OT November Chit Chat

[Pegakafarmgirl]

ANN,, so sorry, you got so sick, hope it runs it course,, nothing worse then being sick over the holidays,,

Cherie, gosh, sorry about your neighbor, and you are right, makes what we go thru,not bad,, my friend was trying to get dx'ed,, she thought it was MS, turned out it was ALS, she was 43, never made it a year, so we gotta look at the whole picture..

snowstorm, once again moving thru, Monday into Tuesday,, they say 8 to 10 inches,, yucks,,

[nuthatch]

Ann, so sorry you're suffering with bronchitis. It's so exhausting constantly coughing, especially when you're feeling weak and your body needs the rest in order to overcome it. Kind of a nasty catch 22 situation. Treat yourself gently and rest, rest, rest!
Jeanie too, rest, rest, rest!

Cherie, I do not know how you do what you do! I am exhausted just reading about it!
Sounds like your friend needs to get some help with his dad, even if it is for just an hour or two a day, getting him bathed, ect. It's a difficult situation that more and more people are going to find themselves in as this generation ages.
I am all too familiar with sundowners. My mother has had episodes with that each time she has been in a rehab facility recovering. Dad did too, only he was combative and we were never sure if it was just the medications that made him into someone we'd never seen before. It seems to happen to Mom, whenever she is in unfamiliar surroundings, but goes away as soon as she is back in familiar territory. Very common, but unsettling just the same. She would hear and see things that never happened, but swears to this day that it was so real!

One subject I would like to touch on is the subject of nursing homes. I have been reading about Cat's nursing home experience and am sorry it has not been a good experience for her, but I do want to say, not all nursing homes are alike and not all patients are alike. Many of us will find ourselves requiring nursing care one day whether we like it or not. No one likes to give up their independence, but sometimes it's simply necessary, so we just have to make the most of it.
I am concerned that reading about a bad experience makes all who read, fearful of nursing homes in general, so I want to share our experiences.

My mother and father moved into an assisted living facility in their late 80's when Dad had cancer and they could no longer manage at home, even with very expensive home nursing care. It was difficult for their children to suggest and difficult for them to come to the decision, but after much thought and family discussion they agreed it was for the best. The deciding factor for them was that Mom (who is nearly blind) would be already in familiar surroundings when Dad finally passed and wouldn't have the added trauma and stress of suddenly having to be uprooted on top of mourning the loss of her partner of 65+ years. My brother went and toured several assisted living facilities in the area before choosing one within the budget.
Unfortunately, my father died within a few months, but we knew that was imminent. Hospice was there and made it as comfortable as possible.

It was a huge transition going from the large 3500 sq. ft. family home they had lived in for 50+ years to 1 large room (living/bedroom) and one bathroom. My brother had to keep reminding Mom when she became sentimental while choosing what items she would have room for, that so many belongings were "just things".
I won't say that the transition was easy, but the staff at the facility were so good to them. True, the food wasn't what they were used to . . . how can it be when you are cooking for over 100 people with a variety if tastes and dietary needs, but I wouldn't categorize it as slop nor fit for hogs! They went to a dining room with assigned seating and tablemates for 3 meals a day. Every day they have two main course choices at every meal, soups, salad bar, lots of seasonal fresh fruits, cerials, cottage cheese & yogurts, juices, coffee or tea, and choice of deserts both reg. & diabetic. That's much more that I can do for myself at home! And if there is nothing offered that you want, you can at any time order a sandwich, made how you want with what's available. My Mom often wants just a simple tomato sandwich or a grilled cheese and a cup of soup. Easy and never denied.

The staff goes to great lengths to decorate the lobby, hallways, dining tables, room doors, ect. with holiday decorations and centerpieces. They even bring in kids from a neighborhood preschool to trick-or-treat (daytime) on Halloween! Mom loves that! Children come for a Christmas party too. If you don't like little kids, you don't have to go!
There is a once-a-month birthday party to celebrate residents birthdays, complete with a decorated birthday cake made by the chef. Lots of activity going on from exercise class, daily outside garden walks, shopping trips and lunch out, weekly church service, crafts, bingo, frequent live entertainment, tea parties (so cute!), cooking class ( the activities gal makes something, with the ladies mostly just watching or discussing, then they eat it!).

One of the favorite activities is the occasional auction, where they hold a live auction of goods or trinkets that the you can bid on using play money that is given out almost daily to the residents freely and generously by staff. Doesn't cost the residents a dime and the bidding is fun. Mom's "won" everything from new pretty socks to costume jewelry to stationary to scarves. Curiously, the bidding gets really competitive for stuffed animals, especially around Christmas time. Mom says it must be people getting gifts for grandchildren or great grandchildren.

They also hold open town hall meetings once a month where the administrator and staff can field questions, hear suggestions or complaints from the residents. They are well attended and no one seems to be afraid to complain! Staff representatives from every department are usually there, including the chef.

