A "Real Confession" -- from an Old Timer...

[Mark N]

Lee, don't forget that GM is now Obama motors so I wouldn't buy another GM until they pay all the tax payer money back, they won't just claim they have. Ford was the only one that went their own way and I love their trucks can't say much about cars.

Dave I will come an haunt you too if you crack open that bottle. You are right that the slowness here is all the crashes and a couple were long ones plus FB but I can't get into posting medical info on FB.

[HellBoundTroll]

Slipping.....slipping....not quite to fingernail hold yet, but.....if I make it through tonight without falling...I'm trying...

[Mark N]

HellBound troll, you are almost through the day so hold on a bit longer. Tomorrow is a new start so all you have to do is hang on for now. I have learned with my pain to see it as something I can handle today and not to add any other days to my thinking because it would overwhelm me. As long as I kept my focus on today I could deal with it.

[HellBoundTroll]

HellBound troll, you are almost through the day so hold on a bit longer. Tomorrow is a new start so all you have to do is hang on for now. I have learned with my pain to see it as something I can handle today and not to add any other days to my thinking because it would overwhelm me. As long as I kept my focus on today I could deal with it.

Thanks for the words, Mark. I actually managed to make it through the tough spot.....

Had some friends over yesterday. Was supposed to barbecue, but we had some of that fine type weather Lee has been bragging about, so I did my infamous "oven-barbecued chicken." It's actually an America's Test Kitchen recipe and not too bad.

Anyway, they brought beer and wine. I managed to avoid the booze yesterday by telling them I'm taking Red Rice Yeast (an herbal cholesterol aid that does not mix with booze). But there is still a quarter bottle of French White Burgundy lying about. The beer I can resist, the wine is calling softly -- and in a sexy French accent....

Anyway, yes, I should toss it, but it is sort of a test. So far, sorta so good.

BTW, I've pretty much not told anyone about my "problem." Been a functional alcoholic now for, what, six years or so. Not something I want out there, so dealing with well-meaning friends is just going to have to be something I cope with....

Thanks again. I think just posting about the issue was a big help.

[Mark N]

HellBound Troll, it is great to hear you were able to avoid the temptation and it isn't always something easy to do. Sounds like you made a good dinner for your friends and it is a shme the weather kept you from BBQing. I was able to do some grilling for our daughter, SIL, and granddaughters this past Sunday as we had good weather despite the call for some rain that day. I have been fortunate to not have any cravings for alcohol or drugs so I don't know what it is really like to have the cravings. My uncle and brother both died from alcoholism so I am glad to hear you were able to avoid the temptation. Another day down and a new day today.

[Mark N]

HellBound Troll, I thought I would stop in and see how you are doing. Still fighting the temptation I hope. Have you made any progress on getting treatment for the pain you are dealing with? Pain causes us to do many things we wouldn't normally do because if it doesn't let up our minds need some kind of relief. I have had prettty good pain control the past few weeks but it comes with sleeping a lot more than I want to sleep. It is a Catch-22 situation for me, sleep and keep the pain levels down or be active and put up with high pain levels. We have been having Spring weather finally so I have been able to get out and do some yard work. It is nice to get out in the sun and sweat for a change feeling physically tired at the end of a day. Of course now after two days of wakefulness and keeping busy I will have a lost day of sleep in the next day or two.

[HellBoundTroll]

Hola Mark: Things are going good, I suppose. I did take a sip of wine the other evening. And when I say sip, I mean sip. I was curious, because I had not had that particular Louis Latour cuvee, and as expected, it was excellent, but i had just enough to whet the tastebuds. If I guesstimated, maybe 1-2 tablespoons. I know, bad dave, but....

My big deal lately has been sleep. It is all screwed up. I CAN Get by on 3-4 hours a night, if need be, for several days in a row. But this has been for nearly three weeks. Start to try to go to bed at 10 or 11, next thing I know it is 2-3 and I need to be up at 6. I know it will get back on track. And, I must admit, the sleep I do get is good.

Pain-wise, well, there actually may be a slight improvement. I know you mentioned that B-12 is important for nerve function and that alcohol does no good for many vitamins, including B-12. So, I have been taking my 5000mcg....Of course, I have times when I have a decent stretch of 3-7 pain scale pain often, rather than the usual 5-6-8-ish, so I may just having a good week or two and the more troublesome stuff could come back.

I have been visiting another forum (AACCCCKKKK, how dare I). It reminds me a bit of braintalk back in the old days.

