Okay now I am worried lol

[houghchrst]

Well I am feeling a bit manic. I think? I am bored out of my mind. I have cried maybe 3 times in the last month and a half. My house is relatively clean. Dishes done, bills being paid, yes I hurt but while it is always an almost debilitating constant I seem to be just managing to ignore it, sort of lol. Money is finally starting to come in thank you God.

So is this how I am supposed to feel now that my life is finally settling after years of struggling, pain, manic worrying and crying? I am still having trouble relaxing enough so that my shoulders aren't hunched up around my ears in that ever stressed pose of waiting for the anvil to drop. Or am I manic. I do not feel overly depressed and every time my mind tries to flit to something that I would usually worry about I have to remind myself that it is being taken care of.

Maybe it is just cabin fever.

[Barque]

Hmmm, why do you put " lol " in the title when this is not a funny topic? Habit maybe? I see people do that in chat rooms, they put lol after everything they say no matter how unfunny what they say is.

OK, back to the cabin fever. I know exactly what you mean about worrying. I do that too BUT and this is wierd:

I asked Jesus to take it away because I was just miserable. Since my stroke a few months ago, I don't seem to be doing it like I was. I am not so bothered as I was. I am tending to get up and take some kind of action about it when it starts, that's IF I am able, otherwise I move or try to move my mind onto something else not so troubling.

[houghchrst]

Barque the whole purpose for the LOL is because I am trying to lighten it up, it is about me so I am not generalizing, and show whoever sees the title that I am not yet certifiable. I am obviously not too worried or I would be doing something about it. I am not depressed, I am not being destructive. For me when I am usually manic it is the uncontrollable worrying about things. The crushing depression/pain circle. The obsessive thought processes. But in all reality I think I am feeling pretty good mentally. I still hurt all the time. Most of the biggest things that took up so much time and energy and thought are finally straightening out. So it's like I no longer have all of those things constantly niggling so my brain doesn't quite know what to do. The feeling is rare. Besides the being antsy I have energy. So for me it is a bit confusing. I don't know, I guess it makes no sense. And on the day I stop laughing at or about my self then you might as well bury me LOL.

[joy]

what my LOL means

I can explain my LOL's. They mean I big ole (I) or little ole I whatever I am feeling, I have enough sense to know that I am still in control. I might be struggling, down, indifferent and getting kinda scared and worried but by golly, LOL, I am STILL hanging on and in the game.

I just had to come back and edit this to say this as well. I was thinking this morning how good it is to have a place like this. Where one can connect to others. And also at the same time thinking kinda how sad that I needed to be here. Huum. But deep down, I know it is far better to have this than not to have it and I am grateful for all the connecting even if only by typing that I get out of it. It would be a very lonely existence for me without it I suspect. So thanks for the exchanges we give each other.

[tic chick]

chris ,

i have read that when you have been through a continued period of stress, like you have the last couple years, that you get PTSD or something similar in nature and effetcs to your brain and body.

i think it's good that you keep reminding yourself that this is something you don't have to worry about right now or for a while. that retrains your brain to stop viewing it as unpleasant because i also read that the amygdla portion of our brain retains bad experiences so that we don't ever run into the same circumstances agai...so what it's doing it constantly reminding us of the pain we went through.

you have to keep telling that amygdala to "shut up" cause this isn't something it has to keep reminding you of, thank you. i think the amygdala will get the message after awhile.

it's been so short a time, chris, just a month or so that your worries have eased. warm showers or soaking in the tub and thinking about not having certain worries might help you ease that feeling of hunched over shoulders. you do know that emotional pain manifests itself physically, too. maybe being able to sort of ignore your pain and get on with your life is not manic, but a result of the lessening of the financial probs you have had the last few years and the struggles with all the government departments, your children's probs....etc.

i understand barque's point. some people keep putting that "lol" after everything they say, no matter how serious or unfunny it is. perhaps it's because they don't want to worry anyone or maybe it's deeper seated and they don't think thier problems are serious and so they minimize them by the "lol". chris and joy, i think you've clarified what your "lol's" mean...but sometimes i do worry about people who use that "lol" when talking about the gravest problems in their live's.

joy , i wish that i didn't need a place like this to come to, also. that would mean that i had no worries and no probs...lol...and that's not ever going to happen. in addition to the support i receive and give here, i think of all of you as such wonderful, giving people and i would love to meet each and everyone of you for lunch ....one day.

thank you all for being here ,
jeannie

[Barque]

I have asked the question before ESPECIALLY when they end statements like:

My Dad just died lol

or

My dog got hit by a car lol

or

I am getting evicted lol

See, like that. Makes no sense to me at all. :ambivalence:

[joy]

I guess I haven't seen the lol after dead dogs or people. yes that would be even stranger for sure. For me it is just a habit. there are far worse habits to have, LOL.

