What's Happening in our Caregiving World?

[Jo6]

((((Jeannie))))

My dear, you are so right. You can't do a damn thing about your Mom's health and that is the horror of it all. We can't think of it all the time. I've been down that road and it will wreck your health faster than anything I know.

I don't mean to be rude to you Jeannie, I just want you to keep your own health. The work in your yard, the other projects you are working on, those are the things you can do something about. I think you are doing a grand job of all of these projects.

When we don't see our LO for a few days even it can be a shocker. Things change so quickly. I wish I could do something to help you. Just know I'm here and I'll stay here as long as I'm needed. As heart breaking as Alzheimer's Disease is I feel a strong urge to help others, as others helped me. Had it not been for all of you I would not have made it.

If I'm not here for a few days it's probably because my computer is dying. I tried to post Thursday and it said I had no more memory. lol I know my memory is getting stale these days, but the computer should have more memory than I could use. Ken is slowly helping me. I've got to get rid of stuff I didn't take care of many years ago. I'll work it out somehow, but hopefully it won't take me as long as it did this time.

So, please take care of yourself, dear one. I look every day I can get on here to see if you have news. To all you other LO's, take care of yourself, know you are in my heart and in my prayers.

Hugs to all of you, Julia s


PS: Jeannie, I think it would be wise to discuss your Mom's cancer and how it is affecting her. What you described about her making the face could be a sign she was hurting. It got that way with Mary. If we asked if she hurt she looked very confused and didn't even shake her head. It's worth a try, eh?

[Jo6]

To all that post here I send my love and prayers. I miss those that haven't been here in a long time. Has anybody heard anything from the lady that was going to have surgery? I am terrible at remembering names, but her husband was in a NH close to her house and her son was getting ready to move into a new group house. We haven't heard from her since her surgery. I would sure love to hear from her.

Jan, I hope things are looking up for you and for Hank, of course. Karen, I pray things are looking up for you and Mr. Q. Your MIL too.

Jeannie, I hope things are going well for you. You have a load on you and you deserve some respite yourself!! Pati, I hope you have had some peace and Quiet while your housemate has gone on his yearly hunting trip. You take care of yourself now, you hear? Joy, for all the encouragment and love you share here we all thank you. Kat, where are you? Haven't heard from you lately. How are you?

To all those I've missed, you are truely missed. Pop in and let us know how you are. For those that choose to lurk, come on in and share with us all. I think of many that could use some encourging. You are welcome to join us.

My love to all, Julia s

[Buttons2]

Jo, I only had 5 days this year of housemate being gone! I could have used more. he called everyday when he drove to where he could get cell phone reception. well one day he called & then about an hour later he called again by mistake & wanted to know who I was? I said this is Pati don't you recognize my voice? yes but how did I get you,I was calling someone else. well you did call the house number. oh......

some days I actually do fear he has dementia of some kind. other days I wonder about ME. he's taking B12 now. but one thing that has me concerned is he's stopped taking some of his meds. and doesn't know what some are for?

I just take it one day @ a time!

I also wonder how Karen,her DH & her MIL are doing?

and Jeannie,you've been absent lately so hope it's cause you are getting on with next step in your life & if you vist your mom tomorrow it won't be unpleasant!

((((hugs to all)))) Pati

[tic chick]

hey everyone !

yes, i have been absent lately, as pati has intuitively guessed, because i am getting on with my life.

i didn't see my mother yesterday because i had errands to run to about 7 stores. my niece is getting married next week saturday and i had a dress shortened and it was ready to pick up. then other errands to run.

my legal separation was finalized in court on october 20th. my birthday was the 24th of october and i went out the 23rd and the 24th with my girlfriends and a few nice gentlemen .

it is strange dating other men. i did not expect my life to turn upside-down at the age of 57. i loved my husband, but when it became obvious that he wanted his life to be ruled by his addiction, i couldn't live in a marriage where i was the only one wanting to participate. yes, something horribly bad happened last february which finally pushed me to file for this separation. but, as i say about my mom, i STILL have my life to lead and...

i cannot do a damn thing about my husband's problem's. i cannot do a damn thing about my husband's problem's.

so, i signed up on an internet dating service for 3 months the day my separation was granted. i figured i'd find jerks and people that are nice, but just not what i'm looking for now. and i was hoping to find someone who could become someone special.

