It's Happy...NPR

[Mal L]

CSF could be important

CSF could be important - and wishing you happy experiences - to hummer

[Jo6]

Hummer, I am glad you were able to get to the DR. when you needed to go..... I hope iy will help you feel better, but don't over do it....... I love reading your post, but don't push if you aren't up to it....

Your brain sure does a beautiful job with your fingers when you tell us what is in your heart! ...... When I see you haven't posted......I'm afraid you are ill..... Then I remember that I don't feel like posting everyday myself and try to be patient......

This is not one of my best days,.... but I wanted to tell you I missed you while you were gone...... I will go rest before dinner..... not hard to do because Ken cooks for us...... When I started falling so much...... and I can't reach up in the cabinets.... he decided to cook for us, just the 2 of us now......He will be having Cateract surgery in the morning ...... so he will have to suffer with the few things I can handle. lol

I will drive him, but I think he is nervous about that......I haven't driven much since my hospital stay,.... but that is because he all of a sudden....... thinks he needs to go every where I go...... lol He is handy to get my walker out of the car, ..but I can do that. I tell him I have had to give up too much already....... and I am not willing to give anything up that I can do myself!!

Hello to everybody and wish each of you a good evening.

all my love, Julia aka Jo s

[hummer]

Dear Mal L....
Thank you for the happiness wishes...the leak has been on off and on thing for years and years...I usually am more aware of the side effects and mentally try to adjust...but this time...I have been under so much stress...that...I think I forgot...and just kind of gave up for a while...I can feel the difference in taking the 'brain food' he gave me...

Thank you for again...coming to visit me...Many Blessings shower over you and yours....

Dear Jo6.....
Thank you, too....I have put your husband on a prayer list...there will be many people praying for him and his caregivers...that includes you....

I had a hard time crawling out from under the goosedown this morning...I think I am going to go crawl under them again for a while....

Thank you everyone...for caring about each other...it is the best action in life...love and compassion for others...more often than not...for me...it is a wonderful pain killer...too...

Blessings on us all.....

[hummer]

Okay....I know this is my happy thread...

But....

I went outside...my beautiful gardens...so rich in blossoms....so glorious in life....are dead...frozen...brittle and dark...the glory of colored blossoms...dimmed...the light of life gone....

I know....I know...it isn't death...it is regeneration...a time of rest....As a practicing Buddhist....all teachings are about impermanence...but..I have to say...I wasn't prepared...that is the way it is..though...we are unprepared....for the change that comes in a blink....

I know it will come back...and I can plant the flowers that bloom in the cold...and they will make me happy too...it is just sad to see...my plants so vigerous...so lovingly cared for...so appreciated...brought to end...from one moment to the next....that is what happened to me...so vibrant a life...and in a moment....stilled...to take another route...I have to remember...things don't stay the same...it doesn't mean it is bad...it is just different....it is just a sad shock.....

I will have to adjust...it is hard to look at...there are so many...thousands of dead blossoms....felled but still clinging....oh wow....I know they are only plants...and there are so many humans and animals...more in keeping with grief...but it hurts to see....how rude is my sorrow...I guess it is the absence of the Beauty...that graced my heart...when ever I would raise my eyes to see...

Thanks for listening to me whimper...

[alex44]

Dearest Hummer - Sorry to hear about you garden. I live in Arizona where I still can't get much of anything to grow (except weeds), which can be pretty onto themselves. I hope this finds you better - I am sure your plants will come back - I love your philosaphy - life is a circle - neverending. My prayers are with you.
Alex44

[hummer]

Dear Alex44...

I had been paying attention...via an internet site...about the weather....usually when I am aware there is frost...I will go out and pick all the blossoms...and make giant bouquets...or lots of little ones...or dry some of them....but...I guess it was the brain drain...not aware in the right way.....I forget I live against cliffs...and in the Winter direction...of the turning planet...I get much less Sun....so temperatures are colder for me...than predicted....

I have lived...in places...where it was a giant ridge of rock..****nning for 100's of miles...shoved to the surface...at some point in the Planet Earth's...adjusting.....You couldn't go down 2 inches of soil...before you hit solid rock...there were bits of soil...in crevices...but for the most part...you couldn't dig anything without heavy equipment....and in all my movings...I got tired of leaving gardens behind...so...I do container gardens....I rarely plant anything in the ground....

I buy dirt...It drives people crazy...they can't believe I buy dirt...but...they can't believe how my garden grows either....When ever I have a birthday...or a holiday of gift giving....I tell people I want a bag of my favored dirt....My husband and my sister that passed away...are the only ones who ever give it to me....I can't figure it out...it is a really inexpensive gift...and something I REALLY want...but it is too weird for them I guess....and they will go spend a lot of money on something...I have no use for...

