New diagnosis of a friend

[mg12061]

My daughter has a friend who was just diagnosed with MS. She would like to put together something along the lines of a gift bag for her... Assuming you think that's appropriate. Is there anything at all that you think she would Like/use or would be comforting or helpful? I usually post in the Child Neurology thread but I knew this group was here and thought it may be helpful to ask here what your thoughts are and how she can be helpful to her friend/co worker.
Thanks in advance,
Mary

[stillstANNding]

I think your daughter can help by making time for her friend, forgiving times that friend may cancel on her w short notice but generally treat her the same.

I can't think of a gift bag idea. Not even books. The friend will find her way to books and resources that attract her.

I think just treating her like she always has and taking her cues from the friend is whst she want.

ANN

[agate]

I'm sorry I don't have any gift bag ideas either, but I agree with stillstANNding.

She might want to take her mind off the serious diagnosis. If her friend would just be there for her, not hovering anxiously but just being her friendly self--that might be comforting.

[Lazarus]

Gifts for the newly diagnosed..

It is helpful if friends learn a few things to guide their own behaviors. Most of us find it problematic when well meaning friends tell us about something they just read that is a cure for MS. Or friends thinking it will help if they tell us we look so well. (We all do but how we feel has little to do with how we look.) or friends encouraging us to take it easy when many of us can move around comfortably. Or friends telling us about another friend with MS who CAN DO x, y or z.
It is helpful for friends to understand that MS shows somewhat differently for each of us. Depends on which parts of the brain are under attack. Yes, it is also helpful if friends know the difference between MS and MD.

So, I have given you a gift basket for the friends of a person with MS rather than a gift for the actual MSer.
One last point, the person who is newly diagnosed often has a weak understanding of MS. It certainly took me a long time to learn the ins and outs of multiple sclerosis.

So, a listening friend is the best gift of all.

[mg12061]

Thank you everyone for your quick responses. Great ideas! I will pass these words along to my daughter.
Mary

[Jeanie Z]

:) You might give the link to this website to your daughter for her friend. Also I would like to add that I have been on LDN since 2000 and I quit progressing. I wish I had found it before I lost my balance and walking ability. The info site for LDN is Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... and click on the MS link. Jeanie :)

[Sunshine]

Being a good friend, a good listener is all she will need at this point. A gift bag is good for someone who as a temporary illness, but otherwise maybe not so much,

She can tell your friend that this bulletin board will offer big support and knowledge, there maybe another busier board that has knowledge as well. Join all of them, or just lurk for awhile,

This board helps me feel not alone with MS and the ideas are almost always sound.

[Frog42]

People gave me gifts when they found out I have MS and it just felt weird to be thanked for having an incurable disease. Being there to listen is the best thing you can do for her.

[funnylegs4]

Hi Mary Grace,
I don't know squat about MS but If I remember correctly when my teacher had his stroke we did not exchange any sort of gift until about a year after the stroke when he gave me a gift for helping him. If your daughter wishes to give her friend a gift perhaps just something small(tea bags maybe?) and a note saying "I'm really glad we are friends and if you need anything at all please tell me. I want to help you but I do not know how. " That's what I told him, and by admitting I didn't know what to do it allowed him to tell me what HE wanted. I treated him as normal unless he was in physical discomfort etc. I'm sure you remember from my old thread. Thanks again for your help back then and I wish all the best to your daughter and her friend.

[agate]

One of the best things she can do for her friend with MS is not to forget about her as time goes by. Too often a person's friends, even family, and especially colleagues from work drift away, get on with their lives, and tend to overlook the person who has MS and may not get out so much any more.

[funnylegs4]

One of the best things she can do for her friend with MS is not to forget about her as time goes by. Too often a person's friends, even family, and especially colleagues from work drift away, get on with their lives, and tend to overlook the person who has MS and may not get out so much any more.

I second what you said agate. I stayed in touch with my teacher who had the stroke because I did not want him to think I had drifted away. We still communicate regularly. I think if your daughter sticks around long term the friendship may deepen and be better for both involved Mary Grace.

[Lazarus]

One of the best things she can do for her friend with MS is not to forget about her as time goes by. Too often a person's friends, even family, and especially colleagues from work drift away, get on with their lives, and tend to overlook the person who has MS and may not get out so much any more.

Great advice!

[mg12061]

All great great advice. Thank you for your input. I was wondering if there's a helpful book or if there may be things like someone mentioned teas, heated lavender neck wrap ( I use one and it's very relaxing) anything that may be helpful with what comes with MS... I don't know much about this and what the challenges may be. Thanks again I'll pass your suggestions along.
Mary

[SuzE-Q]

I can't really think of anything...gift certificates for massages would be a divine treat for many of us, just a way to relax and be pampered, so long as she wouldn't feel pressured to use them if it's too much effort to get there for them, etc.

I agree with you that tools for relaxation are great, just so long as it doesn't come across as implying that teas and neck soothers are going to do anything to remove her MS, that wouldn't be a good message to send - that's along the same lines as all the "helpful advice" we're always given of vitamins, teas, dried herbs, visualizations, hypnosis, colonics, etc. that "so-and-so took that helped their MS".

And if Howie suggests a case of beer...ignore him. LOL

[funnylegs4]

Does the MS friend have spasticity? I could go on a whole list of spasticity related gifts, massages being one. I am not much of a good gift giver but in this situation it might also be good for your daughter to give her friend something she already likes that has nothing to do with MS like a book on a subject they like or a DVD. Most gifts I receive have nothing to do with CP.