and i think i have .

yes, i'm taking it slow, because i haven't dated in 37 years. it's funny to ask your daughter for dating advice....lmao.. even though this is pleasant, it is still another stress in my life. good things sometimes DO cause stress also, especially when they are new and exciting.

so life does go on for me. i will not sit and cry, like i can't sit and cry for mom...because it can't change what happened and i 'd rather look for my happiness than wallow in pity and depression.

okay....that's enough of that .

i DID see my mom last week, but didn't post because of everything going on.

last week was a good week for mom. she was talkative, and just a LITTLE BIT more here than she usually is. she asked me, "how is your cavalier?" i said, "who is that?" she said, "your boy." so she was asking about my bachelor son who dates but hasn't found the right woman yet. i said, "oh, he's fine. busy working, helping his friend move into a new house." and then my mom said something so funny, we all laughed. she said, "he needs a woman to seduce him." and it was nice because she used the word correctly.

than she lapsed back into her world where everyday from the past is today. but i visited with her a bit longer because she was enjoying it and so was i.

so, i will keep you all posted because i care about you and i feel your care and concern for me and i love you all for that and for the unique individuals you all are.

thank you for sharing and caring ,
jeannie

[joy]

Jeannie I am so happy for you. I have a dear nephew, who I hope gets stateside from Iraq SOON that found himself in a marriage gone bad. Well she said things that made the army put him under phy. care. they held him for a short while and had to releaase him because they said he was sanier than most of them even,LOL, so we all understood why he did not want to stay with her after that. Anyway he met a woman at a dating service and they got along splendily, married and all that. We were lucky enough to get to go see him and his beautiful lady as I called her when we went to Colorado.

I hope you end up with someone as special as my nephew did. You are to giving a person to be alone in my opinion :o. I am glad you shared with us. Also glad you had some plesant time with your mother. I know those are getting harder to happen.A late Happy Birthday to you. My mother, my aunt, my son dear Julia and a lot of good folks are born in October. You are in good company there as well. Many many more to come for you I hope.

[Buttons2]

thanks for the update Jeannie!

Jeannie, after our conversation I felt really bad that I didn't comment much about the legal separation. guess I just feel I'm not one to give advice when it comes to relationships! and you're a private person. so I'm glad you've written about it here.

dating again after all these years will be a challenge you can handle as well as you do everything else in life!

that's wonderful that you had a pleasant visit with your mom!

and happy belated birthday wishes!! I thought it was in Nov.-duh.

the neighbor's met on a dating site. they got married & have 2 little boys. she was a widow & always told she could never get pregnant! we just never know what life will bring us eh?

know that I wish all the best to you Jeannie.

((((hugs)))) Pati

[Jo6]

Happy belated Birthday, dear Jeannie. I'm glad you went out and glad you had a nice time. It makes my heart happy to hear you are getting on with life, for Jeannie!

I look back now and wonder why I felt like I needed to give everything I had to care for MIL. don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge taking care of her, but I should have paid more attention and gone out and do things besides going to NH.

You are a faithful daughter and I'm happy your Mom seems to have enjoyed your visit the last time you went. That always seems to cheer us up when there are so much that will cause us to slide down that hill of stress!! I'll pray you will have many more days that are pleasant when you visit.

I'm glad you are going out and enjoying life. Time gets by so quickly. I am glad to hear from you, I was getting worried and thinking I was going to have to send the County Monties out looking for you.((((Jeannie))))

All my love, Julia

[Jo6]

I thought of so much I forgot to say before, but that last post was for you, Jeannie.

Jan, how are you doing? I can't seem to keep up about your situation. Like, are you going to have to have surgery? I think of Hank and wonder how he is getting along. You just take care of Jan. that has to come first. Then if you have anything left maybe take care of Hank. I know you know there are many things you can do about his care. Don't be afraid to use respite care. Take care dear, Julia ((((Jan))))

Take care all and remember I love each and everyone of you!! s

[Jo6]

Pati, I've been thinking about what you said about housemate forgetting to take his meds, couldn't remember if he took them at all etc. Honey, that sounds very dangerous for him. If I remember correctly he takes meds for his Hypertension. That is one that could be very dangerous to skip or double dose.

