Sandwiched between

[moul4]

It has been a long time since I have to this site, I have missed it. Life has gotten in the way for too long.

This could be seen as a vent, but I am needing to talk to someone. As my subject line says, I am feeling sandwched between. My Mother had a hemmoragic stroke at the end of November last year. This was her second stroke in 2 years. She was lucky the first time. Just some cognitive problems. She was able to drive, substitute teach and was pretty independent. However, the second stroke has left her unable to walk, the cognitive problems are worse an,d she has been in a skilled nursing facility getting 3 hours of therapy a day sine January. She didn't do any of things she was told to do after the first stroke (ie: lose weight, exercise, take her meds regularly). I am angry because although it could have happened anyway, the things that could have prevented it were not done. I have been living with MS for over 20 years and you can bet I've done everything I can to help it since my diagnosis. Lost 100 lbs, swim, eat right, take my meds, go to doctor appointments on a regular schedule, decreased the stress in my life. MS wasn't something I asked for and we do not know what caused it, but I do what I can to make life as good as it can be for me, my husband and my kids.

My daughter is expecting our first grandchild in 8 weeks and my son is graduating High School in June. Two very exciting moments in all of our lives. But I am worn out worring about my Mother, visiting her as often as I can. ((I have got it down to 2 days a week)(btw I am an only child of an only child)). I don't know how to get it across to my parents that I need to take some time off.

[agate]

Thanks for checking in, moul4. I'm so sorry about your mother though. It's more than irritating when a family member doesn't do the things they need to do to get well or stay well, but you can only do so much by way of helping.

Unless your mother didn't understand what she was supposed to be doing--not likely--the ball was in her court. The procedure to follow was laid out for her, and she made her choice. At least that's how it sounds to me.

But that's really good news about your kids. Congratulations on both the graduation and the grandchild!

[moul4]

Agate,
Thanks for the reply. You are correct, I would feel a little different if my Mother truly did not know what she was doing. Her comment was always that she didn't have time to exercise, that her feet hurt so she couldn't take a walk and that that she didn't like taking pills. My Father wasn't helping either by letting her do or eat whatever she wanted. It just sux, that I am the one to pick up the pieces.

[stillstANNding]

Hi Moul4.

I think I understand your situation from both sides. My Mom had a heart attack a few years ago and did not seek medical attention. This was in the month of May. She described it to her PMD in a scheduled 6 mo visit in July and ended up in ICU. She had very serious damage to her heart- muscle actually died.

She was given diet, exercise and other things to do- like "Join a gym or Silver Sneakers program" along with some pricey cardiac drugs. However, she eats bacon and enjoys it. And hot dogs. And sweets. She has gained weight which makes walking more difficult. She does all her ADA's and takes care of the house and the laundry. She drives and has a social life busier than mine. She is happy and enjoys her life. She is 87.

I worry over every gram of fat she eats. I worry that she spends too much time in the recliner. But she is intelligent and has decided which things are important to her enjoyment of life and which things she will disregard.

I think we MS'ers do the same. We listen to advice and "orders" and then take what works for us and leave the rest.

I wish you peace.
ANN

[Virginia]

Hi Moul4,

I can understand a little of what you are saying. I have not exactly been there, but I was caregiver to my Father for nine years. He didn't do exactly what your Mother did, but when he spent 3 months in rehabilitation after a stroke he would not try to learn the things he needed to do as far as cooking and taking care of things for himself. He had only the use of one arm, but they could have taught him much more. His comment was that when he got home he would have someone to do all that for him. He did do all he could to walk again. But guess who ended up seeing that everything was taken care of during that time - me.
I do not regret it, but do not want to be like that. I want to do all that I can for myself.

Good luck to you.

[SalpalSally]

Hi Moul, welcome back.

Yes I was the middle of that sandwich, worried about my Mother with
Cancer, Me with MS and my DD also with MS. Now I am the top piece
of bread, DD has me to worry about now with MS, she with MS and 5
children to raise.. I try very hard not to be needy..

How is everything else going for you? Check in often. ((((hugs))))

[moul4]

Thank you all for letting me vent and for sharing your experiences.

Well, my mother has returned home from the Skilled Living Facility that she was in for four months after her stroke. Things really aren't that much better. The cognitive damage is more than I realized. She thinks she can still do things that she is not able to like walk or get into the car. She thinks we are lecturing her when we tell her she must go thru certain steps to complete a task (like go to the bathroom). My Father is tired, stressed out and I can only offer so much help.

Btw, I have had to move my 89 year old Grandmother up here at the end of April due some recent falls she has had in order to have her closer to family (what little there is) for her safety and everyone's sanity (what little we have).

Good news is that my daughter had a healthy baby boy last weekend. And that has definitely been a ray of sunshine.

And I am getting ready for my son's graduation. Really looking forward to that one.

I am also glad to say that I've not had any MS stuff pop up (fingers crossed) while going through this. I think maybe I'm doing this through adrenaline.

[agate]

I'm sorry your mother's recovery hasn't been as good as hoped. I understand it can take 6 months or a year for some of the stroke damage to disappear. Is she getting any therapy?

Hope your son's graduation turns out to be a very pleasantly memorable occasion!

I think adrenaline does see us through sometimes. I guess we should be glad that it does.

[Gary]

Everything Agate says+................

My dad had terminal cancer was given 6 to 8 months long story made short he lived 12 years. It might still be with us but as for whatever reason the cancer went away and he took this to mean that medical science was always wrong and there was no reason to take blood pressure medication. There is nothing that can be done to help someone who doesn't want it. Myself included. I try to do most everything the Dr tells me. But I think that your mind set has a lot to do wit it.

Best of luck.