbing and it will help so much with the withdrawals. I already have a pen I will just need to buy the cartridges.

I did not get to see the cardio yesterday. They only did the scan and I was already scheduled for a follow up in frickin' February. No....so am scheduled to see him Oct. 1st. I plan to call and check for cancellations to see if I can get in before then.

When I told the nurse tech about the 40% blockage she said that is just a measure amount they use. It is either up to 40% or over 40% and I am in the up to range so it may not even be 40% it may be lower which may be why my original cardio never said anything. Matters not any amount of blockage is too much.

I looked in my cupboards when I got home from my test and just cried. I was trying to make something for lunch but everything is stuff that is not good for me. I can have no bread, no dairy, no bread, no cheese, no sandwich meat, no pasta, no bread ( iknow I already said that but that really hurts), cereal and for some reason lately my look at milk has changed to where I don't even want to drink it and I can't pin point what it is, everything we eat is white and full of carbs and useless calories. I buy fruit and veggies and half of it winds up going to waste because we don't finish it all before it spoils. Which would require me to make more trips to the store and I have no transportation. There are so many conflicting reports of the right way to eat. Everybody agrees more fruit an veggies, paleo says only healthy meats, vegan no meats, some say stay away from legumes, everyone says start slow, make one meal a week healthy and then continue to add. Jared is over two hundred pounds, because we don't eat right and he doesn't get any exercise. I mean none. He sits in front of his computer all day every day. He wears the weight well as he is generally thick like his dad and almost taller. I don't even know if I can afford to change our diet so drastically. We have almost cut out fast food but that is only cause I can't afford it. Jared is losing some weight slowly due to that. And we need to stay away from the pop and chocolate.

We need to exercise, I need to exercise like my life depends on it. i have an exercise chair and a Gazelle which I do use once in a while but I have discovered it tears up my knees so I need to get the chair back out. And everywhere says to meditate. Meditate, meditate, meditate oh and gut health, take care of your gut and your gut will take care of you. My poor gut, I feel so bad for it. It is tore up and my belly is big and full of big gas bubbles and I take all these medications. 15 I believe. That sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen right there. I am sure I am low in D3, could use fish oil and calcium. I don't know why my doc hasn't recommended calcium, my doc before him was a woman and she recommended it to me when I was in my 30s.

Went to physical therapy and I think this might be different and a lot more pain relief focused as opposed to doing an hour's worth of exercises from which it takes me days to recover from so I wind up rescheduling the next.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Chris)))))) ~

Please make sure that the CBD oil cartridge is 100% pure CBD with no other additives or chemicals. No polyproplene glycol ever.

Regarding your diet, both you and Jared would benefit from changes in your diet. If you stop buying junk food, then you'll discover that you can afford healthy food. My suggestions are:

Eliminate red meat. It is difficult for a body to digest red meat and can take days for it to fully process through the system. It clogs arteries, causes prostate cancer ... the list is endless. It's just not good for the human body.

Watch your sodium intake. No more than 1500 mg/day. Sodium raises blood pressure.

No more soft drinks, including diet, because artificial sugar tricks the body into believing it's sugar. No weight loss there. And the artificial sweeteners have their issues too.

Switch to water. This keeps you hydrated and helps to keep your liver and bladder flushed. Also, very important to bowel regularity. Add some lemon or lime or orange juice to the water, just for taste, if you can't manage it plain.

Reduce your sugar intake significantly. Sugar just has so many things wrong with it. A small quantity is okay, but too much can be disastrous for our bodies.

Once again, I'm referring you to the Forks Over Knives website:

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register...

Take some time and watch the movie. With Jared. The health transformation of the participants in the film will inspire you.

You're doing this for yourself and for Jared, as Jared needs a healthy diet too. And he needs you to stick around.

Exercise: Take a walk around the block. Or on your property. Get a pedometer so you can keep track of your steps. Get something like a Futuro knee brace to protect your knees. You also need some good walking shoes. Start slow and work up to longer walks. Take Jared with you.

Thirteen years ago, I was 40 lbs overweight, and my blood pressure was sky high. I was grieving heavily for Michael, and Jonathan's health began declining, with an emergency surgery to save his life, when he got his colostomy, then 4 months later, pneumonia and a broken hip at Christmas, followed by a year of wound care. I was eating for comfort.

I immediately started walking. At first, I could barely make it around the block. Eventually, I was able to walk 3 miles in 30 minutes around my neighborhood. These days, I'm lucky to do 1 mile in 20 minutes, but I'm old and in pain with RA and osteo, plus on my feet all day/night as a caregiver. Still, I'm out there every day, when it isn't raining or there isn't a crisis. It feels good to walk outside.

If you eat properly, you'll have more energy and initiative to get healthy.

Grocery Shopping: Check Instacart to see whether it is available in your area. I use it weekly, at least, and it has been a Godsend for me since January 2018.

Change your point of view from "I can't do this/that" to "I can and I will do this/that." You know you have gumption, Chris. Put it to work to heal yourself. If you should need surgery, you want to be in the best health possible at that time. Start now.

You're in my prayers, Chris. I know you can do this for yourself and Jared. And you know you can too.

