A "Real Confession" -- from an Old Timer...

[Leeaelle]

Yeah Dave I had a few "weapons of destruction" when I was getting sober, but I poured them out cause I knew what would happen. Something would trigger me, or the cravings would get too bad, or I'd get too depressed, or I'd find SOME excuse -- and I'd drink. I always had an excuse to drink. And if I didn't have one, I'd make one up.

We'll be glad to have you stick around! Always nice to have more posters, and we've always like YOU anyway!

So hope to see you again soon. Take care Dave, and keep on keepin on. Hugs, Lee

[HellBoundTroll]

Yeah Dave I had a few "weapons of destruction" when I was getting sober, but I poured them out cause I knew what would happen. Something would trigger me, or the cravings would get too bad, or I'd get too depressed, or I'd find SOME excuse

Lee, always knew you were much smarter than me

I did get rid of my beer and ale (don't really like it, so not much of a loss...). At the moment sipping coffee, which I don't like much either, but it beats the old standby breakfast drink for the past few years Pabst Blue Ribbon (I always liked that Jim Morrison lyric from "Roadhouse Blues," --- "Woke up this morning, got myself a beer."

Anyway, plans include cutting brush for a few hours, then maybe watch the golf game this afternoon -- never liked golf much until I started drinking to excess....hmmm...

Easter's coming!

[Leeaelle]

Hey Dave -- Yuck, even as HEAVILY as I drank, I couldn't drink at breakfast time. LOL It was usually about 2pm before I'd pop a beer. Then I'd really slug it down, and have it gone in about 10 minutes. The first one never took me very long. Beer was my drink of choice. I could easily go thru a case a day. And when that ran out, I'd hit the hard stuff. I never lost a days work tho -- I might go to work in a blackout, but I never missed work. Half the time I didn't know how I GOT to work, but I'd "wakeup" at about noon. Gives me the creeps just to think about it. Eeewwwww. God, I'm SO grateful I don't have to live like that anymore!!!

Most people don't believe me, but I had a spiritual experience the day I called AA. God took ahold of me that day. *I* didn't make that call. "Someone" took ahold of me and MADE me pick up that phone and dial it. *I* didn't do it. *I* didn't WANT to. But I couldn't put the phone DOWN! I PHYSICALLY COULD NOT put the phone DOWN. I tried & tried -- but I couldn't. I was SO SCARED at that time!!! I didn't know what was happening! When someone answered the phone, I was stuttering & stammering -- unsure of who I called. Then I remembered, and told them I needed help, still stuttering. And still scared!!! When we finished the call, I just sat down totally frantic, and still afraid. No one was home, but they wouldn't have believed me anyway. I had to THINK about this!!!
What in the world just happened??? A few days later, I talked to a long time AA member -- and tears came to their eyes. They were jealous!!! They told me I had a spiritual experience, and that God had paid me a visit!!! That God had HELPED me and saved me from myself. Of course I didn't see Him -- there were no bright lights or auras. But He actually took control of my physical body and made me call AA!!! I could not find any other answer for it -- so that must be what it was!! About a year later, I had another "visit." But that's another story. ;) Anyway -- that's how I got into AA. LOL Hugs, Lee

[HellBoundTroll]

Again, it's the Troll.

I know this is spinal disorders, not weak-willed Alky talk. But hope you all will indulge me for another day or two, then I promise I will quit the off-topic ramble.

Anyway, I am not into this as an exact science, but I think my last drinking day was Thursday....gee, a whole four days!

Problem is I drank 48-ounces of Pepsi today....Well, better than tequila....Lee, honestly, your comments help a lot! I can't imagine what you have gone through. I have made it for two weeks a couple of times in the last year or so, but this time I think I can, I think I can....

For some reason, the worst time is the morning. I don't like beer much, but a can or two at breakfast (empty stomach and all) gives such a nice mellow buzz. It doesn't last more than a half-hour, but, whew....Then about 6 p.m., another hard patch to work through.

Disgusting, really. And, I can remember when I would have said that would never be me (there but for the grace of God).

During my very first gig as a firefighter in a rural area of ***X -- well, let's just say the Western U.S, everybody drank, just not on-duty. But I knew a lot of the ranch hands started with a morning eye-opener and just kept sipping from a bottle all day long.

One particular gent, Calvin, who was 60 or so, started each day with a 24-ounce bottle of beer. First thing in the morning, he liked it warm, so in the cold months he would open the bottle and set it on the edge of the wood stove to warm. The cabin always had a sort of cooked barley smell from November through March.