The soil I use is made for the area....I have investigated for you....there is a product...made for where you live...it is called SuperSoil....I think it is a making of the company Miracle Grow...specifically for your climate and conditions....I use a similar product...made specifically for my climate and conditions....everything grows...no matter what I put in it...it grows...I reuse the soil...but add a little fresh every new planting...and when I see them being..not so happy...to bloom...I will add feed when I water....

I use anything that is rusty...or will rust...for planters....people bring me things they find in the woods....someone else's left behinds are my planters...another thing.......I have had used...for elderly people...they grew their vegetables...in bales of straw....still in the wire...but cutting a large hole out....and adding soil....for the plants....it is elevated for them...and the straw helps keep moisture....and is also...something of compost after awhile...

If I do put something in the ground....I will have someone dig the hole much bigger..and add the specialty soil...into the hole and plant it in that....that way it has a good beginning....also...did you know when you plant trees...you should dig a square hole...especially in hard soils....if it is round...the roots have a tendancy to circle...because that is where it is easy...as soil is loose....from planting...but they can just keep circling around...and not extend...a square hole gives them something to come up against...and crevice their roots...into extending past the hole...easier...

I have left behind so many trees..that root from seeds in my pots....because the soil is so good...everything grows....I must pull out...thousands of little trees...growing in my flower pots....in one extra large container...I let some grow tall...about 10 trees....I liked it....it was a miniature forest....I could grow more delicate flowers under their shade...but they weren't so...big and branched...that it allowed no Sun...just enough to be protective....My landlord...lusted after those trees...he kept asking me for them....I kept saying no...I liked looking out my window at them...they were about 8 feet tall....I told him this year...he could have them...if he bought me the 9 bags of dirt...it would take to refill the container...and he had to get them before they leafed out...because if the leaves appeared...it would be too hard to let them go...and then...also not the time to plant them....

He came and got them....with his wife...they had equipment to dig the holes where they live....ground is horrible...I told him (what I wrote) about adding lots of the soil I use....gave him some other container trees too....He keeps telling me...marveling...that every single tree lived...and we had to get kind of butal with a few...as their roots had intertwined...but....he listened to what I said...where to cut and how to handle them...

But...I still pull up little trees...constantly....it is hard on me....but sometimes there will be..twice as many little trees...in my containers...as there are flowers....and they just keep coming....My brother wants me to grow trees.....I tell him...I do..!..I have about 13 in my containers right now that are left to grow....some quite tall...some having rooted out the bottom and are over 30 feet tall....

Sometimes I have plants...that grow...from something that seeded and came in the soil....or the wind blew in....this year...9 little rose bushes have come up from seed...they are little...thin...hair like stalks...but the leaves let me know what they are...and I have been babying them along...they are getting quite a growth now...pushing up past the flowers that were protecting them before....

I did leave my home yesterday...funding hampered my wish list...but I came back with some plants to set....something to replace what has gone...

I apologize....to those who have had...real loss....of those they loved....for my weeping...over something that will come again...I send special prayers...to all...for comfort...and hearts peace....and for signs...to come...that your heart can see....so you will have the...Grace...of 'Knowing'....

Blessings on us all.....

[hummer]

I responded to all of you...at the end of page one...if you come back to visit me...I thanked you there....

It is funny...the leaves off the trees...some of them...the wind talks in a different way...It roars down the canyon....now...The dense...dense thicket of trees...lining the canyon wash...have for the most part...lost their leaves......There is no longer a cushion...catching the voice of the Wind.....

(Is that just dawning on me...or have I known...and forgotten..?).....

This voice....is a different pitch...and tone...louder...stronger...the branches....coming against each other....add their clatter...The full body of the Wind...in it's voice..now...A storm is coming...it has a rushing sound...like the Oceans waves...they come in sets of seven...I am listening to the rhythm of the Wind...I think it may come...in bursting sets...too....Stillness and then building......pushes of sound....saying a loud hush...isn't that funny...but it is how it comes...dancing...dancing down the mountain's canyon...It is mesmerizing......A lullaby....

I see in the dusk...the tattered ends of my prayer flags...they are doing....a curtsy and flutter....in partner with the Wind...I am almost in a trance...ebb and flow...soft...and then more...adding a new note...the dried leaves...clicking against each other...a soft scraping scatter....they fly...bouncing down the lane...layers of instruments.....played in Nature's hand...I can hear the beauty...now...more than see it....but I still have bits of green...it's glow...made...ever more grand......

