May chitchat

[agate]

Retirement homes must be a flourishing industry about now, with so many baby boomers becoming retirees. My former husband was in one such place though it was an apartment building, and yes, they charged for every little thing and weren't always very competent about doing the tasks they were scheduled to do.

I've heard of cottages that are sometimes available in these places, and those might be nice because you might have your own bit of yard and you'd definitely have your own entrance and wouldn't have to deal with noisy neighbors.

[Prot]

Tim you are 100% correct in saying it is greed, but if an elderly person is alone without family what are they going to do?
.

Good point.

[agate]

They can do what people in this building often do--they hire people to help them as needed so they can stay in their own surroundings and have their own things, eat their own choice of food, do what they want to do when they want to do it--be in control of their own time.

It can get very spendy but this state (and many others) has a program that you can qualify for if you don't have much money. It can provide you with a helper.

The catch there is that there is usually a limit to the number of hours of help the state will pay for. If you need round-the-clock help, you're out of luck unless you can find someone.

[Virginia]

There are states that do not offer that and if they do it is often very hard to qualify. Too much money to get help and not enough to pay for it is often the problem. As I said many fall through the cracks.

There are places here that have cottages. Then as your condition dictates you move to an apartment, then to the nursing home part. One that I personally know of cost a buy in fee of $250,000 twenty-five years ago. I imagine it is $500,000 buy in now. I knew an elderly man and his wife who lived there for a short time. I don't know how much they paid per month after paying the buy in fee, but it was a lot. The wife died and the man didn't want to live there alone so he moved out giving up the $250,000. As I have said there are a lot of people with a lot of money.

A lady was in my Sunday School class back then who went to the nursing home part of that same retirement community and stayed with people. I don't know how much she was paid. I asked her why they needed her and she said "it's still a nursing home, no matter where it is".

[agate]

The woman was working for nursing home residents by staying with some of them? I've heard that each service that is provided in a nursing home or assisted living facility is billed separately, and maybe she as one of the employees who go there to provide a service, like staying with someone to make sure the person doesn't fall, or whatever other reason there might be?

[Virginia]

Agate, she was working directly for the people. They hired her. Maybe it was because it was a private nursing home. But they had sufficient funds to pay a place like that and then pay her to see that they got the care they either wanted or felt they needed. That was the reason I asked her I was curious as to why they needed her. Her reply was "it's still a nursing home". She stayed with two different people that I knew of. I remember asking her what she did for them, but I can't remember what she said.

I do very vividly remember her telling me about a lady she met while standing at the nurses counter. She said a lady who was fairly young in her early 40s came up in her wheelchair. My friend told me she was real pretty and she commented on it. The lady said " if I am so pretty why am I in here?" It turned out the lady had MS and her rich husband put her in there so he wouldn't have to deal with her disease and could get on with his life. All this was a long time ago and I am sure there were no MS drugs at that time. Still, this lady was able to go all over in her wheelchair, so there wasn't any reason her husband couldn't have kept her at home and it wouldn't have cost nearly as much. My friend said the nurses told her he put her in there, one of the supposedly nicer places, so he wouldn't feel guilty. I remember being appalled. I had no idea that I had MS.

[agate]

How many other people with MS were put in nursing homes in a similar way--by someone (spouse, parent, child) who had the resources to pay the steep price and just didn't want to deal with the MS?

Years ago I knew a man with severe MS who had married a woman, and then they divorced. The man was living with his ng parents at the time when I knew him. I visited him and his parents a couple of times. Then he remarried the ex0wife, and the next thing I knew, he was in a nursing home.

I'm not sure whose idea it was for him to end up there. His parents had a farm and had even built a special house for him, all set up for his convenience (he was confined to a wheelchair and didn't have much use of his limbs), but I don't think he lived in it for long, if he ever did, as his parents died and I don't know what happened after that except that he wound up in a nursing home.