Whew, I thought Calvin had problems -- little did I know....Again, I know I should probably take this all to the addiction forum, but bear with me, if you can. It seems to be helping to post and I am somewhat comfortable in the spinal "environs." If the board were busier, I WOULD do the right thing and take this to another forum.

Anyway, thanks again for putting up with my drivel....and for the helpful, helpful words!

[Mark N]

HellBound, yes too many areas of our country have an alcohol issue and when you are surrounded by it the cravings have to be hard. I have been fortunate that alcohol, tobacco, nor drugs ever enticed me but that may be why I spent so much time in the weight room or hanging out with my gfs. I generally ran myself ragged every day so there wasn't time for the vices. I do remember a couple of Marines giving me a tough time, hey we all have to drink right, but as a buddy told them I went with them bought rounds and drank my coke so my choice of drink wasn't a problem. Those two couldn't go their own way anyway as they didn't know what an orginal idea was:). The girls in SF may have flowers in their hair but it isn't like it was during the 60s [I was still in jr high].

Don't worry about being off topic as things are pretty casual right now. If things pick up we will have to watch it but for now we are just talking to ourselves.

[HellBoundTroll]

O.K. One-week clean!

No big deal, done it lots of times.!!!! HHHHHAAAA

Anyway, this will be my last post about this. Over the roughest part, and other than a bit of the shakes the first day and a bit of a "swimmy" head for a couple of days over the weekend (which may not had been related), did O.K.

Thanks all for putting up with it. I'm sure there will be slips, but I hope not. I put away the Hunter Thompson and am now re-reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance."

[Leeaelle]

Hey Dave ~ CONGRATS on ONE WEEK!!! That's great! And there doesn't have to be slips. I never did, so lets just figure you won't either, ok? If you're as stubborn as I am, you won't LET yourself slip. Just make a pledge to yourself that you won't.

So what kind of motorcycle do you have? A Harley or what? My ex used to make me ride on the back of his GoldWing 1100 interstate, and it scared me to death. People just don't WATCH for motorcycles. Darn near got killed a few times.

Time to go get comfortable - the old spine/body is yelling at me. Take care ALL. Hugs, Lee

[HellBoundTroll]

Lee, as always, fantastic to hear from you.

I actually have no "motorsickle."

I did have one for a short period of time, oh, what was it -- 1979 or so when I was in college.

The bike was a Kawasaki 500 that I rode from Eureka, California to Elko, Nevada. In Elko I had a summer job waiting for me with the US Geological Survey. I was a "California boy" with a motorcycle, tan and long blond hair who surfed and sang and played the guitar....well at least that was the picture they all had of me before I arrived. They were playing off media images.

What they got was a tall, skinny, brown-eyed, brown-haired guy with shorter hair, who did not know one end of a guitar from the other.

It all worked out well.... those "rural" girls did all want to meet a California boy, and if I was not Bobby Sherman or David Cassidy, that was O.K.

At first, they did not seem to get the difference between NORTHERN California (where I was from) and the SOUTHERN California of their dreams. They all wanted to know about Disneyland, Hollywood and the sunny beaches. I could tell them about hippie communes, redwood trees and fog.

No, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is actually a metaphysical book. Don't be scared by that, it is really a very approachable book, which uses the framework of a motorcycle trip in the the 1970s to explore the rational and romantic, modern life, truth, quality of life, etc.

Before you get the idea of an Easy Rider drug-fueled ride, the book is not that at all. The rider (and writer) is with his young son and a couple of other people. I last read it some 20 years ago.

Oh, and as for my motorcycle in the 1970s, I was somewhat terrified by my ride -- I was a green novice rider when I undertook that trip. I sold that bike (at a profit) in Nevada and bought a used Ford Falcon....

[Mark N]

HellBound and Lee, you brought up a memory for me as I had a "water buffalo" motorcycle. It was a 750cc Suzuki water cooled motorcycle and I got when I got out of the Marines and heading into college. I only had it for 6 months because even though I enjoyed riding it and college girls liked being taken for a ride I sold it because drivers didn't see motorcycle riders and I didn't want to get killed on the road. HellBound good to hear you have had a week of sober living and I hope you can keep it up as I had an uncle and brother with the alcoholism and my brother died at 48 from it so I don't want to hear that happens to you.

I have lost a week based on my sleep pattern trying to fight off a head cold. I was only awake late at night except for one day and the rest of the week I was sleeping. I hope we all have a good weekend. I hope to be able to go to my granddaughters 3rd Bday on Sunday.