Love & Light,



Rose

[houghchrst]

Rose I think of Forks OVer Knives every time I turn on my computer or think of BT or you. I have watched it three times and even looked up vegan recipes for meat lovers. There is a lot out there. We are both big water drinkers so that is not an issue. The trick is to turn off that pop craving. Switching to sparkling water really helped both of us but then you have to be careful because of the salt. I have already cut my intake of salt for both of us except for what comes prepackaged.

Cutting out red meat will be hard as we both crave meat but we love fish and fowl so maybe ease more of that in. We love veggies and Jared swears he is allergic to peach family foods but I think it was just a one time thing but he likes apples and grapes and berries and other fruits.

My counselor in rehab told us that if we are giving up an addiction to do one at a time. Failure is more likely if trying too much at once. They never bothered us to quit smoking because we had all given up our drug addictions or were trying. I waited three years after that to quit smoking. Took three tries but we did it. I had support then.

I wish it we had started the walking last spring. now it is getting ready for winter and we won't be doing much walking around here. I told my PT that I wanted to be able to get on my bike and ride. My house backs onto a path that was built by the county that goes from one side of the city to the other and I see a lot of bike riders and walkers there. Jared even expressed a desire to learn to ride. Blew my mind. No my child cannot ride a bike. I was so disappointed when he threw in the towel.

I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, I have the skills and the knowledge now it is a matter of making my will stronger than my addictions to food and cigarettes.

Another issue I have is cooking. I cook dinner every night and pay for the standing time but Jared is left to his own devices for other meals which means he might have a bowl of cereal, every once in a while he will make himself something easy during the night. Chicken nuggets, a sandwich, another bowl of cereal or whatever was left over from dinner. Our hours are different and that is all my fault. I am up early and he sleeps all day then is up all night playing with friends. Does this mean I need to make his meals to start or just offer healthy alternatives, I can't picture him nibbling on carrot sticks then munching an apple and being satisfied or happy about it lol.

If I was to get rid of everything that was not good for us my kitchen would be pretty much cleared. I will be grocery shopping week after next I will check out some appetizing easy cheap dishes to start with that could be appealing for him.

Love Instacart and have used it quite a few times. One of my local stores offers it to EBT clients you just have to pick up. Can't be delivered but I like that you can make an order to pick up at a later date. So I can go right from recipe to shopping and arrange to have transportation at that time.


I still have my motivational chalkboard with some sayings on it I need to work on that, some rewrite and add ons, get back on to therapy regularly and Nan can help me with things, another person to be 'accountable' to. Last time I used post it notes everywhere and had some projects planned to keep myself busy, LOL washed walls in the entire house last time. Can't do that now but I do have lots of crafting hand work that can be done.

Another thing is that you guys are the only ones who know. I have not told anyone else. I did make a comment on FB about quitting smoking due to my health and my ex "SIL" told me to call her. I have not yet. I know that I will cry so I have been putting it off. I don't want to tell Jared because I do not want to lay another burden at his feet. He is already so anxiety ridden it is terrible. My SIL will be matter of fact about it and try to be a comfort and give advice. I will not find any comfort and she will tell my ex "MIL" and she will be hysterical about it and act like I am dying.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Chris)))))) ~

It sounds like you have a good handle on what you need to do. This isn't your first rodeo, and you've been successful before. Just keep reminding yourself that you've been successful and will be again.

Until winter weather arrives, you can still take a walk. Get out there and start walking or riding your bike on that path. It will help you immediately. Fresh air, sunlight, exercise. When cold or inclement weather prevents walking outdoors, you can come up with another exercise option. Housework is definitely a form of exercise, and its rewarded by a clean, tidy home. The busier your hands and mind are, the less time you'll have to smoke or think about smoking.

When we gave up red meat, we replaced it with chicken, ham, and turkey. I don't like fish, although Jim does. We gave it up when Mad Cow disease was in the news. I immediately discovered that my digestive system improved significantly. I also had more energy. Red meat makes the body lethargic. Once your body feels better, you'll lose that craving for red meat.

We gradually gave up chicken and turkey, with ham the last to go. We saw the movie "Babe," and that was it! "I can't eat Babe!" I cried.

We have all been healthier for being vegetarian. We still eat eggs and cheese in moderation. You don't have to become a vegan to eat healthier.

Healthy, tasty snacks like blueberries, almonds, granola bars ... can replace the unhealthy snacks. It's just a matter of getting used to new foods.

You don't need to tell anyone about your carotid artery findings. But you can tell people, including and especially Jared, that you want to be healthier and feel better. You could say something like, "I'm getting older and don't feel as well as I should or I could. So, I've decided to eat better and exercise. I'd love it if you would join me for a walk every day or as often as you can. I want you to be healthy too. We can do this together and give each other support."

Jared would benefit from time away from his computer, out in the real world, around nature, fresh air, etc. I'm sure that you have your way of communicating with him to reprogram his thinking about eating and exercise. If he sees your dedication, he might be inspired.

Replace the negatives with positives. The "I can't" with "I can and I will."

You don't want to burden Jared, but what if something happens to you? You need to take care of yourself for him, as well as for you.

You are needed and loved. Love yourself. Feel your self-worth. You deserve to be healthy, happy and live a long life.

Sending prayers your way every day for strength and healing ~

Love & Light,



Rose

[clouds z]

potatoes have nicotine

leave all tobacco with a friend