Anyway, I just wanted to give another view of nursing/assisted living homes. My other brother's MIL was also in a fancier, much more expensive facility. They were very happy with it. My own MIL moved into a place called Townhouse in Indiana, which was far cheaper than anything in CA. Hubby's sister lived in Indiana and we moved her there after FIL passed. Even though that facility was like a fine hotel, she would not let go of the past or participate in anything in the present, so was unhappy and became like a vegetable. Such a shame. I honestly feel like frame of mind is a big part of how happy you are, which in turn affects your health, regardless of circumstance.
My Mom makes a point of taking an interest in staff as people first. She learns their names, asks about their kids, how their weekends were, ect.
A lot of staff in nursing homes are making very low wages and going to school too while trying to raise families and make ends meet. It's a tough job and a lot of the patients are cranky, but someone's gotta do it.
Again, not all nursing homes are alike and there are some fairly good ones out there.
By the way, Mom just turned 92 and she is the youngest at her dining table by at least 5 years!

p.s. sorry to be so long winded.

[Catdancer]

You are quite correct, nuthatch, that there are nursing homes that are far superior....And more expensive....than the one I am in. There are other nursing homes and assisted living places here, too.... but since I had to first find a facility that would manage the wound vac, iv, catheter, and colostomy, AND would accept my private health insurance and Medicare combination, the choices were reduced to this one, and a couple of others that I knew were worse.

There is one menu here for everyone on a "General" diet like me, and then some specialty menus for people on special diets...but as far as I can tell, it's a matter of substitution: leave off sweets, or use margarine instead of butter, or sugar free jelly on the toast. But no choices available except dry cereal instead of cooked cereal....but everyone gets cereal. No lunch or dinner choices that I've seen anywhere. People do get taken to a dining Room where they sit 4 to a table. But the table is a bare Formica table, paper place settings, set with plastic dishes.

There were kids here for Halloween, but no decorations, nothing in the lobby or dining room to indicate a holiday. Nothing special for thanksgiving. A choir came by one day and there was a sing along. There are a couple of card games that happen weekly. Bingo once a week. Church service on Sunday.

I am by far the youngest person here. When I was going to the dining room for breakfast, the three other ladies at my table didn't greet me, or respond to my greetings. One appears to be suffering from some dementia.

For the most part the aides -- the lowest paid workers here (and in most facilities) have been friendly, helpful, courteous, skilled at what they do. As have some of the nurses. But then there are the others, who have been patronizing and condescending, who decide that 1am is a good time to do dressings, that barge in to a residents room unannounced with questions or "just to check" on me, or my equipment. My room here is just that..a room, one end sectioned off for a toilet and sink, a closet, room for a twin bed, a dresser, one overstuffed chair and my wheelchair. If I have visitors, one sits in the overstuffed chair, one in my wheelchair, while I'm in bed. More than two, the third stands, or goes down the hall to find a folding chair.

Anyway, yes, there are better nursing homes. And while I don't expect gourmet food, choices would be nice (the hospital I was in served pretty good food, with lots of choices for each meal, and I could write in what I want and if it was at all available, I'd get it. If a hospital can do that, why not here, just three blocks away? I should suggest they partner with the hospital and use the same food management p people!

Anyway, that's my experience that I'm sharing with you. Somebody should tell me to stop if I'm scaring you, or painting too gloomy a picture for you. Or you could just stop reading my posts.....

[agate]

Joan/nuthatch, thank you for reminding us that many nursing homes and assisted living facilities offer top-quality care. I have a couple of SILs who are in assisted living facilities that seem to be excellent, and there are nursing homes that are lovely--clean, cheerful atmosphere, enough room
and privacy, competent caring staff.

I wish they could all be like that. In a rich country like this one, seems to me our disabled and aging population deserve to be treated better than the meager options all too many have when care is needed.

[Cherie]

Slept this morning till almost 9. David been in bed since 3 yesterday afternoon and did not get up till 9:30 and is better today and spent a good part of the day once again working on leaf cleaning. Since it is the first day of Advent, I got all the electric candles in the windows on the street side of the house. David helped me empty and clean the pool and refill it. It is now heating and filtering. Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner tonight.

[Gary]

Slept this morning till almost 9. David been in bed since 3 yesterday afternoon and did not get up till 9:30 and is better today and spent a good part of the day once again working on leaf cleaning. Since it is the first day of Advent, I got all the electric candles in the windows on the street side of the house. David helped me empty and clean the pool and refill it. It is now heating and filtering. Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner tonight.

I guess David needed some extra sleep.

Helped my son set up the outside Christmas stuff. Last year I neatly zipped tied all the cables and lights. I had an outside plugs in the eve's of the house that are controlled by a switch in the laundry room. So everything is properly grounded and extension cord use is minimal. The best thing is no running around trying to plug and unplug stuff every night.

