January 2024 chitchat--HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[agate]

The years keep rolling over, don't they? Here comes another one--ready for it?

[flatcap]

Happy 2024, everyone! Hard to believe that number, isn't it? It sometimes feels unreal. Ready or not, time marches on, and here we are.

We've been sitting under 100% cloud cover for some time now, and it looks like there's a lot more to come. It's not supposed to clear up for at least another week, but I don't mind as long the clouds reach the ground. I don't have to drive very much or very far and actually like the fog. In fact, I prefer it. I find it less depressing than a high-flying blanket of gray that does nothing but block the sunlight. For me, it's more fun to be immersed in this kind of weather rather than sitting far below it.

I do have to put the new tabs on my license plate, though. That's getting more and more difficult all the time, thanks to my tremor: it gets worse every year. My car is due for service this month, so I have been thinking about asking them to put the 2024 tab on my plate. I don't much like asking for help, but I think I might this time. I always just hope people will believe I need it. I am a lot less embarrassed by it when I think they do. Maybe my New Year's resolution should be becoming more open to asking for and receiving help.

Not much other news here. Looking forward, I haven't any plans for 2024 beyond staying where I am now. My lease doesn't come up for renewal again until November, so I'll be here at least until then. Beyond that, I plan to stay here as long as I can afford to. I hope I never have to find a new place.

I also hope everyone has a good 2024. The plain fact is, we deserve it.

[agate]

Funny thing about hands and arms--there just aren't any acknowledgments built into the world we live in for people who have problems using their hands and/or arms. Someone with a leg problem uses a cane or walker or wheelchair and is immediately identifiable as someone with a problem. But the person with mobility and dexterity problems with the hands or arms has to TELL people, which amounts to asking for help, or else has to ASK outright for help, and I find that hard. I usually just keep struggling with whatever it is I'm handling. Or give up. Or wait around and hope for a better time on another day.

Pulling or inserting plugs into outlets is a chore. Sometimes turning on lights is a chore. My problems are probably mostly due to arthritis but there's some tremor too.

[Virginia]

I agree about the hands. There have been a couple of times that I have had no choice but to ask for help. In my Dentist office is one when I use to pay by check. I would get it signed and hand it to them. Now that they have a credit card machine I still have to sign, but I don't have to make out the check. The other place is the pharmacy, when I go for a vaccine. There are always papers to fill out. I have to tell them I can't do it. They do it, and I sign it.

I wonder if any of you are going to make any resolutions for the year ahead of us. One thing I will not do is be grateful for my multiple sclerosis. I have heard people on this forum back when there were so many on here say they were grateful, and I was baffled as to why anyone would be grateful for a chronic, debilitating disease. I have had many people use that saying "what doesn't break you makes you stronger" in relation to my MS. Well, I have been strong in spite of it, not because of it.

There are many things for which I am grateful. I am very grateful that I have been able to keep a roof over my head and food on the table since my husband died. I am grateful for all the time that I have been able to drive and do my own shopping. I am not grateful for MS which is dictating that a lot of that may be nearing its end. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for a few friends; some I met on this forum. I am not grateful for the MS that has caused me to be unable to do things and loose some of my friends because of it. I am grateful that when I was finally diagnosed with MS that I found this forum. As much as I am grateful for this forum, I am not grateful for the MS that brought me here.

I am always grateful when I do go out and come home safely. I am grateful when I fall, not for the fall, but that no bones were broken (so far). I can find a lot of good things to be grateful for, but I refuse to be grateful for multiple sclerosis or the symptoms it has brought into my life.

I hope all of you enjoy the rest of your New Year's Day and the coming year. Flatcap, I thought you had said you were to get a raise along about now that would help you remain in your apartment. I hope I am right. You seem to enjoy living there and it seems to suit you. I know what you are saying about the clouds being under you. One of my very favorite pictures of my husband was taken in Austria. There were clouds above and below him, but the sun was out where he was. He was in the mountains.

[agate]

I don't understand being grateful for MS either. Maybe people are trying to cheer us up. Or maybe they're trying to cheer themselves up. I've noticed that people get depressed by knowing someone has a chronic disorder and they don't want to be depressed--so they think up a "bright side" even if it's quite a reach to find one.

Being grateful for what we still do have is certainly a good idea.

How are you feeling since your fall, Virginia?

[Virginia]

Agate, I am doing alright. I just went back to my exercising and kind of kept doing what I had been doing. However, I don't know about you but for me, I found it somewhat demoralizing. I just didn't see it coming at all. My legs felt no weaker than usual, and my balance was no worse than usual. But I am alright. My brother says that I was given the fortitude and will to cope, and that is different than having to feel you are strong all the time. He says I don't give up. He may not know the times I, and probably all of us, have felt like giving in and giving up.

