May chitchat

[Ikoiko]

Sorry for your tragedy, Virginia.

[Virginia]

Thank you Jingle, Agate and Ikoiko for your condolences. We don't know the cause of death. An autopsy is being done.

We got some of us together and went out to eat this afternoon. Before we went I happened to think that no one had notified our deceased brothers children, so I sent his oldest daughters a text. It was about 2:30 and she asked where and what time we were meeting. I fold her and she said I feel the need to be with my family. She lives between an hour and an hour and a half from here. She was at work, but just got up and told them she had to leave. She was waiting at the restaurant when we got there. She was the first one there. It was good to be all together, or those of us who could be there. We had 10 adults and 2 little ones.

It did my brother good to be with us, but Eric said he will just go home and withdraw again, and I have to agree. My nephew had two daughters. The youngest one who is 19 was there with her Mother. The other one is 25 and lives in Greenville, NC. She was not here. We had all been more concerned about the youngest one. But their Mother said today it really hasn't hit her yet. The oldest one is taking it extremely hard already. She calls her Mother on the phone constantly.

I went to the grocery store after we left the restaurant. It was after 8 tonight before I got the car unloaded and it was just after 9 before I got everything put away. I will pay for this. Thankfully it was nice evening outside if I had to do something like that. I then had to undress and wash my face.

My Niece says Caleb weighs 9lbs as of yesterday. He just slept and took his bottle without waking up. I don't know how old he is going to be before I get to see his eyes.

[agate]

Virginia, I'm sure it meant a lot to the other people in your family that you were among them. And it was certainly good that you thought to notify your deceased brother's children.

Good news about Caleb! Such a nice name--and it will be very hard to make it into a nickname. Probably there won't be too many other Calebs in his generation either.

[Snuggles]

Virginia,

I am very sorry to hear of your nephew's sudden death. You are probably still grieving your brothers death and to have this happen is beyond tragic.

I am so glad you were able to be with your family at this time although it was sad it had to be under these circumstances.

I will keep your family in my prayers.

[Virginia]

Thank you Snuggles. Fred's wife went to see her family for three days. She was going to cancel, but he told her not to that she needed to be with her siblings so she left early yesterday. Eric has checked on Fred and of course I do. He told me not to worry so much. He laughed and said his youngest Granddaughter does enough of that for us all. He took her and her Mother to lunch today and she kept telling him to take care of himself that she just can't loose him too. They were coming from different directions and she made him promise to text her when he got home. I am glad she is like that. I think it gives him a purpose, although I don't think it has fully hit him yet. He tells me he is alright that he just has a hollow feeling in his stomach. He isn't sleeping of course. He has taken some of this time to talk to some friends, however he has to go to bed at 7:30 because his dog goes and gets on the bed and just looks at him "like it's bedtime, come on".

Thank you for the prayers. I didn't tell my brother but I am not sleeping either. I alternate between getting up and crying. I keep thinking one night maybe I will sleep.

Hope all of you are having a good weekend.

[agate]

I'm so sorry you and your family are having to suffer through another sad loss, Virginia. I hope that some comforting distractions will come your way so you can feel less overwhelmed by sadness--even though we know that tears are a normal way of dealing with grief. I never found it very comforting to think about the stages of grief but maybe some people do.

Does reading an interesting book help? When my father was in the hospital, where he died a few days after being admitted, my mother and I were worried to the point where we could think of little else. All we could do was sit around going through mystery stories.I guess it took our mind off all of the worst-case scenarios that were troubling us.

[Virginia]

Agate I had planned to try to read today, but when I called Fred he was in really bad shape today. It is just beginning to hit him. His wife is back and Eric called and said they were trying to get them to come to their house to eat this evening. Fred had promised he would, but we don't know if he will. Eric's youngest son flew in yesterday for Mother's Day and will have to fly back out tomorrow. So he might go because of that.

I have to be kind of peaceful to read, but I am going to try. I keep reminding myself that Rose went through this twice and then lost her husband and you have been through it. I worry more because Fred's health is so bad. I appreciate the people who are here and their kindness in listening to me.

[agate]

Every time I've had to deal with a disaster like a death of someone I cared about, I've felt very panicky and wondered how in the world I would manage.

But other people were depending on me not to go all to shreds, and when I realized that I was doing all of them a favor by not falling apart and even by occasionally trying to be helpful, it helped me to get out of the crippling panic mode.

Rose has to be made of something particularly durable. I know that it's often said that we're given only so much as we can handle but I doubt that that is true. Somehow she handled situations that would have caused many people to crumble.