When Ken and I finally decided we could not allow Mary to stay alone we had started finding meds. all over the kitchen and dinning room. Once I reached up in the cabinet to get a cup and pills spilled all over me. I asked Mary what they were doing up there. She said I couldn't remember if I took them or not so I put them up there. then she climbed up in a chair and got her med. box off the top of the china cabinet! and put the pills back in the box. She put the box back. I came behind her and got the box down and asked her why it was up there. She said "daughter" told her if she missed some or couldn't remember to put them in the box so Ken wouldn't find it.

Talk about seeing red, K was about to have a stroke. Sis said Ken was accusing her of trying to kill their Mom. Well, all he said was that was a good way to do it. He got the box down, got it straghtened out, got another box and put 1 days in it. He or I one would go down and make sure she took her meds. that day. By the end of the week we had moved Mary.

That was what had to happen for Ken to know for sure we had to move her and dole her Meds. out every day at the right times.

I said all of that because I've been thinking about housemate. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Only you know that. I know you are trying to keep an eye on him about a lot of things.

You didn't ask for my opinion, but I'll give it anyway because I care. I think he is suffering from some sort of Dementia

I lost my post and them pressed some button and it all came back. Wow, I didn't know you could get your lost post!! Love you Pai, Jo

[Ging]

Hello, my heart just broke this morning,my husband sent out an email telling the family and friends that he has Dementia, I have suspected this for a long time and have tried to get him to see his neurologist about it,but his moods Change so quickly that getting him to be cooperative is almost never. I have tried to reason with him about his medication, he forgets, he goes off on cashiers in stores, he tell me to shut up and always picks some kind of fight when someone is here. I have pulled away from friends,stopped going places with him except to family events, to day he unloaded all this on Facebook, our private stuff he put out their ,I am so shocked,
I am very sorry for jumping on here and crying to you all but I am , not in a good place at all right now, thanks for Listenig
GING ,from the aneurysm forum :(

[puddykat]

Hello everyone,
Sorry I haven't been around; I haven't the energy right now to back track, read what's been going on but have missed you all, have prayed for all of you too, every night that your burdens have eased.

Ging, my heart goes out to you and your husband regarding his dx of dementia. I also have a form of dementia called vascular dementia which causes seizures, tia's (small strokes) and larger strokes going on 7 years now I think. I hope you have someone to talk to about all this. There are an abundance of sites to google but make sure you google 'vascular dementia'. Sounds like your hubby is angry at the world right now and letting everyone know it too. I know you're going thru a multitude of emotions. If you care to write me my email is on my braintalk home page. I'd be more than happy to help you in any way I can; just give me as much info as you got from your doc as you can.....talk to me what you're feeling too hon. I've been thru this for 7 yrs, finding it very hard to find someone to talk to......so if you want to talk, I'm here. Not going anywhere yet :)

Could be he's going through a type of 'rage' we dementia people get too. I hope you get a great neuro doctor to help him; get him on some meds to control whatever problems he's having. Some do help. Only med I was on was Aricept for memory for many years, found it really didn't help that much, stopped taking it. But do what your doctor says, not what I did. Each has their own paths.

I had a very bad cold for 3 weeks/flu and haven't really recovered since. No appetite, I force me to eat, nothing look/sounds good. Do drink Ensure. Been sleeping alot, (which goes w/strokes/dementia in late stages) very tired all the time now (also in late stages), losing weight. Think my body is slowly shutting down. Never had much energy but this is much worse, fibro and regular pain doesn't help. Only thing now is to wait until I really can't manage my pain etc or control body muscles (and that's getting worse fast too) and time for hospice care. Strokes hhaven't stopped, very surprised one hasn't 'taken' me. Last one, couple days ago was a 'big' one.

I'm very at peace with myself, possibilities ahead altho it still might be a long road ahead, I hope, before I enter a hospice.

Just short update, know I love you all, miss you all; you've all been there for me when I need your help, support, and love. Don't know how soon I'll get back here....if you write, please email. More love, kat

[Ging]

Kat thank you for your kindness, I sent you a pm. You are really a trooper !
Feel better soon, ging :)

[Jo6]

Oh Ging

how my heart aches for you! Also for your husband. First to you, honey what a way to hear all of this awful news. Looks like he would talk with you first, but they do strange things sometimes and there is no accounting for it all.