I hope you have had a nice day. I fixed collards, black-eyed peas and a very small piece of center cut pork chop for dinner. I don't know if that is tradition in other places or not, but it is here in the South.

I just hope Linda is doing as well as possible at what must be a very trying time for her. I hope we will hear from her sometime soon.

[flatcap]

Agate, loved your posting Little Richard. He was a madman! The guitar solos are hilarious on that track. I love it when music makes me laugh.

Virginia, I will be getting some relief when my pension kicks in. That, coincidentally, will be on November 1st. As long as rents don't keep climbing the way they are now, I should be able to stay on here for a while. I have no idea what will come after that. I worry about it every day.

As for being "grateful" for having MS, I am right there with you and Agate. The very idea is ridiculous. Every time I read the latest issue of the MS Society magazine, there is someone in there saying how their MS made their life better. It's absurd. In fact, it makes me angry. Whatever they think they suddenly found was right there all along. They should be forced to try being totally alone with MS. I don't think many people know, much less understand, what that is really like. I think you get more isolated as you get older in our ageist society, but it's even worse for those of us who have been struck down by something like MS.

[agate]

Every time I read the latest issue of the MS Society magazine, there is someone in there saying how their MS made their life better. It's absurd. In fact, it makes me angry. Whatever they think they suddenly found was right there all along. They should be forced to try being totally alone with MS. I don't think many people know, much less understand, what that is really like. I think you get more isolated as you get older in our ageist society, but it's even worse for those of us who have been struck down by something like MS.

Yes, and those upbeat magazines never seem to mention falls, somehow, or have I been missing something?

Virginia, you're so right about falls being demoralizing. I haven't been the same since that fall last May--I mean my whole attitude is skittish now. I was actually tempted today by a product I found offered in the online catalog of health aids that United Health Care (my insurance plan) has, and I'm astonished that I was even tempted by it, given the price ($192 minus the $40 discount I'd be getting on it--so $152). It's a pole that extends from floor to ceiling by your bathtub, held in place by tension (so you don't have to drill holes to attach it to the ceiling) and on it there are some handles you can hang onto to help in getting in and out of the bathtub. I can't believe I seriously considered this, after foolishly investing in the suction-type grab bar that has only very limited usefulness.

I'm trying to stop thinking of myself who's about to topple over (again) at any moment. It's not a good attitude. But on the other hand a person shouldn't overdo.

Virginia, you're describing hoppin' john, I think? My mother sent me a recipe for it but I don't think I ever made it because by then I wasn't eating meat any more. I'm sure it's tasty because I love black-eyed peas. I've heard it's a southern tradition on New Year's Day.

I hope we hear from Linda too. Losing someone who's been a major part of your life for many decades is difficult. To put it mildly.

[flatcap]

Agate, I don't recall ever reading in Momentum about someone falling. It is little more than a three-color brochure advertising MS as if having it were a vacation.

Regarding that pole or whatever they are calling it, I'm glad you didn't waste your money on one. I think the only way to go with something like that is mounting it using screws. I would not rely on tension or friction.

Two screw-mounted grab bars were already installed when I moved in here. One is vertical and mounted on the wall just outside the tub at the end with the faucet and drain. It helps me keep my balance once I am on my feet again and step out of the tub. The horizontal bar runs the full length of the tub and mounted about three feet above the bottom. It works well for holding on when sitting down or getting up from the tub. I also hold onto it as I step into the tub. I use both hands on the horizontal bar when I do.

Our building will install these grab/balance bars if needed at the tenant's request. The cost is $75 each. Perhaps your building might do this for you. If similarly priced, you could get two of them for the cost of the contraption you were looking at.

I sit down in the tub for showers so I don't fall when taking one. My legs start shaking when I stand for one. Sitting down is obviously safer. I am glad the bars are there to facilitate this. If they weren't, I would have them installed. Safety is paramount. No one should be afraid to ask for help like that. I would encourage you to do so. If the management turns you down, I would keep a written record. It might come in handy if you ever fall and sue them over it. Your lawyer will thank you.


Virginia, you asked about New Year's resolutions. I have three of them.

1) Be more open to asking for help.

2) Stop beating myself up over things from my past. This has been going on as far back as I can remember. Enough is enough.

3) Stop worrying so much about the future, which I almost constantly do. I can't do much about it. Worrying about it is pointless.

