July chitchat

[Ikoiko]

Edited to say we drove back from the wedding yesterday.

[agate]

That's really rotten luck, Ikoiko. I hope you'll feel better soon. I've heard that being vaccinated will help a person to have a milder case.

You fell too??? I hope no injuries?

Seems as if mingling in groups of people is pretty risky even now. My son's in-laws went on a trip lasting a week and promptly came down with COVID too. They were among people during the trip.

[Virginia]

Ikoiko, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that the paxlovid will take care of it quickly. Since you did not mention it, I guess your bf didn't come down with it. Hopefully, he will not. I am so sorry you fell. If it was hot where you went, this extreme heat along with the COVID would be enough to make you fall. I am glad someone was there to help you.

Agate, hope your son's in-laws are doing okay now.

Will we ever be able to let our guard down? And yet people play contact sports all the time and if they get COVID we seldom hear about it. At least I don't. Still, when I am out I try not to get close to other people. I am always conscious that there is a risk.

[flatcap]

I was going to keep my mouth shut today, but I have lately been boiling with anger, rage really, over memories of my evil step father beating the crap out of me from ages 11-15, and I just have to get this out.

That monster was only nine years my senior. That's right, he was 20 and I was only 11 when he punched me the first time.

He punched me in the kidney so hard, it felt like it burst. I curled up on the couch in the fetal position, sobbing quietly, just wanting to die. Then, he came back and said he loved me. What a bunch of BS.

My mother did nothing. Nothing. Then, it went on and on and on for years, and she still did nothing.

Much later, in 1989, she even claimed she never knew anything about it. Right. She didn't know about it when the five of us were living in a 600-square-foot house. Then, one day that same year, she was talking to one of her friends in her house, and right in front of me, my mother said she never should have had children.

Let that sink in.

I finally divorced myself from my so-called parents in 1990 and went into therapy. My counselor had me write letters to them with the expectation that I would someday confront them in person.

Not long after, I got letters back, which I was supposed to read out loud to her. I refused and gave them to her to read for herself. My counselor then said I didn't have to go and confront them after all. Their replies really were that bad.

If I still had those letters, I would post pictures of them so you could see for yourself, but I shredded them to bits about 10 years ago. Suffice to say, neither of them took any responsibility for any of it. Instead, they more or less blamed others, and even me for all of it.

And yes, there was a whole lot more. Who in hell smokes pot with their 12-year-old kid? Who??? How ****ed up is that?

You know what else? My brothers cut me off after the divorce. My younger brother never liked me anyway, but my youngest brother and I were always very close. So much for that. I don't think I would ever want either of them in my life again. They both took the wrong side, as far as I am concerned.

And, it probably wouldn't surprise you to know that I was never taught forgiveness and, to this day, I still have no idea what it even means. Cross me once, or even if I just think you did, and that's it. So much for that.

Anyway, my mother died about two years ago, and **** tracked me down on the internet to notify me by mail me that she had passed. I felt, and still feel, nothing about it. But the idiot also gave me his email address and phone number, as if I would ever talk to him again. Fat chance.


Then, just a few days ago, and I don't know why, it all came flooding back. I dug ****'s letter out of my files, got a new throwaway email address and wrote him this:

I am writing to tell you that, ever since you notified me that **** died, I have hoped beyond measure that you suffer mightily and will forevermore.

I don't think you have the slightest idea what you did to me. If I were able to, I would come down there and kill you, but not before I made you suffer more than I did under the hellish tyranny you brought to my home.

You are the most pathetic excuse for a human being that ever lived, and I hope you die the most excruciating death possible.

So, **** you, ****, *******, or whatever name you hide behind. What you did to me is unforgivable. You are so far beyond redemption, there is no place for you in Hell that could ever begin to make up for it.

I dearly hope I outlive you. If I were able to, I would find a way to come down there just to piss on your grave. It would be worth it no matter what it might cost me.

So, **** you, and **** you again. You are worth nothing more and far beyond less.

But in the drugged-out haze you no doubt live in, you really don't know or care, do you?

No matter.

Live with it and die.


Then, a few days later, I wrote him this from another new throwaway account:

Here's another short story that reveals your base cruelty, one that you cannot deny.

Remember McDuff? I overlooked mentioning the horrid physical abuse you inflicted upon him as well.

In particular, I recall one snowy day when you chained him to that absurd excuse for a dog house you threw together when you were playing lumberjack. You left him out there, unsheltered, in the cold, wet snow, and he was barking non-stop, begging you to let him come inside the house. I watched you through the window go out there and savagely beat that poor, sweet dog, raising your fist above your head with every punch.

I will never forget that.

I wonder how many of his ribs you fractured. I wonder if you thought you could get away with it because the bruises didn't show through his coat. I wonder how you live with it. I wonder why you don't go now and kill yourself.

