coming out from under the bridge

[HellBoundTroll]

Hi folks:

A few may remember me. LOL!

Just wondering, and I know no one posts here anymore, essentially, but it is still "home," when I have questions....Any docs on the West Coast that come floating up to the top for cervical.

I was supposed to be re-evaluated in two years after my last visit with the top-doc on the coast -- in 2010, but, you know, things come up -- like severe depression...

So, am being pestered by a SO to get checked out. Really don't want to -- but called to my old standby doc in the BAY AREA of Calif and was basically shoved aside. O.K. with me, but to keep peace in the household, figured I would try, sorta, again....to see if I could get into a doc. My other "go to" doctor in Oregon has retired and I DO NOT trust the person who has taken over his practice (if old "squiggly deb" from Oregon posted here still, she could tell you why...).

Dave

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Dave)))))) ~

Back!

I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with severe depression. I hope that you are feeling better now.

Unfortunately, I don't know any spine docs, and I don't live in your area. Perhaps some Google searching will help you ~ First, check out the major hospitals in your area on line. Most of them have "Find a Doctor" links. Track down the spine docs, copy their names, then look them up on Google. You might find a Yelp site, with reviews of the doctors.

It's always a good idea to keep peace in the household, and you are a lucky guy to have an SO who loves and cares about you enough to encourage you to see a physician.

Hope you find the best one around!

Love & Light,

Rose

[Mark N]

Hellbound Troll, it is good to say hi to you once again. I don't have any info on West Coast spinal doctors but I hope you find one that works for you. I know your SO has recommended seeing a doctor but sometimes things are as good as they will ever be. We face a crap shoot any time we have another surgery and unfortunately some end up worse than before the surgery. I have reached the point I won't have another surgery unless paralysis becomes a real issue. Good luck with your search.

[HellBoundTroll]

Troll again:

To be quite honest with you guys, I really battle the bottle. Alcoholism. I go weeks without an issue, and then, I have a lost weekend, or two. Self-medicate they say for pain, which is fairly severe. I do not necessarily agree with that. I think it is depression, but the doctors say "tomato/tomatoe."

It is an embarrassing thing to admit. And, I feel ashamed of it all. If any of you, and I don't know why you would, remember, I was a firefighter/fire investigator when I was injured. I did O.K. after, but then wife had cancer, took up the bottle and left this planet some 15 years ago. I sort of took up where she left off.

Not "trolling" for sympathy, HA HA. Just putting it out there, in the event anyone is facing the same demons, you are not alone.

Lee, who used to frequent this board tried to help me. She is a dear sweet soul and hope she is doing well.

Anyway, I actually think I do pretty well, considering, but that is what the "pros" tell me is my problem. Just because I don't drink every day, it does not mean I am well...ah well...off on a tangent, am I not.

Just one last rant, I do miss these boards, even though they did become pretty much useless at their peak (I do know some disagree with that).....the 1998-99 years were the best in MHO.

Think I will abandon the doc search at the moment. The S/O has left for greener pastures as they say. My dog does not seem to think I need an MRI, hey life is good, sorta...and, yes sober at the moment.

But, Wednesday is another day!
dave

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Dave)))))) ~

Thank you for your service as a fire fighter/fire investigator. I can't even begin to imagine the challenges you faced in that service. It is an extremely stressful and dangerous career. Clearly, you have suffered a long lasting injury, which I would suspect includes memories you cannot erase.

Your pain runs deeper than your physical pain. You lost your wife. You are still grieving and emotionally wounded. You are looking for a balm, and the bottle provides you with a temporary escape.

Don't be ashamed, Dave. It takes courage to come here and lay your issues on the table. And to ask for support and to offer support to others, who are in the same boat. To me, that indicates that you want to change, that you are looking for other ways of coping.

Have you considered counseling or therapy? Have you pursued AA or other avenues of sobriety?

In case this is something that troubles you ~ let me reassure you that you are worthy of love. You put your life on the line in your career to save others. It takes a special kind of person to do that. And remember that you didn't cause your wife's cancer, and you didn't cause your physical issues. Try to release whatever guilt you might be feeling to help you heal.

I don't know whether you need an MRI or to consult a specialist for your physical pain. Only you can determine that. But, I strongly feel that your spirit needs mending, and I pray that you will pursue avenues to help you in that regard. Please don't despair, Dave. Life can be good. Just keep searching for those moments, when it is good. Cling to them and keep moving forward.

Keep talking ~ let it out ~

Love & Light,

Rose

[Mark N]

Dave, I agree with Rose that you are dealing with a lot of pain both physical and emotional. It is not an easy burden to deal with especially when you were so active before. i know I miss the physical things in life I used to do but have come to an understanding with myself so now I don't miss it so much. The best advice I can give you is what has kept me going through the years of chronic pain from spinal issues, live life one day at a time and forgive yourself any day you come up short. No matter the amount of pain one day brings I know I can make it through that day. The hard part is to forget about the day as I sleep and start the next day anew. I hope you find some relief in a way you can feel good about getting the relief you need.

