What's Happenin' (Part 2)

[dawnmn]

Jeannie, I'm so sorry about your ex. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

I'm weaning myself off one of my anti-depression meds. At first the withdrawals were horrible but it got easier as I dropped more pills. I'm still on one because it's suppose to help with weight loss and smoking. This was done at no thanks to my pysch nurse. She gave me no instructions how to withdrawal from the med. I had to research how to withdrawal myself. Everything is going good. Everyone things I'm going to go back to where I was three years ago. I have no fear of it.

My daughter might be moving back to Minnesota well actually to Wisconsin. I just hope everything goes right with their inspections. It would be nice to be able to see my granddaughters.

[clouds z]

Not much to say

[dawnmn]

I have a lot to say. 10 inches of snow!!!! What happened to the groundhog's prediction. He stated 6 weeks of winter was left. We are now at
least eight weeks out from that. WTH......

I'm suppose to go camping in 3 weeks. This has to stop. Also, where is the spring rains bring May flowers. I think it's going to be June flowers springing up.

OK rant over for now. I need to go clear snow off the driveway and then wait for the plows. I know I said rant over but I tried to go out last night and I should of had my ice skates on.

[houghchrst]

Krikey Dawn ten inches! I do not envy you. I am already disgusted with this dusting we keep getting every night. I wake to snow by the end of the day it is gone.

Another gray day though what do I expect in spring in Michigan lol. Will be warming up a bit soon and I will be more inclined to be out getting the yard ready. Cleaning the patio.

I have sort of forgiven the neighbors and their dog. I went over there to meet the dog that killed Brody and sadly she is a sweet heart. I can talk to them but it is not without a tight feeling in my chest as though I am going to start crying any minute. I don't want to forgive them, I don't want to be friends with them. I want to be mad at them and for them to pay. But that is just not me. I still cry about it, I have never lost a dog before. It is a sadness that is between losing my mother and losing our Sweetpea.

I have withdrawn Jared from the K12 program, he was failing miserablly. Both our faults. He wants to go back to school. Well it is called the Academy in our school district. Attend 2-3 days a week and the rest is done on computer at home.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into with home online learning. I was his learning coach and my job was to make sure he stayed on task 6 hours everyday. Teachers and staff texting me at least 6-8 a day. It was an incredible stressor. Lots of tears and frustration on both sides. I got tired of the fight. Think that the stress contributed to the stress the contributed to my heart attack. So after spring break this week he wants to physically attend the required two to three classes a week though he qualifies for homebound under his anxiety and encopresis label. The program is a dual program it lets students work at their own pace so if a child is falling behind or is ahead of the rest of the class they have a program they can join to help them succeed. The head of the program is very cool and his students love him. Probably cause he loves his students and it shows.

Posted some stuff under my pity party in Depression. Planned to go out today but checked my account and there just aren't enough funds. Gas has gone up. Easter prices they will slowly work their way back down.

I am going to meet my first possible foster tomorrow. Little pitty mix. Named Panda, he is white with two big black circles around his eyes. He is adorable. If he does well with my Dash and Bella I will be able to foster him until he gets adopted and he already has people looking to possibly adopt him. He will be vetted first and neutered. The rescue pays for everything. He is being rescued from an owner who keeps him chained up behind his trailer so he doesn't even have to look at him. The rescue has been keeping straw in his doghouse, food in his belly and off the giant chain he had around his neck and gave him a proper collar and tie out, for over a year. Owner wants a fee for them rescuing him if you can believe that. A lousy $40 for his year of taking care of the dog. Stupid people.

I am excited. Have been getting the house in order and digging out all of the pet supplies I have collected over the years. Quite a bit. I don't know if this is a double or not. I logged in and it said I had saved content so I just chose it and finished the post lol.

I am so bummed that there are so few here and so few forums running.

[dawnmn]

All I have to say is that I feel like I'm in a snow globe. 17 inches of snow from saturday to sunday. I'm done with this weather.

This is not helping my depression. Going on day 4 without leaving the house.

Chris, how exciting about getting a foster dog. I would have a hard time giving them up.

[tic chick]

hey all !

been so busy lately. there are so many forms to fill out after a person dies. bank accounts are frozen and you have to get them unfrozen. i had to go to the secretary of state to change a car title to my son's name. i have filed for social security on my husband's work record. i have filed forms to change health benefits to my name only. i went back to zumba so i could exercise this sadness and anger out, get some good endorphins from exercise and maybe come to terms with this.

i saw my therapist. i saw my primary care physician who was also my husband's primary care physician. this doctor is wonderful and that is why i stay with him. he knew my husband had died and he sat with me for a little over an hour and answered my questions about why this might have happened. he had a report from the hospital my husband died at and he told me there was an attempt to save my husband's life, but it came too late because he had already lost too much blood. he told me that my husband's physical condition prior to his hospitalization for the bypass wasn't as good as as we thought it was. my daughter knows that her dad was sneaking food and not really exercising much. she had him on a healthy diet, but he was cheating. because of what my primary care doc told me, i was able to write an email to my children and tell them what i had learned. i am proud that one of my children, who was having problems, decided to seek help because i told them to please get help if they were having a hard time dealing with their dad's death.

