SEX

[SalpalSally]

LoLoLoL!!!!!

[Virginia]

Well, if you really want to know, it was about a year and a half ago when my friend of 18 and half years left for someone between 21 and 22 years younger than him. Oh, and by the way, did I mention she is healthy and definitely does not have MS.

Does it get lonely? Yep! Would I want him back? No Way! Life is far less stressful. I can't even imagine him being in my life anymore. I use to talk to him about him finding someone who was healthy and could be more of a companion (as far as going places, boating, etc) He always assured me he did not want anyone else and asked me to please not force him to leave. Sooooo, he just waited until someone out of his past came along and got in touch with him and he was gone in a flash. I have neither seen nor talked to him since. AND, I was considered for most of that 18 1/2 years to be a part of his family and him mine. I even helped him care for his Mother who was in her nineties. She loved me dearly. I thought maybe he might leave after her death, but he did not. Guess the right person had not yet come along and also I had not progressed at that point as I have now.

I think I am better off with friends with my age and stage of progression. Strange, but when I think of someone that I have cared very deeply for it is either my husband that died, a really top notch fine young man that asked me to marry him when we were young or one other person that I knew, but not this most recent one who was with me all those years. The way he left was so bad that once I had pretty much moved past it I just don't think of him. Hope I don't step on any toes here, but it also kind of left me with a bad feeling about lawyers. I know that there are some very nice ones, but I don't feel that deep down he was one of them.

[agate]

No need to worry about offending any lawyers, Virginia. Most of them have pretty thick skins anyway and most would be the first to admit that there are bad apples in their midst.

You're probably better off without that guy who lasted 18.5 years. It's just too bad you gave that many years to a relationship only to have it fall apart. The way some people are willing to treat others is sad.

"May he find the bees but not the honey." (old Irish curse)

[Cherie]

Before my MS was as well managed as it is now, it was often hard to feel things normally and that made things not as enjoyable but, with the right partner, intimacy can overcome sensation issues. Fred Foley PhD has counseled couples with MS for years and two of his standard recommendations are "Enabling Romance" by Kroll and Kroll and "the Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability" by Kaufman, et al. Neither of these books is specific to MS but both deal with loss of sensation and mobility and how to overcome a lot of that using various techniques discussed in the books. These even go into how to have intercourse while catheterized. They are pretty comprehensive and also put great emphasis on relationship and not focusing on what was thought at "normal" in a relationship and more what can be for the couple.

BTW: Without my husband of nearly 40 years, I don't think this would be a topic that would hold my interest. David is the Best partner!

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))) ~

Just to reassure you all that lack of sex isn't exclusive to MS or other ailments.

Several of my healthy single friends haven't had a roll in the hay with anyone for years. One friend in her early 60s, dated men from on line dating sites. She must have dated every single man in her age range living within her state! After 4 years, she's still alone. And she is a healthy, youthful, intelligent, witty, charming, beautiful woman.

My married friends ~ the same thing. Two of my friends are divorcing their husbands currently ~ one is 45, and the other is 70. El zippo in the bedroom for years. Other, contented married couples haven't nookied in decades. Too tired. Schedules clash. Don't want to take Viagra or testosterone. Have prostate issues. Have lady parts issues. Have lost interest in physical intimacy, but love each other deeply and loyally.

Sex requires energy, and to an extent, agility. I don't know anyone in their 60s +, who resemble the models in the TV ads for ED drugs. Playing tennis, dancing, golfing, hot tubbing, making goo-goo eyes at each other ... Nope. The people I know think, "Do I want to risk breaking a hip for a few moments of yippee ki yay?"

So, don't feel alone, my friends. There are plenty of other folks out here, who aren't getting any either!

Love & Light,

Rose

[SalpalSally]

Love your story Rose and the jovial way in which you told it..haha!!
Thanks for sharing it and soooo true.

[Jeanie Z]

:) About 10 years ago my David got a RX for Viagra but still had problems. I missed our closness when we made love so I suggessted we have a hugging and talking session each morning. That worked great and we both looked forward to it as there was no stress to perform, just to be loving. I really miss our morning cuddling sessions. Jeanie :)

[SalpalSally]

Sweet Jeanie!!!

[Gary]

Oh yeah I remember what that is now!

[Howie]

GARY!!!
I'm so glad this subject wasn't shut down. We are all adults here....I think, and it's good to hear everyone's account.

[Frog42]

We may all be adults but some here are more childish than others!

[stillstANNding]

My experience, over time, with MS and sex is that is does interfere but can be accommodated.

Night time is not a good time for sex. No "spoons" left to spoon with! Moving it to morning and having meds and coffee first help.

Spasms are a problem. You just have to work out your own solution and we each know our own body and our MS best.

Virginia, PizzaGuy, my DH2B in less than 7 days, is a lawyer. Just saying.

ANN

[Virginia]

Oops, sorry about that Ann!!! But then, I did say there are exceptions. Anyway, he probably has not practiced as long as my ex and is just basically nicer.

Rose, enjoyed your post.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))) ~

Sally and Virginia ~ glad you enjoyed my post.

The more I reflected, the more I realized that the only people in my immediate circle, who are getting it on, at least consistently, are our 20something Godchildren! (Two Godchildren, both married.)

A Cialis commercial interrupted football today. My husband and I watched these senior-ish couples in their assorted activities, swooning over each other. In one scene, a couple is refinishing a bench, and they look at each other like they are ready to rip off their clothes and put on a Barry White album.

I turned to my husband and said, "Who does that?!"

And he replied, "Newlyweds." Pause. "In their 20s." Pause. "How's your sandwich?"

Now, I'm not saying that anyone is happy about the lack of whoopee happening in their lives. It's a matter of reality, resignation, and acceptance. Who doesn't wish to be 20something, or 30something, or heck, 50something looks good to me these days?

Jeanie ~ Your beautiful memories of cuddling and sharing with David are really what it is all about. There are so many ways to be intimate. Companionship, with someone, who knows and loves you, is precious. I'm so glad you had that with David.

Ann ~ Best wishes to you on your nuptials!

Gary ~ You, a certified sex symbol, of all people, should be an expert on this topic!

Howie ~ I think our administrators and moderators respect us that we'll keep it PG rated. And it is very healthy to discuss this subject about ... well ... you know ...

Vicky ~

I love you guys here on the MS forum. You keep the joint jumpin'!



Love & Light,

Rose

[Howie]

PG rated eh? Does that mean I can't wear my SpongeBob thong?