I was one of my mother-in-laws caregivers. For quiet awhile I was the only one. I think back to all the hard times we went thru. MIL would ask family if she had Alzheimer's and they would say no! Well, since I took her the Neuro and he frankly told her, also told her to go home and get her affairs in order. When she asked me I always said yes. Then she would try to pick a fight with me.

So, maybe you need to go see his Dr. by yourself if you haven't already. You need to know how far along he is, in general. I know they can't tell for sure and you can go for years by gussing and by goshing, it is exhausting.

Ging, if I ask you questions and you don't want to answer its ok. MIL got violent and it was little by little until I couldn't handle her anymore. that's when we had to place her. Oh she fought tooth and nail. You can not reason with them.

Just watch your back. I mean no harm either. Can you erase what he wrote on Face Book? If family and friends know they will understand and know it isn't your fault. Find out what kind of Dementia he has. I read Cat's post. She used to come often but only every now and again. She wrote a lot of useful info about her kind of Dementia in the archives. You might want to go back and read some.

I wish I could make it all go away but it doesn't work that way. If you read Jeannie's post it gives a lot of info. He Mom is forgetting their names, but she also has cancer.

Please don't apologize for posting here. That is what this Forum is all about. Please write often and whatever you feel like writing. If you look back you will see that I posted often and I left nothing out! lol Please do feel free to post and vent or "complain" if you feel like it. I don't call that complaining and nobody else does either.

I know you are hurt, I know how that feels. It's kind of like losing a loved one, but the LO is still there and at times it will make you question your own sanity. Well, rid your self of those faults because it isn't you that is sick.

Please feel free to write often . Take care of yourself first because it will take its toll on you.

All my love, Jo ((((((Ging))))))

[Buttons2]

Ging,that's awful that DH posted on Facebook! glad you found this thread,you will notice some of us from Emotional Support are here also. we will understand all your anger,fear & frustration. so vent anytime you feel the need.

Kat,as always you amaze me. glad you have found acceptance now. what choice do you have afterall? hope your DH is NOT making matters worse. thanks for posting.

my housemate uses a pill container for AM & PM pills. I'm keeping track of his "symptoms". I have no control over what he does or doesn't do. his personality has changed. I think I mentioned the road rage? well now he's been telling me what to do. at first I was angry (how dare he?). then decided to just ignore him. wait 5 minutes & he'll forget what he said anyways afterall.

he talks enough that I can sorta figure out how bad his memory is getting. I just listen & observe his actions. also his reactions to discovering he messed something up.there was a time when I would have tried to reason with him but it does no good so now I keep my mouth shut. I've gone so far as to suggest he see a neuro. I don't want to cause him any alarm. I've come to accept that what will be wil be.

thanks to all you wonderful people I've learned enough to recognize the signs of dementia. I just hope it doesn't escalate too soon. right now he freely admits forgetting meetings,meds or whatever. I'm afraid if I make a big deal of anything he will just stop talking to me.

(((hugs to all))) Pati

Jan,you need to update us please,we worry about you,your surgery & dealing with Hank afterall.

same with you Karen!

[Ging]

Hello patti and Jo, thank you so much for reaching out to me, I have been lurking around this forum and the emotional support forum for a few weeks, I am recovering from my aneurysm surgery, so I am abit emotional just in that field.my DH moods change, so quickly, he can be very sweet and almost like the man I married then he turns into a mean talking "aim in charge"bully.
He forgets his meds, then when he takes them they are either too far apart or too close together.he has always been a very domineering guy, and I never stood up,but I finally did and I think that is what is saving my sanity.
His brother wrote to me today and told me that five of his family members had alz. His dad was showing signs two years before he died, and his grandmother, great grand mother, several cousins . ( please excuse my spelling, little stroke with the eye,I don't always hit the right key)
Hubby has been showing signs for years, not just the forgetfulness, but the mood swings.I never talked back before but now I do , but only when he starts on me.I know he is scared, I am scared, I would love to runaway and not watch anymore of this happen. We have been married for47 Years, four children, he is 73 and I am 65 . It may be hopeless , bit I just need to know how to survive this journey, the man I loved isn't here any more. :(