I suspect my life may change some more and for the better. I do have my doctors permission to drive. I did just that today and all by myself. It was far easier by myself than with hubby sitting in passenger seat yapping about each and every thing. Like I said last time about this, hubby is not a good passenger. But would not believe I sit and cringe lots of times when he is driving. I just usually keep my mouth shut tho :o Free from the house, I too will still be found here as long as I can see and make these two stiff fingers type and sit upright for awhile. It is a good place to be afterall amoung everyone here.

[Barque]

We women sure do seem to have a lot of unneccessary c rap chained to us don't we? No wonder we get ourselves in such panic/manic/depressed/horrifiied states, poor us. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have put Me first a lot more often than I did. Maybe i wouldn't have so many physical and mental problems today. I look back on everything and I can see now how I was never out for myself. Just always doing what someone else wanted and putting my feelings in a hole and burying them. What a fool!! NOW I'm dealing with the consequences. I was so STUPID!!

[Buttons2]

Barque,I've been calling myself every negative name for the past week. FOOL is the biggest one. came to the conclusion my entire life was programmed for failure from the get go. first I let my father rule my life & that sit the stage for my endless search to whatever it was I was looking for. I never found it of course.

please don't consider yourself stupid. maybe you were gullible & manipulated but that's not stupid. cause I prefer NOT to call myself stupid. I expected honesty & got the opposite. that wasn't my fault.

too bad it took me so many years to discover the truth of my entire life,however better late than never eh?

Chris, (I keep getting interrupted) think this is your thread about not being able to handle the good times that finally arrived?? this is something your psych doc can help you with. I have no wisdom to share about manic mode. my son is STILL manic after many months now. I await the crash of course.

(((hugs to all))) Pati

[Barque]

Not really Buttons, I have to live with the wreckage.

And get this, last night I got into a Scrabble game with a guy screen-name of "FunnyTom". And what do you think he did? Put LOL after everything he said!! Drove me insane!! I couldn't wait to get out of the 3rd game, I just left. I couldn't take it anymore. He was a nice enough guy I guess but the LOLs were driving me up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other wall. :ambivalence:

[joy]

decided I must have had way to much to sat so deleted my (reply) in this post. I hope anyone that needs help dealing gets it . wish everyone well. take care.

[Barque]

See, to me, it's like someone laughing after everything they say. I actually knew a few people in my life that did that annd after enduring it for a while I pointed it out and asked why they did that and told them it was very annoying. One person stopped doing it the other didn't so I had to just get away from them. Seems like a teenager kind of thing to do to me.

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... does it on "Ridiculousness", the CRAZY and INSANE t.v. show. When she gets going I have to change the channel. I hate it when she laughs at someone's pain. That show is like "Jack@ss", to me more shocking than funny.

[Buttons2]

Barque,laughter can hurt. years ago I had a cherished moment with my parents. cherished because it was the ONLY occasion I ever had where I felt close to them. fast forward nearly 20 yrs & I overheard them laughing about the incident with my sister! I have not been to visit them for 3 1/2 yrs & don't plan to ever see them again. I was wrong to think they cared for me. and went all my life thinking I was a part of the family when in fact they are "family" only with my much younger siblings. rude wakeup for me but it did force me to face facts.

Chris,I hope your worries about NOT being worried are improving! you deserve to have some burdens lifted ya know!

[Beader]

Yesterday I wrote a loong and thoughful response and then cyber-weasels ripped off my post! It's deflating. I'll come back when I have more energy & try to reconstruct it in 2 or more parts so I don't take so long & then it's GONE. Ay yi yi.