Writing those down makes me think of more, but three seems like a good number. It's probably better to not take on too much. It's unrealistic. None of it would get done. Perhaps next year we can all look back and see how we did in 2024.

I'm glad you are recovering from your fall. Like Agate, that's another thing I worry about all the time: falling. My wish is that none of us ever have to go through it again.


This goes out to Linda: We are here for you if you need us, and I know Agate and Virginia would like to hear from you. So would I.

[agate]

flatcap, this building is a HUD building and they can do "reasonable accommodations" for residents at no cost to the resident. My special doorbell for the hearing-impaired was one of those. If it's something costly, I think there probably has to be a doctor's note. Several people have had bathtubs with cut-aways or doors on them installed to replace the existing bathtub, and those were done at no cost to them but they probably needed to show a medical need. I would be able to show a medical need but just now seems a bad time to request anything major because the outgoing manager, who has been doing a great job for 15 years, is retiring in a few days and we have no replacement for her in sight. So I've put the bathtub issue on a back burner for now.

This place is amply supplied with grab bars. For some reason there are two parallel ones on the wall next to the toilet, another horizontal one running the length of the bathtub (about a foot above the tub) and a very handy L-shaped one on the wall where the shower and faucet are. They really believed in grab bars when they built this place. There are handrails in all the halls and stairwells too. Some HUD buildings were well built, and this one seems to have been one of them. The previous one I lived in had some big problems but handrails were present.

Sounds as if you have a shower chair? Many people here have those.

We just have to keep on making adjustments as time goes by, I guess.

[agate]

Here is the bathtub support gadget I'm not going to try--It actually attaches to the bathtub rim. I thought it went from floor to ceiling but that was wrong.

[flatcap]

I bought a shower chair about the same time I decided that I should be sitting for showers. I got it on Amazon. It came to me broken. You couldn't tell by just looking at the shipping box. It was sturdy and undamaged.

So, I started the process to get a replacement. It was the first time I ever returned anything to Amazon. I could hardly believe how easy it was. Actually, because the chair was broken, I didn't have to return it. They just shipped the replacement.

When the replacement arrived, I assembled it but it took up to much room in the tub. It's more of a stool, so that's what I've been using it for. I sit on it to tie my shoes sometimes. Mostly, it just sits there gathering dust. (I usually wear slip-ons.) I will probably give it away at some point. I am not a furniture collector. In fact, I have very little of it. The chair doesn't look very good, anyway.

That gadget you were looking at is similar to others I've seen. I don't think it would work very well unless the inside surface of the tub was parallel to the outside surface. My tub has a definite slope to it on the inside surfaces, so I don't think I would try the thing. It's clear to me what would happen. The gadget wouldn't 'stick'. It would be prone to slipping.

I'm assuming, of course, the gadget has a screw mechanism to tighten it to the tub. If it doesn't, I would think that would be even worse.

Bottom line: I think you were smart to give the gadget a pass. The principle is sound; the execution is not. It looks too rickety to me; it doesn't seem safe.

We were discussing it a while back, and if I remember right, Virginia was looking for something like that gadget to help her get in and out of bed. Most of those I could find on Amazon had the same fatal flaw: insufficient anchoring. If the thing won't stay put, I would think that would be more dangerous than getting in and out of bed without it. I would want something bolted to the bed frame.

I hope you can get your problem worked out with HUD and the new manager for your building. It sounds like they are very good in the accommodation department. Hopefully that won't change with the new management.


ETA: I found that gadget on Amazon. Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... Twenty-nine reviews suggest it's pretty sturdy. It is also said to be easy to install. I still wouldn't buy one. The videos on Amazon say to me it is both hard to install and rickety.

[agate]

flatcap, the Amazon description includes this:

The bathtub transfer pole is compatible with standard alcove bathtubs with flat sides;

My bathtub has a slight slope on its inside wall too, now that you mention it.

The gadget looks as if it has a knob for tightening it to the tub wall. That feature looks a lot like the knob on another grab bar I installed some years ago, and it's been working fine all this time. I check the knob occasionally and tighten it up a little. It isn't supposed to be too tight if the tub is plexiglass, but so far it hasn't put any cracks in the tub.

EDITED TO ADD: I looked at the installation video. They've included some screws "for added security." Putting those into a high ceiling would be a challenge....

[flatcap]

Agate, I know you're not looking for my approval, but I like your new profile pic.

The old one wasn't bad, but this new one is better.

[agate]

Heh, I was younger when that one you prefer was taken. But thanks for the compliment. There's a newbie here who was asking about getting an avatar or Profile picture, and I was testing the process to make sure it was still working.