July chitchat

[Virginia]

Tim, that is a shame that you still have to suffer the effects of your early years.

My Mother went to college but met my Dad and did not finish. I asked how they were able to afford it since she was raised in a rural community on a farm. She had an uncle who had money and he sent her. One of her brothers graduated and went on to become a teacher and then a principal of a high school. Her sister who I was named after went longer than mother. She married a man that was superintendent of city schools in a city in NC. He was a nice man and a good family provider but my oldest brother told me that our uncle never got down on the floor and played with them when he was there. His children, to this day, say my husband was the best uncle. They tell me they must have been a bother but he still always took the time to listen to them.

[Prot]

I never went to college/university . I was hospitalised for the 1st time the term I should've taken my A levels. A level results then being used to decide whether you went to university or not. Apart from a brief attempt at a correspondence course soon after my 1st hospital stay I've done no studying since then. Fear of being bullied due to past experiences have made me brush aside quite a few suggestions to do a college course, along with fear of failure due to my executive functioning difficulties. My mind is like a very high quality orchestra, conducted by a poorly skilled conductor.

To get much needed help and support for such difficulties it has to be acknowledged that you have a problem that requires that. That never happened. It took till my daughter obliterating long term inaccuracies about me, for it to be seen that I had genuine difficulties. That I wasn't someone with a massive character defect. I was 60 when that happened. Far too late to reverse the damage that was caused by such inaccuracies.

[agate]

Tim, as a former teacher I've noticed that there are students who want everything they do to be absolutely perfect, and since it never is, they spin their wheels and never turn in assigned work or complete courses or degrees they've wanted to finish. Most students will turn in their work when it's due even though they know others in the course will probably have turned in better work, even though they know their work had to be done in a hurry and is full of errors--but they want to get that course finished so they can move on and get their education over with.

It's never too late to start in on learning something or other, and the Internet has opportunities for doing that, like Coursera, but most of them have a price tag.

I did go to college and even graduate school but I didn't pay much for it. It was almost all scholarship money. Back then scholarships were being given out more generously than later on, I think, and so I was lucky. For a while I did pay half tuition for a couple of courses because I was a university employee and that was one of the perks--you could take one course per term at half-price. You were even allowed time off from your job to attend the class.

At one point I got a student loan and then had to pay it back. I had repaid about a third of it but MS came along and I was able to be excused from the rest of it on the basis of a permanent disability, and that was lucky too.

[Prot]

Agate, with me it's difficulty getting what I know/think down well on paper because of the EF difficulties. It's not really a case of wanting things to be absolutely perfect.

[Prot]

Dental appointment tomorrow morning. Starting the process to get dentures.

[Prot]

First step towards perhaps getting dentures. I gagged quite a lot as the upper mould was being done. It’s debatable whether I’ll cope with dentures. But it’s a case of ‘We won’t know unless we try’. The dental nurse explaining things was excellent.

[agate]

Getting those molds made can be miserable. That's probably by far the worst part of getting dentures. I'm a fan of dentures as I like to eat a variety of foods and not limit myself to soft food.

I haven't noticed that they take much getting used to. Sometimes an adjustment needs to be made, and that's another trip to the dentist or denturist. They need to be "relined" from time to time. They need to be removed and cleaned and stored overnight but that's not much of a problem.

I have a difficult jaw and the denture I have does wobble at times. It might be better when the dentist can adjust it, next time I see him, but in the meantime there's a product that helps to stick it into place, and it works well. So even if the dentures aren't a perfect fit, there are ways of improving the situation at least temporarily.

[Prot]

I have a clicking jaw.I tend not to get pain with it, so I don't think it's TMJ. If I can cope with having dentures it'll be much better food choice wise.

[agate]

Is a clicking jaw the same as bruxism? Years ago I was told I was grinding my teeth though I wasn't aware of it. The dentist said that the teeth surfaces were wearing down because of it and so I had to wear a nightguard. At first I had to wear it night and day, which I did for years even though it was unsightly, but then I was allowed to wear it only at night, which I stlll do.

[Prot]

Bruxism and clicking jaw are not the same. My late wife told me I used to grind my teeth. I was never given a nightguard to wear.

[Virginia]

Tim, I have always felt if I was learning something, just most anything, that it was helping me. I have been back to school taking different courses for half my life. Finally, in my early 40s while my husband was alive I went back to college thinking I would get a degree in accounting. I was one of those people who thought if I didn't get the highest grade in the class I was a failure. I felt this way because I was the oldest in the class and didn't want the younger ones to think they were younger and smarter. I did come out of that with the best scores in the class. However, I did not get to graduate. My Father got cancer and I was taking care of him. I talked to the instructor I had at the time and he asked me if I planned to file corporate taxes. I told him that was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to do everything up to that and let someone else do the taxes, which is how it is supposed to be done. He told me I knew everything I needed to know to do what I wanted to do. So I left. Dad died about 7 or 8 months later and I was with him.

After that I did accounting for the rest of my working life. I was Chief Financial Officer and HR person for 13 years. I quit due to MS. I did take some night classes after that, but not in accounting. I have no desire to do any of that again and couldn't even if I wanted to. It would be far to stressful now.

I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone and I know I am not physically able. Sometime we have to accept the things we can't change and be happy with what we can do.

[Prot]

Virginia, I just wish I had had the help and support to flourish to the best of my ability. It didn't happen at school. It hasn't happened as a psychiatric patient. I'll qualify that by saying I don't blame the mental health team I have now. They know how things are, but can't realistically reverse past damage.I do my best to live with how things are, as opposed to how they could/should've been, but it isn't always easy.

With me it's less a case of proving things to others, instead it's about wanting something I'm quite good at. Something to counter the many things I'm not very good at. For me it's custom made high range IQ tests. They do come in for a lot of criticism. Not all, by any stretch of the imagination, is justified. There are some quite ludicrous claims as to how much they inflate scores, compared to an official IQ test. Based on those who have listed an official score and one from a high range test at the World Genius directory, a score from a custom made high range test of 150 will be the proctored equivalent of 144.

Society, as it is, finds people posting how good looking they are as more socially acceptable than posting a high IQ score. Does that make much sense? No, but it is how things are.

[Virginia]

Tim, I think "common sense" is just as important as having a high I.Q. I do agree that it is a shame you were not given the help you needed to reach your full potential. I was given an IQ test one time. I was told I did very good on it. I don't know what I scored but the doctor who gave me the test said he would never again hire anyone that he didn't give that test to. I think he wanted to tell.me but he wanted me to ask. I had always tested well and I didn't care what my IQ was.

I know that it is no longer what it was. Living alone and having MS for years has taken its toll mentally as well as physically. I wouldn't want to be tested now.

[Virginia]

By the way where do you stand on your dental work?

[Prot]

Tim, I think "common sense" is just as important as having a high I.Q.

I totally agree. I'm far from the best when it comes to common sense. As for my IQ. It's higher than most people, but accompanied by moderately severe executive functioning deficits.