Does what you did to McDuff eat at your conscience? I doubt it. You were no doubt so high every time you did something like that to him that you have no recollection of any of it. But I bet, or at least hope, this brings it all to memory and you suffer horribly as a result.

That one example alone proves what a despicable animal you are. I pray you pay for it. I pray you die in unrelenting agony. I pray you burn in Hell. No one on Earth deserves it more than you.

No one.

So, go ahead now and say whatever you want. You can't change your past any more than McDuff can change his. He is dead, and you might as well be, too. The only difference is, unlike him, no one will ever miss you.

I can't tell you how much I wish you are tortured by nightmares of what you did. I can't tell you how much I wish they destroy you once and for all. No one, not God, nor myself will ever forgive you. That, you do not deserve, nor will you ever.

Oh, I forgot something else. This is another throwaway email address. Reply, and you might as well be talking to yourself. You shouldn't have the impression that I am giving you the opportunity to defend yourself. I am not. I wouldn't give your pathetic excuses for what you did any attention whatsoever. You are not worth that, either. No, you are worth nothing.

Live with it and die.


It gets even "better," if you can call it that. I took his email address and signed him up to subscribe to mailing lists at everything from various religious sites to at least two of them having to do with narcissism. I hope his inbox gets flooded to the extent that his email account is rendered unusable. His is a Gmail account having his first, middle, and last names all jumbled together, so I have a feeling it is (or was by now, I hope) important to him. Childish, I know, but I did it anyway.

God, I hate that man.

No, hate doesn't quite cover it. I loathe him.

Do I feel better now? No, I do not.

Do I care? No, I care even less.

I just live with it. For now.

That is all.

[agate]

This is heart-breaking. Kids have absolutely no power at all. You look at them seeming to be OK kids, just being kids, but you never know what horrors they're putting up with in the privacy of their homes. Adults who subject kids to brutality and molestation are the scum of the earth, and unfortunately they can get away with it all too often. "I don't want to get involved," "Not my business," etc., etc.

So sorry you had such a thoroughly rotten childhood. It's good that you've been able to move on though without letting it haunt you forever.

[Virginia]

I didn't have a perfect life when I was growing up, but I did have the most wonderful Mother. This reminded me of exactly how good I did have it. My father was never abusive, he and I just didn't get along when I was in my teens. Obviously, I did have it good. There wasn't much money, but I was able to go out and work. I didn't like asking my father for anything. I realize now that most of us have had it better than we thought at the time.

I am sorry that anyone, and certainly a child, had to endure such a life. I am surprised that some agency didn't step in and try to take the kids, but then probably no one outside the home really knew about all this. Children are powerless and should be loved and cherished. I am sorry this goes on in any home. I have read of such things, but this is the first time I have had a first-hand account of what it can really be like.

Be glad you are out of it now and free to live your own life. You obviously are stronger than you realize to break free and not let it dominate you forever.

[Virginia]

Yesterday I went to my PCP. He did some test which I have looked up on "my chart". My thyroid is, once again, very low. I will have to up my medication and the thyroid medication doesn't agree with me. It makes my tremor worse, so I dread doing it. There were other things that were not in balance, but I am not sure how important they are. I do not see this Doctor until 6 more months. I wrote him on the patient portal this morning and asked if he had any suggestions as to how I should up the medication. I told him that it has had to be done slowly in the past. He is a very young doctor, and I am pretty sure this is his first job. So, he is not experienced and probably doesn't know much more than I do how to adjust the medication. Duke hires doctors from everywhere. Wherever they can find them and then they put them in these Primary Care clinics, where they get experience while learning. UNC does the same thing. They stay for a while. Then they move on.

Color me discouraged today.

The temperature here yesterday was in the high 90s. The feel like temperature was about 107 degrees. I drove myself. When Eric called before my appointment, he wanted to come and take me so his car would be cool, but I didn't want him to do that. I didn't know how long I would have to wait and if he went in with me his car would get hot and if he stayed in his car he would have to keep the motor running and the air conditioner running. So, I said no. My car sits out in the sun because I do not have a garage. It was unbelievably hot. I let the door stay open for a while before getting in, but then I was standing out in the heat.