[Virginia]

I think there is some difference in assisted living places and nursing homes, even if they are in the same building and maybe just segregated by a floor. What Cat has experienced has been almost identical to what I saw my Grandmother go through in the nursing home, but not so much when she was in assisted living. I have visited in many nursing homes, and while I know there are some good ones out there, I have yet to find one.

When my Grandmother was in a nursing home I walked in one evening and her food had been brought in on a tray, however it was sitting part way across the room where she could not reach it. She would have had nothing to eat had I not stopped by that evening and what was there was meager and unappealing. I think the difference is that in assisted living the people just need help with some things, but are able to be up enough to not be completely be at the mercy of the staff. In nursing home they are far more dependent on who does what, when, how and even if at all. We were told that the one my Grandmother was in was supposed to be a nice one, but was absolutely not true. She, for the first time in her life, was afraid to speak up for herself because she was at their mercy. It was heartbreaking.

[Gary]

According to my daughter she has sent food back and had a new tray sent up. As she says it looks gross and its cold I wouldn't eat it and I am not serving it to patients.

[agate]

Gary, your daughter sounds like the rare person with imagination and a kind heart, who actually gives thought to the job she's doing. For all too many people it's a job they have to slog through another day of and they do the bare minimum. In a nursing home situation it's all too easy to think that the residents (a) won't notice that the food is cold or terrible and that they're not being tended to in a timely way, and (b) even if they do notice, there's not much they can do about it.

A while ago I periodically visited a neighbor who was in a nursing home that was considered one of the better ones around, at least for Medicare/Medicaid people. I would go in there to visit and go past the front desk first on my way to her room, which was down the hall but by no means up front.

Every time nobody batted an eye at that desk when I came and went. Nobody asked me to sign in as a visitor. Often there was no one even at the desk.

I could have been anybody and gone into that room and harmed that resident (or some other resident). In fact, the woman I was visiting told me that some man had come to see her and she'd had no idea who he was but he seemed to be selling something.

It looked to me as if she was more vulnerable in the nursing home than she'd have been in her own apartment where there were locks on the door and windows. This woman was available to anyone who wandered in.

[Pegakafarmgirl]

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register...

hope I did this right,,I can relate

[Catdancer]

According to my daughter she has sent food back and had a new tray sent up. As she says it looks gross and its cold I wouldn't eat it and I am not serving it to patients.

Funny you should post this. I outright rejected tonight's supper, telling the aid that I fed better looking food to my cats! It was a clump of .... I think hamburger mixed with mashed potatoes. And cooked cauliflower. It was called shepherds pie. I think some poor shepherd barfed this up somewhere and it ended up on my plate. Anyway I did claim the dinner roll, sent the rest out of my room, claimed my packet of 5 year cheddar from the kitchen on the floor and made a cheese sandwich. And a banana, the only thing I salvaged from my breakfast tray. Lunch was a piece of mystery meat.... I think some generations ago it was ham; And sauteed summer squash, which actually was pretty good. I think someone in the kitchen made a mistake and seasoned it with something other than salt. Dill, I believe... And boiled potatoes. Hard to mess up boiled potatoes... Anyway, I ate that and lived to tell the tale....

Tom Cat is coming today with sub sandwiches for lunch. That should get me through the day...

[Gary]

Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register...

hope I did this right,,I can relate

A must watch. As you read this you spend a lot of time saying "uh huh isnt THAT the truth!"

[agate]

Peg, thanks for the link! I particularly liked the ones about MRIs.

Lots of people without MS have sometimes told me in hushed tones that they were about to have an MRI or just had one. I have the impression many people think that MRIs are so special that only very gravely ill people get them--people sick enough to "deserve" such an expensive test!

Their jaws drop open if I mention that I've had 5 MRIs.

I can see a thought bubble over their heads saying: "Gee, and she's still alive?"

Lunch was a piece of mystery meat.... I think some generations ago it was ham;

Cat, that food situation is so bad that all you can do is try to laugh--and hope you'll get enough to eat somehow. If you'd asked them what the "mystery meat" was they might have said, "Be surprised!"

Glad you at least got a banana. They can't wreck it as long as it's still unpeeled. Hope someone will bring on more bananas--they're loaded with potassium! Some doctors say that if your potassium is low, eating a banana every day will help.

I think of shepherd's pie as filled with lamb and vegetables and potatoes and topped with a nice flaky crust. Sigh.

Maybe your imagination can work overtime on some of the food--pretend it's the real thing--you know, something edible?

[Jeanie Z]

:) Hi everyone. Cat I sure hope your meals get better. Peg thanks for the MS joke link. They are all right on target. Jeanie :)

[Gary]

Howie...... your absence today has been noted.