Still Hangin' in there

[JanM]

I brought Dusty to visit Hank this afternoon, it did not go well. He was royally pi$$ at me, he even tried to kick at Dusty. He thought that I hadn't been "home" all day and wanted to know where I had been. In stead of staying and being abused verbally I was going to leaVE AND HE STUCK HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR SO i COULDN'T CLOSE IT. tHEN HE STARTED TO FOLLOW ME TO THE TRUCK, SO i RETURNED AND WENT BACK INTO THE mANOR AND SAT DOWN IN THE FOYER. hE WANTED THE TRUCK KEY AND i REFUSED TO GIVE IT TO HIM AND HE START TO TELL THE STAFF THAT HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE. i ASKED THEM where the back door was and I left. (Sorry about the caps, I hit the cap lock by mistake and I don't feel like retyping that all over again.) When I got to the truck I heard him knocking on the door to get my attention, but I didn't look up. I cried on the way home. And I know it will only get worse.

[mrsjerome]

Jan so sorry to hear of your lousy visit. It’s impossible to say if all visits will be like this. For some reasons that I don’t even understand there are good days when they seem to be not so bad. Then of course the days that you just experienced when you wondered just what the heck is wrong to set them off like this.

It is a son of a gun trying to cope and deal with this. He’s your husband but there is not a lot that you can do to appease him when he gets like that.
With my husband he could be bad, then plateau for a while and then regress again.

I would try to treasure the days when he is in a good mood as these days may be far in-between. When he is ornery you are doing the right thing by leaving. Sometimes having a good cry can help with your own emotions. I have cried countless times myself

Take Care lovely lady

mrs j

[JanM]

I found this saying on the internet and I think it really fits here: "Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long" 'Nuff said!

[Jo6]

Jan, so sorry the visit was not good. You handle things well, but even the best of us break down and have to pull over on the side of the road and cry our heart out!

Ken admited to me long after the fact that he had done that many times.

What you posted last is so true! We all would be better off to remember that one

Mrs. J., its good to hear from you and I'm glad you are posting more. Although I haven't posted much I have tried to keep up with those I know are struggling. you take care too.

Love you both, Jo

[tic chick]

jan,

not only did i cry on the way home, but at the oddest places...in front of the romaine lettuce at meijer and other places in meijer's. earlier on, after i first put my mom in the nh, i would get dry heaves....feel like i wanted to throw up, but nothing came up. i guess you cannot vomit grief.

you will grieve twice for hank, while he is going through this dementia, because you are losing the person that you married, the person you knew, the person you wanted to grow old with. then you will grieve him when he dies. to me, thinking about my mom, i don't think i will grieve much when she dies, i will thank God that she is no longer suffering. grieving throughout the dementia decline is the strongest grief...i don't think i can grieve that hard twice.

(((jeannie)))

[Buttons2]

Jan,also sorry it wasn't a good visit. glad you come here & let us know about the bad times as well as the better.

what happened about the heart issue?

take care of YOU......(((((gentle hugs))))) Pati

[JanM]

Hank had an appointment with the heart doctor last Thursday and told Hank how close he came to "Buying the farm". Hank didn't understand what was said. Then the doctor sent him to the hospital for a blood test to see how well the Plavix was doing its job. If it wasn't, then the Dr would change his meds. Hank is taking Plavix because he has about a kazillion stents in his legs, but this was the first in his heart. Well. maybe not quite a kazillion! I offered to buy the aide and Hank lunch, but the aide said that they weren't allowed to eat with the family. I think that she can't accept anything from the family.

[joy]

I decided I'd like to try and let it all slide into the unremembered IF I could. I am so afraid there are some things that I may have trouble with when I start getting just a little older myself. I am so afraid I won't remember just who all those horrible things were happening to later on. They have a way of sticking in a persons mind. It always was so horrible wanting so bad to understand what dear aunt was saying. The look on her face just hurt so bad as she'd try to be understood.

[Buttons2]

Jan,at least you know this aide is honest. maybe get her a special card of thanks? surely no rules against that? no need to adjust Hank's meds sounds good. doc's explanation sounded rude though! well gotta take the good with the bad I suppose.

Joy,you are haunted with the past. we know you well enough to say you always cared & did your best. and none of us know what the future may hold for us.

[JanM]

The doctor did not use that phrase when telling Hank how close he came to not surviving the heart cath. I just put it in like that. Sorry if I left a wrong impression.

[JanM]

Today Hank got his "Daddy's Day gift from Dusty. It is a green fabric rocker recliner. I was in Ailene and found one at the Goodwill marked $75. I asked if they would take $50 for it and after the clerk looked at it, she told me that it was 'red tagged" and red tagged items are 50% off. I picked it up after my foot doctor's appointment. I stopped at a friend's to see if her husband could help me get it into the Manor, and he met me there. When I got to K.L. I asked the director if I could get a dolly, he had a guy bring one out and the guy also hauled it to Hank's room. To make sure Hank wouldn't get pi$$y about getting the chair I told him that it was from Dusty. Hank planted his butt in it and was still there when I left. It will be so much more comfortable watching TV reclined than sitting on the bed! I'm betting it won't be long before every dimple in his butt will be imprinted on the seat of that chair!!!!

[Buttons2]

Jan,well the chair worked out fine-good for you! I'm sure he appreciates it.

[JanM]

I visited the Hankster on Saturday and he had his butt planted in his chair when I got there. I am soooooo glad Dusty had me get him that recliner!!!!

[Buttons2]

Dusty has a smart momma!

[Jo6]

Jan, it sounds like you and Dusty are talking good care of Hank. Now, when do you get those test done? I'm way behind so please forgive me if it has already happened. Lets us know how you are too!

love and prayers, Jo