July chitchat

[Virginia]

That is the point he has reached Agate. His quality of life is not good at this time. He has a wife he tries to satisfy, 3 children he helps a lot even though they are grown, a precious one year old Grandson that he wants to spend time with, one sister and two brothers who love him dearly. That's not to mention his nieces and nephews. He may not get back to 100%, but if he gets to 70 or 80% that will be something.

I have been reading some, part of what I read makes me feel better and some of it scares me.

[agate]

Reading between the lines a bit here, I wonder if he's the type that many family members rely on to "be there" for them. Some of them might have to adjust their thinking a little and try to "be there" for him now. I hope that will happen.

[agate]

Tom Cat had an accident with a golf cart nearly 3 weeks ago and broke his arm, injured some ribs too. I was wondering why I hadn't heard from him but figured it was because there had been no replies to the last message. Finally I sent him a message, and you can see his reply in the Tom Cat thread.

For anyone new here: Tom Cat is the BT name for the husband of Cat Dancer, who was a pillar of this place for many years. She passed away a few years ago but her husband, who took care of her for decades, has been kind enough to stay in touch with us here. In the past caregivers have been among the accepted members of this board, and he certainly qualifies as a caregiver.

As a couple they lived for many years in the woods, where Cat Dancer pursued hobbies like weaving, writing stories, cooking, and making dollhouses. And she conscientiously applied herself to this board back in the days when that couldn't have been an easy task at all.

We are fortunate to have Tom Cat with us, and he will be here as a registered member as soon as he can learn more about how to navigate online message boards. COVID has seriously impaired his ability to interact with people, of course.

[Ikoiko]

If Ann is reading, I hope she is doing well. I imagine she is busy with the mothers. I have been out of town for several months helping my own mother with medical things. It has been very hard, because usually my boyfriend is the one to help me with everything. Plus, I have been feeling extra exhausted and sickly.

I have now got my mom set up on oxygen and she is on the waiting list for Home Instead. They are short staffed like everyone else. Where are all the workers?

My boyfriend is coming out soon and helping me pack up and clean out my things here from my younger years, then I will go back with him and cross my fingers.

I really need to see some doctors when I get home, because I feel very rough.

My brothers have not been as helpful as I would like. One lives fairly nearby. I don't think they really believe that I am sick.

[agate]

It must be quite difficult to try to take care of an aging parent while having MS. I wish I could have helped my mother in her last years, and in fact I was probably the person she'd been counting on, but MS came along. In her 70s she packed up and moved from the south to California so she could be closer to her two sons there (my half-brothers) as rheumatoid arthritis was making life difficult for her. She spent her last 5 years on the west coast near them, and I hope they were being helpful. She said they were. It's really too bad your brothers aren't stepping up to the plate.

Yes, we don't seem sick. We're not amputees or visibly defective in any dramatic way, usually. People seem to find it hard to accept another person's incapacity or limitations. Maybe it's because it's just more convenient for them to think of us as perfectly OK. Lets them off the hook?

[agate]

Sunshine 2 and others, there is a new member posting in the New Member Introductions forum, wanting information on the baclofen pump. Maybe someone here will help out with a reply?

[Virginia]

Ikoiko, I am so sorry your Mother is sick. I hope when you leave your brother will step up to the plate. Even with Home Instead I am sure there will be things for them to take care of.

You do need to be careful about your own health and I hope when you get back home you will make the necessary appointments to do so.

I remember when I was taking care of my parents. Thankfully MS had not reared it's ugly head at that time. My Mom died when she was 66, which I consider young. My brothers didn't do much of anything. I guess they knew I would take care of things even if I was working. I had a great husband who helped. But I know it is hard and harder still when you are sick.


I got the rest of the story today from my youngest brother, re what is going on with him. In addition to what I had stated about his back, he has a mass in that area. They think at this point it is benign, but they want another MRI with a different machine. He doesn't want to get something started and find out he has to have more surgery in that area or have an infection set in and have to go back to have that removed at the same time as another surgery is scheduled, or possibly chemo. Very upsetting. I don't know how much he has told hiss kids,but he hasn't told them about the mass. I think he plans to tell his two sons about the back surgery and that it will be a long recovery period. I think his daughter who lives close to them knows it is his back and doesn't know the rest.

[Virginia]

Ikoiko, another thing about Ann, I had wondered if one of the Mothers had passed away. If. So, I think there would be much to do since Peter is an only child and Ann has one brother who I am not sure how much he steps up. If that did happen to either Ann or Peter, I guess it would mean they would have to clean out the houses. Quite a chore. They were both 96. I hope they are doing well, but that is getting up there.

[Ikoiko]

Yes, cleaning out a house is quite a chore. I have been trying to down size my stuff ever since moving in with my boyfriend. It is a physically and emotionally taxing journey.

[Ikoiko]

Interesting that your husband helped more than your brothers. My boyfriend has helped a whole lot. One brother recognizes the work he has put in, but the other doesn't seem to.

[Howie]

"Cleaning". What does this strange word mean? It doesn't sound fun!

[agate]

I was married for 13 years. My husband and all of the men in his family as well as in mine were content to leave the cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands, and most child care to the women on the scene. These attitudes are undergoing a change nowadays, I think, but how many centuries has it taken?

[Virginia]

Ikoiko, my brothers that live in this area are younger than I am. My husband was thought of as being as much a part of the family as anyone. My Dad and Mom would ask him for help before they would my two brothers, but I really think it had to do with my brothers being younger and not as mature as my husband. Still, it was not easy at that time.

I will say this, when my husband got sick they did step up and do what they could. They spent some nights at the hospital in order for me to get a little rest and do some things that had to be done. They were truly hurt over his illness and grieved when he died. After that they checked on me for awhile and then they just kind of stopped other than occasional phone call and Holidays. It was only after they got older and more mature that they began to help me some. Also, by that time I had been diagnosed with MS.

I am glad you have someone in your life who helps you. That is a good thing.


Okay Howie, its time for you to get up and start cleaning. You use to have smart spells where you would clean the kitchen and bath and change the sheets and things like that. I don't recall hearing you talk about doing any of that lately. What's going on with you?

[agate]

Have we ever heard about Howie doing laundry though? I don't recall. He makes regular trips here and there but I don't remember a trip to a laundromat. Howie, do you have a washer and dryer there at your place?

Maybe he's just sparing us by not mentioning that he goes to the river every other day with his washboard and scrubs his laundry with a rock.

(Howie, I hope you realize that I'm just joking and trying to get even with you for the times when you posted "Burn the witch!" and things like that in connection with me.)

[Howie]

Sam, did you hear that? Go get the woodpile ready, we are going to burn us a witch!!!

I have a washer and dryer, but the washer quit working. So, I wash things like underwear and shirts and sheets in the bathtub and dry them in the dryer. Having lots of shirts and undershorts, I don't have to wash clothes very often. If anyone is offended by my poor clothing, and my drunken looking walk, that's their problem.

The main thing is I am happy with my life, and take pride in doing small things like clean, or go to the store, despite having this disease for 20 some years.