His (adult) daughter or the wife might have put him there. I have a pretty good idea it wasn't what he would have chosen.

i can imagine that there are people who choose nursing homes for themselves because they want the secure feeling of knowing that help is always at hand. I don't recall ever meeting a person like that, though....

[Virginia]

Well, my brother and his wife came early this morning and met two men with a truck so they could clean out my attic before the new roofing takes place. It is very clean. They had originally planned to put down sheets to catch all the dirt and debris, but they didn't do that. My sister-in-law said they could just sweep it or bring my brother's shop-vac over. She said it would be just as easy as picking up the sheets. I haven't been up there today, but she and I went yesterday and she organized everything into stacks that I no longer wanted. That was almost everything up there. I even gave away all my Christmas decorations. I can't bring them down and then take them back up so I can't decorate anymore. She put them in the pile to be hauled away. Everyone in the family has all the decorations they want. I had already given away most of the nice ones.

They left at 10:30. They said they were going to meet Caleb for lunch. That is their 13 month old Grandson. They were going to keep him while their daughter and her husband did some shopping for a party they are hosting Sunday. They stay busy, busy! I no longer care about the business but wouldn't it be nice to be able to do it.

[agate]

Yes, holiday decorations have been pared down to a minimum around here too. Just not up to so much fussiness--taking things down from shelves, rummaging among the things, pinning and tacking and taping with a lot of reaching involved. I get very tired whenever I need to do repetitive reaching.

I hope the roofing project will clean itself up somehow for you, Virginia! This building I'm in got a new roof a few years ago, and I recall debris constantly falling down on the ground. I don't remember how they cleaned it up but recall a small rolling dumpster at some point.

Thursday I was at the optical place to pick up my computer glasses. I found out too late that the insurance kicks in for only one pair of glasses a year, and it got applied to the computer glasses. By Thursday I had realized that I also needed regular glasses, the ones I wear most of the time. I don't see things I drop on the floor, for instance, and don't recognize people because I don't see their faces clearly. There was a 1 diopter change in one eye since a year ago. When I compared the old and new glasses rx's and saw that change (how lucky that I could still see that, come to think of it), I decided on that second glasses rx. Unfortunately it will cost me $500.

I went in there with old frames for possible use with them but the optician said it would cost me just as much to use the old frames. However, it's money well spent because I know I'll see better.

I also went for lab work on Wednesday, and that was two appointments in one week. I try hard never to do that but I was really eager to get on with the glasses. Now I'm busy catching up on the laundry and other tasks that didn't get done because of those two appointments.

Going to appointments always causes mental overload. I have to remember a place's bathroom code now and take it along with me along with phone numbers for the transportation people and the place I'm going to, plus any relevant insurance and credit and ID cards, plus my rx sunglasses, plus my door keys and the clicker gadget that will open this building's front door, plus a rainhat and let's not forget that cellphone, which I have to make sure is working before I leave. And a snack in case I get stuck waiting somewhere.

But I got those two important errands taken care of and I'm still in one piece and doing laundry. I understand that everyone else is out on the road getting into bad traffic for the Memorial Day weekend and I'm not having to do that. I'm celebrating.

[Virginia]

Agate, what a busy few days you are having. That is a lot of going and on top of that you are doing laundry today. Hope you don't over do and pay for all this tomorrow. Congratulations on ordering new glasses. I hope you like and enjoy them when they come in.

I was told the same thing about using my old frames. That it would cost just as much as if I chose new frames, so I got new frames. I need to go again and get my eyes examined. I used to never put my eye exam off, but it is in a place that I no longer want to drive to so I have been putting it off. I could get an appointment closer to my house, but I don't know of an Ophthalmologist close to me. The one I have been going to for so long has all my records and is aware that I have had optic neuritis. I hate to trust another eye doctor right now. Also my current doctor is very familiar with MS.

I am not sure I will go to my nieces Sunday. I want to, but I heard on the news that the temperature is to be mid to upper 90s. It is to be a cookout, but everyone will stay inside. My brother would have the car cool when he gets here to pick me up. Anyway I am thinking about it and can cancel if I feel I can't go.