i know when i wrote about my husband's bypass on the day he had it, (early february), i prolly sounded unkind when i said i was glad that i wasn't taking care of him. it's so hard to live with a person addicted to a substance. you try and talk sense to them. you confront them. you get lied to. your heart gets broken because you think that the addict doesn't love you or their family enough to quit. but it isn't really that, it's a disease and it's the addict's denial or fear that they have a problem that keeps them addicted. i don't know how many times i heard my husband say, "i have this under control". finally, my husband quit drinking 3 years ago when he was dx'ed with a-fib. it was either quit drinking or die. so, he substituted eating for drinking. .

nonetheless, i did not wish for this to happen to my husband. i have waves of grief where i don't believe it happened. waves of anger. waves of sadness. i feel sorry for our children. i cry. we went through a contentious separation, but he said he had no interest in remarrying and neither did i. i was able to stay on his health insurance, which was excellent. i get certain benefits from his job that go to me as his widow, including his health insurance. i am thankful we were on good terms the last 4 years...it took awhile after the separation to not be angry about it, but eventually i forgave. i'm glad my children and i spent time with him the day before he died, i'm glad i held his hand. i'm glad i gave him a hug and a kiss before i left. i'm glad for the good years we had.

my bf has been very supportive during this time. he told me he thinks it's important for me to grieve as long as i need to and however i need to. it is strange to love a man and be grieving another, but they are different kinds of love.

just love one another. you never know when it's going to be the last day of your life or the last day of someone you love. forgive.

thank you for sharing and caring,
jeannie

[clouds z]

watching jimmy dore on youtube

[clouds z]

i think wireless internet is bad for some

[houghchrst]

Start with yesterday, May 1st, an absolutely glorious day weather-wise. Way to bring in May Michigan lol. First no sweater day. Actually got a bit warm come 5-6 p.m. Payday so got some business taken care of. Today the sun was out this morning and it looks as though it is about to storm now. Wind has kicked up and the sky is getting dark.

Jared has started back at school and he is excited, motivated and willing to go back and be with people. I had no clue until this last year how bad his social anxiety is. I always knew he was a bit shy and awkward with adults but he won't even answer the door most the time. So this is good for him. They have put him in adult education because he is so far behind but with this academy it is so much more. They prepare you for the world and do fun things.

I am feeling good these last two days. Back on all my meds. RiteAid, which I despise mind you, keeps messing up my meds so it seems as if I am in withdrawal from something at least once a month. I was off both my psych meds so I go into withdrawal and it makes me blue. Deep blue lol.

Pain management said that I have arthritis in my lower back, it is not severe, yeah well he can wear it and then tell me how severe it is, but said we will do injections first set of three on each side. He says they won't last long and then when they wear off he wants to do an ablation. He didn't call it that he gave it to me in layman's terms but that is what it boils down to. I stupidly forgot the results of the MRI so couldn't discuss it with him. He wrote me a scrip for aquatic physical therapy. My insurance told me a couple months ago that they would pay for hydro therapy as long as the proper hoops are jumped through and enough doctors sign off on it. Called yesterday and no where can they find that in the membership book. So maybe I call again and get somebody to help me who doesn't just grab a member guide.

Jared really pushed for the membership for the YMCA. I filled out a financial assistance application that I had printed off of their website and told him about it and he bugged for a couple of days about when we were going to turn it in so we went yesterday after school. By early evening I got an email to set up my account with a member number, it said inactive so I don't know if that changes when we use our membership or if the woman doing the memberships has to activate it. I went into the website and set up an account so I think we are in. this will be perfect if my insurance won't pay for hydrotherapy, I have free access to the water aerobics. I adore the pool.

CJ bought me a car but it needs a couple things done to it. Couldn't pass up the deal and since he is a first rate mechanic he knows it is worth buying and fixing simple things. He is so incredibly helpful. We talked almost everyday there for a long while but I am trying to rely less on him and I don't think it's fair to his girlfriend.

Was scheduled to see the pulmonologist this morning but they called me to cancel, doc called out. This is the second time. I will get the results of my ct scan. I know it will not be a happy affair. I know I have to quit smoking. I have been collecting the names of help lines and my insurance is paying for quit aids this month so I can get like nicotine gum. Can't do patches for some reason they make me suicidal. I was going to do cold turkey and try the hard candies, gum and suckers but I had medication last time and this time I dont have that back up so I will try the gum. I am obsessed with the thought of quitting smoking but just taking that extra step is terrifying. I am getting there.