I have been eating out of my freezer and pantry for the past couple of weeks in anticipation of getting my new refrigerator tomorrow. I was trying to get this one as empty as possible. I needed to get at least some bread and a couple of things that didn't have to go in the freezer, so I stopped at the grocery store. There were no handicap parking spots available. There was a parking place, which was the first one next to the grocery store which said "Veterans Only". Anyone on here that knows my history knows that no one has more respect for our Veterans than I do. When I came out a man, in a truck, had parked in front of my car and he started yelling "are you a Veteran?" At first, I ignored him, but he kept yelling that the parking space was for Veterans Only. I had my handicap sticker showing. Finally, I yelled back and said I have mobility problems, but just so you know, my husband served for 22 years on active duty and 5 in the active reserves. I said, I think this qualifies me to park here. I wanted to add that he also served in Viet Nam in agent orange and died at the age of 51 from cancer. However, I didn't add that. I had not paid any attention, but a black pickup truck was next to me where there was not even a parking space. I don't know if they were together and thinking to hem someone in, but when I started my car and was going to back out I had to keep turning my wheels in order to get out of the space I was in. I was parked straight, so I was not over any lines, but that pickup certainly was.

I thought about it after I got home and realized that people are so crazy now that I could have been in trouble. It was so hot and all they could think was to harass someone who clearly could not walk well.

All in all, it was not the greatest day, and add to that my strength was sapped from the heat when I did get home. I am better today.

[agate]

Oh my, Virginia. People get so riled up about parking spaces--you have to wonder about their priorities.

I've heard of groups of disabled people who have banded together to fight for their parking spaces by making sure nobody unauthorized uses them, and I can understand that because unauthorized people DO seem to think it's perfectly OK to grab a handicapped space when there is no other space available nearby. Maybe the man who harassed you is part of a veterans' group with a similar purpose--policing the veterans' spaces. (I didn't even know that there are special veterans' spaces in parking situations. I'm really unobservant about parking.)

Seems to me he should have just passed up this opportunity to "rescue" a veteran's parking space. And does that mean all veterans or just disabled veterans? Why are disabled veterans not the same as other disabled people--entitled to a disabled parking space if they're eligible?

Did you have a disabled parking permit hanging on display in your front window? If you don't have one of those, you probably should get one. You could have waved it at him and that might have shut him up.

Or maybe it wouldn't have. It's too bad that had to happen, and in such brutal weather.

[flatcap]

Virginia,

I am sorry to hear about your experience with your PCP. I am lucky to have one who is experienced and very knowledgeable, but he isn't very accessible. He moved into management a few years ago and now sees patients only on Monday mornings. That leaves the usual schedule for visits once every six months, which I am beginning to feel is not enough.

I hope you are able to get your meds straightened out. Increasingly, it seems the onus is placed on all of us to sort things like that for ourselves. It certainly doesn't help if your doctor is inexperienced. I get the impression sometimes they all think, experienced or not, that we live on our cell phones or the internet and want to do their jobs for them. I would rather have a doctor who can at least guide me on such decisions, but I guess we have to become our own stewards of our healthcare. I don't mind having what they now call "agency" over the program, but the details can be confounding without having an MD behind your name. Not everyone went to med school.

The heat was soaring here today, too, but not as bad as it was yesterday where you are. Right now, the temperature is 'only' 92°. The report says it feels the same in this weather, but you couldn't tell by me. I just got home from the optometrist for my exam, and I swear you could fry an egg on the hood of my car.

I would have encouraged you to allow Eric help you get to and from your appointment, and I hope maybe you will next time. If I had someone I could depend on for things like that, I would certainly let them pitch in. Neither gasoline nor time is worth more than someone you care about. Let them spend it if you need help. I'm sure you have many times in your life, so it's your turn to be on the receiving end. Don't just let them ask you if you need help, then turn them down because you worry how it might impact them. Ask them when you do, and be glad when you can get it.

Consider, too, how good they might feel if you let them help you. Good people like to help others. Give them the satisfaction that can be derived from helping someone they care about. You would be doing them as much of a favor as they would be you, maybe even more so.

As for the parking lot commando(s), you are right. People can't seem to keep their noses out of others' business when they are offended by the slightest perceived transgression a person might make, even if it doesn't concern them. They should try helping instead of bullying, particularly when it's an older or infirm person they have set their sights on to run their tirade. There simply is no excuse for it. I am prone to it, I suppose, but it angers me when people pick on their elders — or anyone else, for that matter.

The only story I have like yours that comes to mind happened about seven years ago. I hardly ever do things like it anymore, but I went to the convenience store to get a six-pack of beer and came out to find a guy had boxed me in because he didn't like the way I had parked my car. I was well out of the way of anyone else, but he pulled up so close, I couldn't open my door to get in. He started yelling at me while he was still in his car, and I yelled back that I would smash his windshield with the nicely weighted bag I was carrying. I would have done it, too, so I guess he realized I wasn't kidding. He promptly backed off and backed out, and I got on my way. I suppose he wasn't as brave as he thought. Either that, or he thought I was crazy enough to do who-knows-what. Lucky for him, he didn't know it was a lot of both. I was literally out of my mind during that time period, and anything could have happened. I look back on it now and feel I was the lucky one, not him. If things had gone the other way, I would have either gone to jail or the hospital, possibly both. I would like to think I know better now, but I'm not so sure I do. Hopefully, I'll never have another experience like it to find out.