It's a drug forum, focused on buying drugs from overseas -- many of the people there are addicts or those seeking recreational pursuits, but a good percentage have actual medical problems and either can't afford US drug prices or are unable to find relief with the options offered by their doctors, so are playing doctor and treating themselves.

I have no interest in the pain side of things. I originally went there when I decided to use Viagra or Cialis to deal with the problem the alcohol was causing me in the "manhood" department. No way I was going to pay the $40 and up price per tablet being asked in the US. Anyway, I found a generic firm (actually a well-respected firm that makes many of the generics sold in US drug stores) and paid about 70 cents a piece for generic tabs. Work great, but now that I stopped drinking, I can tell that problem has gone away, so I have a fair stash of these pills left. Ah well, there are worse problems.

Anyway, this is turning into a novel, so I better seek an ending....This drug forum actually has lots of great people who are great at giving advice on addiction and they have helped tremendously with the alcohol bit. The only problem is that the forum has grown pretty large in the past 18 months or so, so as I say, it is reminding me of how braintalk got to be a bit unwieldly.

So, I ask a question, get some great, insightful, helpful input and then someone jumps on a tangental issue and away the topic goes for four or five pages with dozens and dozens of posts. But, as I say, most of them are great and mean well.

That's about it. Have not "seen" Lee lately. I think she said she was going to travel -- was it to Tahiti for warmth -- anyway, thanks again for asking, hope my ramble did not bore you too much.

[Mark N]

HBT, not boring at all and no I don't think you are bad for tasting the wine as long as it remains just a taste. I know the prevailing idea is complete abstainence but I don't see a taste hurting if it doesn't lead to more drinking. Your issue with sleep strikes a nerve with me as I haven't been asleep since Tuesday evening. My sleep issues have been a life long deal though and is a consequence of my omnipolar disease. I have always gotten by with 3 or 4 hours sleep often going two days of work with no sleep the night between. Since my meds are so sedating it has increased my sleep but hasn't improved my sleep cycle. When I was working and sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night it didn't bother me at all and in fact helped me as a football coach since I could spend more time breaking down film. Once my meds increased enough that it really put me out it bothered me that I couldn't sleep each night and be awake during the day with the family. Now I get sleep when I can and use the time awake the best I can.

I hope your sleep cycle straightens out soon so you don't suffer too much longer. It sounds like the drug site you visit is a wild one the way BT used to be.

[Leeaelle]

Hey Dave --- Don't I WISH I was going to Tahiti!! The furthest south I'm going to get is my basement. And it's not pretty down there. ACK!
And by the way, I'm proud of you for passing the "test" of only taking a "sip" of wine -- although you really took a BIG chance!!! But still, good for you!

You're like Mark and I. Neither one of us sleeps worth a darn. Last night I think I got about 1 1/2 hrs of sleep. There are many nights I get NO sleep at all. Then I end up dozing in the afternoon. Mark does the same thing, or else he stays awake for 2 or 3 days. I've done that too, but usually I end up taking a daytime nap, which screws everything up for sleeping at night. And since I can't DO much to get tired in the first place, it's really a problem. NUTS.

This darn depression has been getting worse (again) so yesterday I saw the doc and he switched me from Cymbalta to Prozac. Trouble is, I was on 120mg of Cymbalta and he puts me on 20 mg of Prozac. Now, tell me -- do you REALLY think this is gonna work.? Heck no. He should have at least started me on 40mg.

Well that's my whine for the day (and I had some cheese too!). Wish everyone a GREAT day! Stay STRONG Dave!!! Hugs, Lee

[Mark N]

Lee, Your dr must not understand how much Cymbalta you were taking and how much Prozac is needed to match it. You are right about the sleep issues we go through. I either sleep a lot or stay awake for several days. I would love to have a regualr sleep cycle but what can I do since it has been this way all my life. HBT, I am proud of you too for avoiding the temptation. Not muchn going on today other than stopping by to see the grandbabies. The infant wanted grandpa to hold her the whole time and it was fun since she was smiling and laughing at me.

[HellBoundTroll]

Hey guys, I am going to slip back under the bridge for a few centuries, but did not want to waddle away Mark and Lee without saying thanks to both of you for the support, kind words, etc. I know you both have your own "worlds" to deal with and the fact that you took time to help me certainly means a great deal. Both of you are fantastic.

Well, that's enough gushing, I'm going to have a beer. Opps, meant a cup of herbal tea!

[Mark N]

HBT I hope you find your way back here now and then as you have added some life to this board. It can get awfully dark and damp back under that bridge so come out into the sunshine now and then. Thanks for the kind words and I remember support you shared in the past.