[Virginia]

Yes, Agate I have been trying to calm myself for the sake of all the family. If anything happens to me it would be more of a burden on them. We have just had so much over the course of almost two years. It seemed it started in July, 2021, so not quite 2 years. Eric's MIL died and his wife's elderly Aunt and Uncle were murdered the same week. It seems to have gone on and on since then with my hospitalization and my brother's death and a multitude of other bad things. It has become like waiting for the other shoe to drop. We tend to think that when something bad happens that if we can just get through it, that will be the end for a while. It hasn't been true for us for quite a while.



n

[agate]

I doubt that this is going to be of much help either but I'll mention it anyway. Some time ago I realized that so many people in my life have been dying lately that it's probably just the way it's going to be. From now on. It's what happens as part of aging.

Living in an apartment complex filled with senior citizens for decades, I see people going out of here who never come back rather often. It's sad but it is what happens and there's absolutely nothing we can do to change that.

Years ago when my mother was getting older, I stupidly said something about all her friends. She said, "They're all dead!" And that was true.

This kind of thinking isn't usually helpful but sometimes I find it easier to get on with the day's to-do list if I can just tell myself that, yes, I'm getting old, and yes, this is what happens when we get old--that is, people in our generation are dying out, and that's just the way it is.

When the deaths happen close together, as you describe--that makes it especially hard to take.

I wish I could say something more cheerful on this subject but there just doesn't seem to be anything at all. I've known people who talk themselves into thinking of death as a reason for rejoicing: the person who died has just gone on to a wonderful reunion with family and friends or a better life in the great unknown. That may or may not be what happens, but somehow I still can't see rejoicing about anyone's death.

[Virginia]

Agate, I understand what you are saying about losing more and more people as we age. I have lost so many friends that I have lost count, but at least most of my friends were as you say in my age group. My nephew was 52 years old. That just seems too young to me. I remember when my husband died close to that age and many of my friends have had several decades together since then. Sometimes life is just not fair, but we go on the best we can and deal the best we can.

I had a friend a little older than me who lost her son at age 18. No drugs were involved and there had been no illness. He came home from college and went out with a friend. She heard him come in and open the refrigerator and then she heard him hit the floor. The Doctors told her after the autopsy that he died from something similar to SDS that happens to babies. They said in rare cases this happens to young men. I remember she and I talking and she said she didn't know why she felt she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She said I just hope it's not Julian (her husband). Within a year he too died. She has been dead for a number of years. She was one of the kindest, most gentle ladies I have ever known. Somehow she went on, but she was devoted to both of them and it was very hard. She use to get papers from some special school and grade them. When I think of her I think of dignity and courage. I wish I was half the person she was.

[agate]

That's so tragic about your friend, Virginia, and you're right that life definitely isn't fair. So much of it depends on luck, and some people have exceptionally bad luck.

My father died at 56 and my daughter died totally unexpectedly at 27. There's just no telling when we might be struck down all of a sudden.

Every day when I wake up I try to be glad I'm still alive and not in a hospital somewhere because many people aren't as lucky as I am.

[flatcap]

Hello.

I have been reading this forum off and on for many years now and have decided to sign up.

Looking around recently, it seems that a lot of the old MS forums have either closed up shop or gone to another format. I much prefer the old-school forum format you have here.

I am 60+ years old and was diagnosed with MS in 2005. I had to leave my scientific career behind in 2007 and no longer work.

So, why am I here? For one thing, I hope I can contribute to the forum. For another, I have no one to talk with about MS or other important issues in life.

I should probably also say that I have Asperger's. I am no social butterfly, and things I say might not sound the way I intend. I often feel misunderstood and hope that members will give me some slack. I am not here to cause trouble. I will do the best I can, which I hope will be enough.

Thank you for being here.

[flatcap]

I know it's trivial, but how do I add a picture to my profile?

I can't find the 'button' anywhere.

TIA

[agate]

I know it's trivial, but how do I add a picture to my profile?

I can't find the 'button' anywhere.

TIA

WELCOME, FLATCAP!

There's nothing trivial about wanting to add a picture to your profile. I just changed mine to make sure that the process was still working, and apparently it is. If you go to your Profile, you should see "Edit Avatar" or some such notice over at the top left. If you click on that, you should be taken to some options for finding the image you want. If you follow the instructions there, you should be able to post an image from your own files. If you want to post an image from somewhere else, I believe that's possible too.

Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. People with MS should always cut one another a lot of slack. We never know just how MS may be hitting someone.

This place is probably one of the very oldest MS message boards. We have a very long history (for the Internet--at least 25 years, I think) and many here can hark back to our glory days, the many years when there were hundreds of people here at any time. It was almost too busy at times and that may not have been the best thing. Now there are fewer of us but we try to stay civilized. We have keen memories for just how bad things could get when people gave vent to rage or even just a lack of understanding here. You might say that people here have learned a thing or two about message boards over the years.