The storm is approaching...louder...........it comes...the Wind having it's way....

I shall stop my words...and listen...and think of all of you...and I will watch...as my Prayer Flag's Blessings.....ride on this Wind...to where ever You are....

Blessings on us all......

[Mark N]

Hummer, I posted a couple of days ago and I see it just flew away into the ether as I don't find it here. It is good to read your post and get an idea of your area. I have a small garden in our side yard that I use dead plants, shredded paper, and any other thing I find to make the soil better. I am lucky that even though much of our soil is clay we do have a layer of soil from the eons of the Ohio River flooding so I just need to upgrade it to have it producing big healthy plants. I transfer those plants to our front flower garden as that soil isn't as good and it isn't easy to improve it although I do need to focus on that soil this fall and spring.

Jo, it is good to see you posting here again as I missed you after the last shutdown. I hope you come around now and then to visit.

Sorry I can't catch up with everyone but I will try to keep up from this point on. I just can't sit here too long to post everything I would like to say.

[Jo6]

Thank you Hummer for natures lullbuy. I don't know how much you write, but you should be writing books. Books to relax by, that would be a good one. You are a special lady and I'm glad you came my way.

Mark, you do have a post on page 2, at least it is on my computer. I have lost post and never found them. I discovered the auto-save beside the box you write in. I didn't know it was there and found it accidently one way. Saved me a bunch of words I didn't feel like typing again.

I will stop by the special room soon and see how all are doing. I miss those special people. Always you have news to share. I miss that too.

bunches of hugs to all that have posted here. We are all in pain and I pray today it is a little lighter.

Julia aka Jo s

[alex44]

Hummer - thank you for the wondwerful advice and words. As always, Beutiful in a way i cannot say.

The Wind - is a tempast, a mover, a shaker, and also a way to talk to you, If you will listen, which I would bet you do Too many do not or have not been taught how, if it does not come natural, as it does for some. I love a good wind storm - Mother earth talks to us - this is but one way. Again, thank you and please, be blessed in all things you do and keep us all in thrall.
I also send you good health thru prayer.
Blessings
Alex44

[hummer]

Dear Mark N...

I know what you mean...about not able...to sit...as long as you would like...sometimes it takes me so long to write...and then I can barely move when I try to get up...everything has to be....perfectly....just so..!

I always think it is funny...that we grow fruits...vegetables...flowers...and that really....with compost...we can grow dirt...soil...too.....I will let leaves pile up in certain places...the moisture they get after a while...they have morfed into something else...

Dear Jo6.....

I don't know where the auto save box it...but...periodically as I write...a yellow box with auto saved flashing....appears on my screen..so...I am assuming it is functioning it's little heart out...but...where that place would be...to find...is the...?...

I read over...what I write....and sometimes....it is so lacking to the actual experience...I feel bad...for who ever is reading...for not BE-ing in the experience....the sensations...are so tactile...that just to read seems so lacking...to what I would invite you to share....

Books to relax to..?..books to fall alseep...to..!....I remember when I was in hospital so long...a change of room partners...came and went....One person...some nurses were nice to...and some nurses were mean to....I kept my curtain closed...I couldn't take the images at the time...they kept trying to put me in a private room...but we couldn't pay...so I kept the curtain drawn...but it didn't stop me from hearing...the woman was in a lot of stress....and I would start telling her stories...of things I could remember...and it got to where in the night...when she was in a bad way...wanting more pain pills and they wouldn't give them...I would hear her voice....asking...please tell me a story...and she would lock on to my voice...and I could tell it was better....as she would stop writhing on the bed...and become still....and then I would hear her breathing...change...and know she was asleep....

There was another man...when I was in ICU....he was older...and the day nurse was so kind to him...again...never seen...just heard...he would do okay...during the day...the nurse was so patient...but the night nurse was very harsh...and WAY impatient...and the man was a lot out of his mind...and he just wanted away from her....so he would rip the needles and tubes out of his arm and try to get away...so the nurse started tying him to his bed...restrained....It was horrible...her voice explaining why...

I knew about restrained...as I was in a special rotating bed...boards outlining the body clamped and locked in place...my head fixed in a padded vice....4 minutes to each full rotation....so the pressure wouldn't stay the same on my spine.....I just kept thinking...about how the day nurse...with her patience and loving voice....never had the same problem with him....and she was distressed by the nurse that took her place...they discussed the patient...and I could hear...and he reminded me...of my father's history....