Agate, I hope your temperature was nice there since you were out two days in a row. Like you, I am content to let everyone else be on the road while I stay at home. It sounds like everyone is.

[agate]

Yes, the traffic situation and crowding at airports are said to be very very bad this weekend.

I'd like to change ophthalmologists too but I guess I'm too lazy. I went to the list of providers who would accept my insurance, and many of them are connected to the same local eye-care chain as my current eye doctor. The ones who aren't with that chain are just names to me. I could look into their training and certification and read the reviews but that isn't much to go on when it comes to an eye doctor.

I chose the current eye doctor shortly after moving here nearly 15 years ago--by asking the primary care doctor for a recommendation. He was the one recommended. This time I asked my current primary care doctor for a recommendation, and she mentioned a couple of companies, not individual doctors, and then she said that my insurance wouldn't cover those names anyway. She asked me to supply a list of eye doctors that my insurance would cover. That list would be so long I don't know how she would choose, and so I've opted to stay with this doctor even though he's definitely not treating the patient. He and that whole Eye Health Northwest complex seem more interested in making money than in patient care. But that's often the way it is with eye care, I've noticed. So I'm happy not to have any major treatable eye problems that I really need attention for. The MS-related eye problems have been severe but there's not much that could be done about them, and so I don't much care that this eye doctor has never mentioned the MS or dealt with it in any way. Many eye doctors would want to do a visual fields test now and then but not this one.

But that's OK since I've had enough of them already.

Hope you can get to the (indoor) cookout and enjoy it, Virginia! That sounds like such a good idea--having a cookout but staying indoors for it. Does the cooking get done outdoors though? Summer is obviously already there for you if it's going to be in the 90s. Upper 90s? I hope that won't happen.

[agate]

I apologize for my disappearance. On Friday I lost my Internet connection and so did this building's computers. Communication by smartphone isn't so easy, and so I am waiting for service to be restored. That might not happen until tomorrow night.

In the meantime I'll check in from time to time and try to reply to any messages.

[Prot]

Saw lymphoedema nurse yesterday. I think things went reasonably well. She asked if I was experiencing pain. I told her yes, but it wasn't lymphoedema related. The codeine has made the constipation I'm prone to even worse . It does nothing to stop pain occurring if I'm standing up,moving or still, for more than about 15 minutes.

After 30 years of (re)searching I may have finally managed to link my branch of the Gattys to others with the surname. There's a sense of achievement, but also regret that I failed to do so before my father died.

[agate]

I have the Internet back now even though the latest estimate was Saturday evening. Five days without the Internet and having to do things by phone just weren't the easiest thing.

So sorry you haven't had any luck with solving the pain problem, Tim. Did the nurse have any new suggestions?

I've never heard the name Gatty before but there are many names I've never heard before. How did you manage to find a way of linking with others with that name? I tinker with Geni and Ancestry.com from time to time but am not very adept at figuring it out.

[Prot]

I have the Internet back now even though the latest estimate was Saturday evening. Five days without the Internet and having to do things by phone just weren't the easiest thing.

So sorry you haven't had any luck with solving the pain problem, Tim. Did the nurse have any new suggestions?

I've never heard the name Gatty before but there are many names I've never heard before. How did you manage to find a way of linking with others with that name? I tinker with Geni and Ancestry.com from time to time but am not very adept at figuring it out.

There were no new suggestions unfortunately. It's as if someone has placed something heavy on my right kneecap. As for the genealogy ,I've tested with all the main companies that do DNA testing to show ethnicity and provide cousin matches based on shared DNA. The ethnicity tests are good at saying which continent(s) your ancestry is from. Less good at a subcontinental level- French or German. Even worse at a regional level. The best guide to one's ethnicity is via the DNA cousins you have. I have done all 3 types of testing - autosomal, yDNA(father to son)and MTDNA(mother to daughter). The link was eventually found using yDNA and a lot of (re)searching.