[HellBoundTroll]

Tis me again.

Gosh, I felt so embarrassed after I posted that I never wanted to come back here, but I finally did...

Anyway, pretty much "dry" now for a month -- gosh, so long....sarcastic tone....

Don't know what else to say....doing the day by day thing. Have those times when I just want it all to end, as I am sure you all face.

Pain is a strange mistress. None of want her, but she loves to embrace us all.

dave

so,

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Dave)))))) ~

I'm glad that you returned, and you need not feel embarrassed, because you are with friends here, who understand and care about you.

Congratulations on your milestone, and just remember to take it day by day, or sometimes minute by minute, and you will succeed. Be proud of your accomplishment ~ don't diminish it.

Look for other ways to build up your spirits. Take up a hobby. Volunteer, if you can, to help others, or animals. Speaking of which, how about adopting a pet? A built in, unconditional loving companion?

Be sure to get outside for fresh air and sunshine (Vitamin D), as that might lift your spirits too.

Sending positive, healing energy your way ~

Love & Light,

Rose

[Mark N]

Dave, congratulations on your being sober for a month. Please don't down play it as it is a positive state and day by day is the only way I can make it each day due to the pain and discomfort dispite having pain medication. I had an Uncle and Brother that died from alcoholism so I know about self-medication; it is one reason I don't drink despite not liking the taste. Pain is a strange mistress to us as it is much like an addiction IE something we can't stay away from but something we don't want in our lives. Other than to send you good thoughts and prayers I can't think of anything else I can do. If you want someone to talk to now and then email me at markn1347586@sbcglobal.net

[Lil E]

Hey HBTroll,
There is a spine center at St. Mary's in S.F. I went there when my journey first started. They are very good and especially James Zucherman. I would also recommend the Laser Spine Institute. Google them for where they are. I went to Florida for laser surgery there in 2009, was fantastic. Also I switched from opiate meds to medical marijuana which is working very well. I use a tincture made from marijuana soaked in Everclear. Ingesting it is better than smoking it for pain. There is a site called leafly.com that tells you about the properties of each different strain. Good luck.

[agate]

I don't often drop by the Spinal forum but happened to notice this thread.

If you're looking for neuros in Oregon or WA state, I know of a couple who seemed better than average to me though with MS I'm not in the same situation as you and don't really know how well they deal with other issues.

If you're interested in more info, just send me a PM and I'll provide some details.

[HellBoundTroll]

Hi Everyone:

Yes, I am back. -- just wish I had a new back! Actually that would be neck, but....

Anyway, I found a new fantastic cure for my neuropathy, venom from hornets! It hurts but it works. Of course, I hope I never "try it" again and for many people it could be fatal, so I guess that is a drawback!

What actually took place is that I disturbed a nest and ended up with some dozen stings/bites. Lucky it was not worse, and I am not allergic, but it sure hurt. But, you know, and it could just be coincidence, my neuro pain has really calmed down -- like nearly gone.

Of course, that happens on very rare occasions sometimes anyway, but seemed I remembered something about venom being a cure for neuro-skeletal things and I did a bit of Web poking, and it is true.

did not see any references for neuro issues, but hey, I am happy. More or less pain-free for a couple of days now....Now if I can just find those pesky hornets again and convince them to sting me again....

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your kind words, much appreciated. I did "slip" on my dry spell on Saturday, but as you guys say, I'm just trying to move forward.

Agate I sent you a PM -- couple of things I wanted to note for you...
dave

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Dave)))))) ~

How fortuitous that you found relief from hornet venom! Perhaps you should study on how to attract hornets, and cultivate them! If you could figure out how to extract their venom without being stung, you could probably make a fortune!

I'm very happy for you that you are nearly pain free, and I hope it continues to be so for you.

Take each day as it comes and do your best to make it a good day.

Love & Light,

Rose

[Mark N]

HB Troll, interesting to solve your pain and I have seen articles about venom being investigated as a way to treat neuropathic pain. It will be interesting to see how long the effect last. I have to say though not many people will be willing to disturb a hornet's nest to achieve pain relief. It is good to hear from you again and that overall you are doing better at least for now but please avoid hornets in the future.

[HellBoundTroll]

Hey, Mark:

So: Can't remember totally, but I am just beginning to get some pain back today, Friday. And I think....I could be wrong, Monday was my day of "stings."

Anyway, pain is mild at the moment -- around 11 p.m. PDT.....I actually talked to a guy this week whose father used to go the neighbor's house once a week and stick his hand into their bee hives to get a couple of stings to calm down his artrithis -- yeah, I did not spell that right, but you know what I mean....

Interesting. Probably no money in it for big PHARM, though, so I doubt we will be seeing any wonder drugs from it.