[Virginia]

Agate and flatcap I did have a handicap sticker hanging on my mirror. They are quite large. Plus you can tell I have a mobility problem by the way I walk. What got me was that he kept yelling. I don't know if the 2nd truck was part of it or if he was actually protecting me. After thinking about it I guess it could have been either way. When Eric and I talked today I didn't tell him because I knew it would just upset and worry him and it is over.

Well, no new appliances tomorrow. When they didn't call Eric today to give him a more definite time, he went to the store and found that they were not sure they could be delivered tomorrow. They finally set it up for a week from Monday. I will need to go to the grocery store Monday to get food for next week. I have an appointment and will go after that. Eric wanted me to make a list and let him go to keep me out of the heat, but since I have to go out anyway I will just do that at the same time.

Flatcap, the reason I hate to call on Eric any more than I do is twofold. First he already does so much for me and second he drives more than 40 miles round trip every time he comes. I worry so much about him constantly being on our very heavily traveled roads. The people around here drive so crazy. I am always concerned about him being in an accident

My PCP sent me an email this afternoon saying that I did have a UTI. He faxed a rx in and again I didn't mention it to Eric because he would have wanted to come right away to pick it up. They faxed it in to a different Walgreens that I do not use. It is closer to me than the one I do use, but they do not have a drive thru. I will call in the morning to see if they have a delivery service. Some Walgreens do and some do not.

The time bas slipped up on me tonight and I need to get a snack and go to bed. Everyone sleep well.

[Virginia]

I got my antibiotics this morning. Eric called while I was still in bed and said he was coming over this way for something else and I needed to make a list of what I needed. I told him all I needed was my medication from the pharmacy. So, then told him I received an email from my doctor saying I did have a UTI. He got right over here so I could get started on the medication. He and his oldest son who is out of town keep a P.O. Box over this way that they have had for years and he said he wanted to go to that. He started out early so he could get back to sit in front of his computer and watch his youngest son play golf hole by hole. It is far too stressful for me and I gave that up. When he is playing good I am cheering, and when he doesn't play well I get very stressed. They can just tell me about it later.

Glad appliances are not coming today.

[flatcap]

Yesterday was a banner day around here! For once, I actually ate two full meals: breakfast and lunch/dinner.

Kind of expensive for a single day out, so today I think it will be two halves of one giant, 16" sub sandwich. I'll probably wind up eating one half in the late afternoon, then having the other two or three hours later this night. That's why I call it lunch/dinner.

Today, I think it will be a club sandwich with roast turkey, ham, and a lot of veggies. It's a chain, but it isn't Subway. Everything is fresh, and the store I go to consistently gets five stars from the health department. I like it.

I also think I'll wear the same clothes I did yesterday. I only spent about sixteen hours in them, so they're still good to go. Plus, it saves on laundry. It's always good to save on laundry. That way, you can put it off as long as possible. Lol

[Virginia]

I like subs also flatcap. I usually order mine from Jersey Mikes and I have turkey with provolone. I use to enjoy going in to choose what I wanted, but I don't do that anymore. Enjoy yours today.

[flatcap]

I found an interesting bit of tomato sandwich trivia the other day. I saw William Shatner in "Nick of Time," Episode 7 of Season 2 of The Twilight Zone. His character and that of his wife order tomato and lettuce sandwiches for lunch. The setting was a small restaurant in contemporary times in the Midwest. The episode first aired on 11/18/1960.

[flatcap]

Did anyone catch the “Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena: Implications on National Security, Public Safety, and Government Transparency” hearing at the House Subcommittee on National Security, the Border, and Foreign Affairs?

If you missed it and are bored out of your mind, it is an epic tragic comedy.

• Epic because it ran about 2½ hours
• Tragic because it was a pitiful waste of government resources
• Comic because it was downright hilarious at times

Unless it was a ham-handed diversion from the fact-based issues of the day, it is hard to pin down a motive for having this hearing. It is even harder to believe that Congress could be brought down to the level of considering the merits of a thoroughly debunked case supported by nothing more than the testimony of conspiracy theorists.

Nevertheless, it makes for some interesting TV. But I should say I am easily entertained, even by charlatans and the suckers upon whom they ply their trade. I recommend watching if you appreciate dark humor want to see how your tax dollars were working in Congress on 7/26/2023.

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... must be spinning in his grave.

ETA 1: This is not "political." Representatives from both sides of the aisle were either faking it, or they were flamboozled and fell for it. Either way, it's pretty funny.

ETA 2: The action starts at 06:10 in the video. Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... I could not get the video tool to accept this link (url&t=370s). The embedded video starts at 00:00 whether or not the time filter is added. Click the link if you want to skip to the action in another tab.