I honestly am beginning to think that I am not going to be able to afford to stay here for the rest of my life. CJ only has another year of child support and there goes a big chunk of money I will be losing. I am trying to get taxes and everything caught up so I can get on a steady budget. Things keep breaking down and now I am going to have to pay someone to mow the yard because my mower is broke down. My bills are turning out to be more than I am taking in. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Things always have a way of working out I know now if I can just keep that in my head. Do what I can do and leave the rest to God.

the pup I was supposed to foster turned out to be heartworm positive. Thank God he was rescued and it was caught, he is young and it has not progressed severely but the treatment is dangerous for the dog so the rescue themselves are keeping him to make sure he is safe and gets the proper care. Our new foster is supposed to be signed over tonight and we will get him. A little Lhasa Apso. 5 yrs old. I will try to post pics when I get them. For some reason this puter will not accept the drivers for my camera or my phone I have no clue why so I can't download any pics, or is it upload, whatever lol.

Jeannie I am really glad that you and yours got to spend that precious time with your ex-husband , maybe helps give a bit of comfort and some closure. your new man is wonderful for being so supportive.

Okay this has taken me all day. My foster is here, scared to death and not socialized so I'm fixin to see if I can sweet talk him with some soft food. His name is Teddy and it is proper lol, he's a hot mess but he is cute.

[Firehorse]

I have been out of the loop for a while. Silly me, since what’s up with me has to do with epilepsy and seizures, I posted it in the epilepsy forum! I do however want it to get all the attention as possible for the benefit of BrainTalk. If everything happens the way I hope it does, I am thinking it could really break some heads, in the medical community that is...

From what I understand, this hasn’t really been done before...

Capturing someone fighting seizures on with EEG telemetry, then analyzing it digitally. Wow! I get to actually participate in this! This is something that I have been working on myself, and perfecting in my mind for over 20 years. I don’t know anyone else that does it the way I do.

There has been a lot more going on with me. I simply don’t have the focus now to report on it now.
I apologize for that, in time it will come out. I have been a bit depressed and down. This kind of experience might just be what I have needed to bring me back from my depression. I had always been active in epilepsy advocacy in the past. That’s what brought me to BT years ago.

As of Monday morning I will be on a 20’ teather, attatched to an EEG for at least 5days, off my meds, and getting no sleep. I will be online much of the time, either playing games, watching videos, or checking in here.

I will be publishing my final report on the experience here on BrainTalk Communities and the Neuromodulation Society website as well. This will include a summary of my history with epilepsy, and how I learned to how to recognize, and from there fight off the “aura”, or simple partial seizures, before they could spread or “generalize” into tonic clonic seizures.

The most ironic part is that my first seizure occurred when my family was out of the country, while my father was working to help pioneer technology in the field of Neuromodulation. It was 1975, and I was nine. Now I have a chance to add something to the research on epilepsy technology that came from that! How ironic and cool is that?!

[clouds z]

whats new here?

[Firehorse]

The thread I started in the epilepsy forum is titled Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register...

[joy]

a quick hello everyone. sorry to hear of others sadness and health problems. i have had way to many myself and as usual i never know how serious i am until i have to hear it from whichever doctor is in emergency room when i finally give up and go. but at least last visit i got out earlier than my 20 sometng plus days i had to stay last time.

after years of body hip bacvk pin i fginally have a newe diagnosis. adult scoliosis and a bunch more detorating stuff going on. had pneumonia in one lobe and did nt know and now have liver problems to asdd to my list. i live in a large enough town but have to go to a ugh city now to treat 2 of my problems. i will not be able to visit with you all much in future but just know i wish each and every one of you better health and happiness and someone to share it al with. and yep animals can give unconditinal love. i won't be able to handle a dog ever again but i am still managing my cat. lol hubby spoils her to death but at least he also helps out with litter box cleaning as well. hehas not done a bad jobn f taking care of me as well. and darn it all, liver problems and i never drank seems unfair don t ya think. lol i sure looked funny with janduice.

[houghchrst]

JOY how sweet to hear from you. Have missed you so much. I am sorry to hear that you aren't doing well, prayers going your way. Thank you for popping in and letting us know how you are. Give Mr. Joy a big ole hug from me for being such a great husband.

[houghchrst]

Welll these days have been pretty miserable. My pain makes it hard to walk even to the bathroom. My back injections were cancelled thanks to my insurance screwing up now I have to wait for about another two weeks. I'm relying so hard on these back injections I will be devastated if I don't get some relief.

These are my two fosters. They will be my last two maybe forever. The pain is just excruciating. One in the basement and one in the sewing room. Both are very sweet and one already has a home he will be going to. I tried. That is all I can say. It is too much work mentally, emotionally and physically. Not to mention that it takes a toll on my animals.



All of my tests are coming back fine. Even the pulmonary scans. Doc still says he doesn't know what caused my heart attack. Doing another leg ultrasound, he is bound and determined to find the cause. When I see him again I will once again bring up the Ibuprofen

My lawn mower is broke so my grass is knee high in some places. CJ is slowly getting it fixed. Replacing belts and pulleys. I hope to start today before he disassembles it to put the new pulley on.

Saw my shrink for med update. told him I am seriously depressed and what is going on at my house. He says I should be seeing my therapist every week lol, even she thought that was a bit much. So we are going every three weeks.

I'm done just depressing