So....one night...I could hear him straining after they tied him to the bed...so I just started singing to him...the old cowboy songs my father used to sing...I could only remember a few verses...but I sang them softly...over and over again...and the man...quit fighting and became calm....I could hear the nurse...with the 'mean' voice...whispering to the other nurses...about how I was calming him down...and should she pull the curtain open between us...but she was worried because he was naked...!....Naked and restrained...and out of his reality...and being tended by someone he wanted to get a way from....Isn't that a horrid torture...!!!!.......I learned....there are nurses....and then there are NURSES....ones with compassion and ones without....What a huge difference compassion makes...and gives...to any situation....tremendous change comes about....through the grace of compassion....

Okay...more rambling...along....my mind flits and my fingers follow....

Dear Alex44....

Thank you...too....and thank you for the prayers....I do like the voice of the wind...sometimes I don't care to be in it...when it is blowing dirt...but...I always think...about people who complain of the wind....they have never sailed....

It made me think of a poem...that always helped me...when experiences were too much...either from others...or from my own body....

I do not know who wrote them....but...they have spoken my feelings so many times.......


"I looked to find my heart was breaking...
.....I could not stop the pain....
....Not then,
.........or now.
In the place where trust had been,
.....Betrayal stood....alone....the victor.
..........My tears would have filled an ocean....
...............Had I had the strength to cry.

Privacy appears on my doorstep
............with the night,
.....And with the night comes my loneliness
...................and my fear.

The Earth Mother's love has made me stronger,
...........so tonight I will let the hills hold me....
...............and my company will be the wind."


I love those words...."I will let the hills hold me....and my company will be the wind.".......It is a truth in my life...lived many times.......

I am going away for a few days...so I will not be writing...but...I am sure I will have stories to tell when I return...

Thank you....for reading my words....and...Thank you...Thank you.....for returning some to me...in exchange.........I have some....thing....within me....that hangs on the hope for them...so again...thank you...for becoming real to me...by your sharing of....your...words.....They reach out and touch me....

Blessings on us All............

[ray]

Hi, HUM

I was laying here on my spot, and started thinking of you, hopping you are feeling as well as possible. I enjoyed you bee experience, as I feed them each spring with sugar water to help them get a hive started in each new year. Be den reading about bee sting therapy for neuropathic pain treatment, and believe if things go well enough I'll put in several hives next spring, and learn about the bee stinging treatments trying them personally. If they don't help the pain, they will certainly help the soul as I love having them around. We went several years without any as I could see. The bumble bee and sweat bees had to take up the slack, and did, but nothing can replace the honeybee.
I haven't been able to sit more than a few minutes since my initial surgery that brought about my life experience with chronic pain. But I now have a computer that works while I'm laying down, WOW, SWEET. I had a dream I broke it into pieces last night, hope it stays a dream???? Hummer be in peace, dear friend!!!! Ray

[alex44]

Blessed Be

Hi Hummer - I hope you have an enjoyable experiance - I hope you will share. Thank you for the kind words - i treasure your words - thank you for the advise on the gardining - i love flowers, I will keep you posted on my efforts, Maybe I too can attract some Bee's, I think that bee's are cool. good luck, have a good time and have fun with the bee's.
Blessed be
Love and Light
Alex44

[Jo6]

Hi Ray

guy, it's been ages. how are you doing? I missed seeing you and thought you had gone forever. I'm glad you didn't I always enjoyed your post. You probably don't remember me, but it was here in Chronic Pain F. that I met you. I'm happy to see you back. ((((Ray))))

Dear Hummer, I miss you. I looked and saw nobody had posted since the 9th? Where ever you are I hope it is a place where you find peace and enjoy being there.

I haven't been here all week. Mr. Jo had surgery on the other eye yesterday. Still nursing the first one! He is becomming a real bear!! He is good to take care of me so I try to return the favor. He is a control freak and this is not something he does gracefully. I will survive and he will also, then he can go down back where he built his electronic shop and be happy there. I will be happy all by myself for awhile. lol ((Really, he is a good person))

Hope to see everybody soon. my love to all, Jo aka Julia s

[Mark N]

Jo, men have a tendency to becoming a bear when they don't feel well so Mr Jo is acting normal.

Ray, good to see you back again. The bee experiment sounds intriguing be sure to let us know if you do it and what results you get.

Alex, good luck with the bees.

Hummer, Yes it is amazing to me we can grow soil. I enjoy trying different things to make the soil better especially with things that would normally get tossed away. I haven't been able to do much with it this year other than enjoy the plants and flowers growing so large in the side soil I worked on last year.