[Leeaelle]

Dave ~ You sold it for a Ford Falcon??? Oh please tell me you didn't sink THAT low. LOL Good Lord, those horrible cars weren't worth the "tin" they were made of. My father was the cheapest cheapskate on earth, and HE bought one -- only it was also a STATION WAGON!! ARRRGGGHH. That was when I was still home and a teenager --- I was never so embarrassed in my life! You know how teenagers are. And if that wasn't bad ENOUGH, it darn car was GREEN! Lord help me.

My granddaughter just left after having spent the night. She was going to spend the whole weekend, but she got sick! So I sent her home -- I'll be darned if I'm going to have her stay here, while she's coming down with something.

The weather is gorgeous here in Michigan, and I wish I could go out there and enjoy it, but the old spine is trying to kill me again, so off to the bed I go. I'm sick of that bed, but lately it's come in handy.

Hoping everyone is feeling better than I do. Take care ALL and God bless! Hugs, Lee

[HellBoundTroll]

Oh, come on Lee, the Falcon WAS THE FIRST FORD MUSTANG!

It was exactly the same car. Ford copied it all and just put on a different body for the Mustang...Falcons were great cars, easy to work on....

I sold that one when I came back to California for exactly what I paid for it -- $100. I probably could have gotten a few hundred more, but, water under the troll's bridge....dave

[Leeaelle]

Sorry Dave --- But around here, Falcons were seriously 'maligned.'. LOL Especially green station wagons!

Nuts, the darn cervical is acting up today and I have the headache from H@#$. Have my collar on and hope that helps.

I thought spring was here? It's FREEZING here, darn it!! Someone, SOMEWHERE -- send some HEAT, will ya??

Have a great day all - and don't let anyone get ya with an April Fools joke. Hugs, Lee

[Mark N]

Lee, I have to agree with Dave but only about the sedan Falcons not the green stationwagon your family had. The Falcons had powerful engines and they were the base of the Mustangs that became successful even though it was just a change of the body. Get into a Falcon in good shape now and close your eyes and you would think you were in a Mustang.

Dave I think I hear Lee is a GM snob and doesn't like Fords It sounds like you are doing well with your change in "medicine" for pain and I hope you can continue to do well. You still need to find something that will get the pain under control though as pain will wear you out mentally as much as physically.

My son in the Army got his orders for 82 Airborne so now he is in a unit, well at the end of April, and will start training with them. Now his mom will start worrying about him being shipped out but like I told her it is what he wants to do. Not much else going on as I have been in a phase of sleeping a lot or in a fog so I haven't been out much.

[HellBoundTroll]

Hey, the Falcon also came in a "ranchero" edition....that is a car front with an open bed behind. Sort of a hybrid car/pickup truck. I had to drive one of those to deliver parts as part of the summer job I got working in a metal factory at age 16 (highly illegal, had to be 18 -- dangerous occupation -- but no one checked ids in those days).

Anyway, hey, I just visited the addiction forum and had a merry time replying to a post and then was going to reply to another one and then realized all the posts were a couple of years old. Wow, has braintalk really fallen that far. I thought spinal was the only "quiet" forum.

Gee....it had to be all the monkey business with the forums going down, etc. all the time right?

Or, is everyone just so happy with Facebook they have no time for anything else. I gave up Facebook. Seriously bad news! I kept getting contacted by women from high school that never would give me the time of day back in the 1970's who are now divorced and want to "get together." One even sent nude pix....Bad, bad bad...well, I actually sort of enjoyed the pix what can I say, typical guy...

Anyway, I was feeling guilty about filling bandwidth here with my blather, but considering....

And, hey, the real reason I went to addiction today was that --- I just realized for the last three days I DID NOT CRAVE A DRINK. Of course, now that I typed that, I will probably get horrible urges and pop open that bottle of Absolut I have stashed in the kitchen....Anyway, I know, just barely two weeks now. As Lee knows, I still have a long way to go, but...

[Leeaelle]

Dave, don't you DARE open that bottle, or I'll HAUNT you!!! And believe me, I can do it! You've got a few days under your belt -- keep it that way!

And Mark was right - I'm a GM person. lol I wouldn't drive a Ford if I HAD to. lol Sorry guys. I had one once, and it was a nightmare. I blotted it out of my mind so much that I can't even remember what model it was. lol But I've owned 13 Oldsmobiles, and every one of them was a peach! I miss them. Now I have a stinking 2012 Chevy Impala and I HATE it. I'm thinking of trading it.

Been in bed for 2 days. I don't know what's coming, but there must be SOME front coming, and it must be a dilly cause my body is on a rampage. lol It put out a hit on me.

Hope everyone is doing well, and your pain levels are LOW!!! I'm waiting for Spring to spring. LOL In Michigan, it doesn't seem to want to. Take care, Lee