What's Happenin'

[Buttons2]

Dawn,glad the sunporch is getting done.

well the deer are now my enemy. after all this time I woke up to my geraniums & nasturiums having been eaten during the night. I'm so disgusted!

our days of waking up to sunshine ended this morning. in fact I have the furnace on. sure was nice while it lasted though!

one of my son's came over Sat. with his dog. dog has sure changed since last time was here. he plays with doggie toys now & enjoys the freedom of running in this huge lawn. got to chase a deer & a bunny.son bought a canoe & took dog out in the bay with him! I was not happy as the dog doesn't like water & didn't have a life jacket on him.

I'm getting really tired of fireworks going off every night. we had a big thunder/lightening storm & my doggie went nuts with fright.

quessing everyone that suffered so much in 100's heat is grateful for the drop to 80's now.

don't think housemate is gonna want to buy anymore cracked corn with the price going up. fine with me! we're not supposed to feed the deer anyways!

[mrsQ]

Between the plants and animal descriptions your yard sounds like part of a park ! The biggest landscape feature we have is a privacy fence and wistera that will take this place if I ever get where I can't mow for a week or two.

I' not going to lie and say I'm doing good. The caregiver stress is about to do me in among other things. I'm going to ask my doctor about some type of medication for depression when I see her on Thur. I have never been on anything and I'm not even sure she will write it but I have to find something to help.

[Fig]

Hello. I'm dragging along....haven't gotten any real sleep in 4 nights. Oh well.

Sadly, I lost one of my little birds. Kevin, one of the budgies died on July 4th. It's so hard losing them.

Mrs. Q, I take Celexa for depression. It works quite well for me.

Joy, take care of yourself.

Sorry this is short...I'm just so tired.....

[mrsQ]

There are times I think this site eats letters between hitting the reply button and the post showing up. LOL
I know I proofread my post the other day before I hit reply. I will admit to not being able to spell but dang maybe I was having more of a bad day than I knew.

Hope you got some rest fig.

[Buttons2]

Mrs. Q,I'm pretty sure the doc will give you something to help. as for the post? I've learned not to go back & make changes,if my spelling is off too bad. good to see you back here!

Fig,I cannot imagine going without sleep! hope you get some relief soon. and sorry about your bird-I know how hard it is to lose a pet.

yes this place does look like a park.and with the new roof over the patio I observe alot more wildlife activity. yesterday one of the baby swallows was on a vine on one of the hanging baskets! stayed there all afternoon. drove my old cat nuts cause she can no longer jump high. finally I knew I had to get the basket watered so I went over & turned it & the baby flew off.

it was very warm here yesterday-almost 80! now today barely 60. more thunder & lightening & my doggie has been barking all day.

someone said to try Bounce sheets as deer repellant. doesn't work on the young ones! the spike just stares me down if I wave my arms & yell @ him. his little horns are sure growing. don't worry I have enough sense to not provoke him or think for one minute he'd never harm me.

the fields just got cut & bailed. I saw a young coyote running across neighbor's field & to my horror it got a little bunny that was under a hay bail.

had 2 eagles also,all the predator's are here for the prey in the field's. then one landed in a tree right in the backyard here! been ages since I'd seen any eagles. (thanks to the idiot neighbor that caused them to abandon their nest).

hope y'all will have a nice weekend!

[mrsQ]

Ok we need to take up a donation to have a live streaming nature cam in your yard. :)
I guess we have more nature here than it seems because we do live out in the woods, but we are off a busy roads with lots of other homes. I may just miss it because our home is not set up where it looks out onto anything except what is inside our privacy fence which other than the lab is just weeds.
I just went out to the garden and it needs attention.
The doctor did prescribe me wellbutrin so we will see if it helps. She seems to think is more stress and lack of sleep.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.

[joy]

Marion I am sorry about Kevin. i too know how hard it is. ll i could think of is my old dog mean ness this 4th when the firerackers were going off. he so hated this sound and would just tremble. it had been since last october so i know it will take some time yet for you to get over the loss.

pati it all sounds so lovely and again i am glad you have a covered back. enjoy the view for all of us. to dawn, NO i am barely able to get into kitchen with my "knee walker" you really should look that up if you have internet connection that is good, lol. I still am getting in way t6oo many steps and am anxious to see what foot doctor has to say this thursday.

my nails are getting so long i can hardly type, except for the ones tht were so long they torn off intyo quick. looks weird but i cannot do anything about cutting them just now. at least while i am going to foot doctor he is cutting my toenails, lol. at a cost mind you. i am glad i am not diabetic but my things do cost more because i am noty. go figure i am not good and in fact am penilizd for it but oh well. i figure things will gtew bewtter
sorry about spelling.

inh fact i get anxious every time i repicture the foot doctor sticking that q-tip inside the other hole within a hole, an ulcer. yikes best quite talking about it. i do get leg cramps when i try to use the knee walker and have started doing leg exercises in bed best i can.

so no worries if i am absent cause the laptop cord is still missing and t is better for me to just stay away from trying to get inside the computer room!

mrsq i am sorry about your pain. my scoliosis is bothering my breastbones pretty bad and my back even tho i am down quite a lot. i hope you get something for depression. years ago i took zoloft and it worked wonders for me. mind yuoi i said years ago. now i am not on anything for depression just something for anxiety and more because of this foot lately. take care everyone jo you too siatica is awful and i hope yours gets better soon.

[tic chick]

hey everyone !

we are once again in a hot spell here. tomorrow the temp will be in the 90's again and more humidity with it.

i have shovelled and moved into my yard about 2/3's of the 3 yards of dirt i had delivered here and put in my driveway. as soon as this is finished, i have another 3 yards coming.

okay, i am kind of freaked out about something that happened yesterday. i didn't shovel dirt, but i cut dead flowers off my rose bush, watered my flowers and cleared some weeds from the side of my house. i did it in the evening when it was a bit cooler. i came inside at 930 and listened to some classical music on you tube, went on facebook and checked my email. then i played this song on you tube, it's laurie beechman singing the song "memory" from the musical "cats". she sung it on the phil donahue show a long time ago and unfortunately laurie died from cancer not long after that. i kept playing this song "memory" over and over...i'd just hit replay. this song brings up so many feelings inside of me, i usually end up crying or feeling sad when i listen to it...so why in the heck did i keep listening to it over and over and over?

i had one drink at 900 after doing the yardwork, something i do once in a while to relax. around 1130 i don't know what started happening to me, but all of a sudden i was crying and feeling scared. i took a cool shower, but i was afraid to take my meds because i had that one drink even though the drink was probably out of my system after 2 and a half hours. i was feeling light-headed and then i started feeling like i couldn't breathe and i had a pain on my left side. i realized then i was having a full-blown panic attack! i haven't had a panic attack in over 25 years! i specifically take clonazepam for panic attacks and that has kept them away since i started taking the med.

i took my meds then and i started to feel better in about 20 minutes. i am still freaked out from this panic attack. it is a reminder of the 12 years i spent suffering from 3 times/week panic attacks and trying to hide them from my children because i didn't want to scare them...i didn't want them to feel like i couldn't take care of them, the same feeling i had when i was little and my mother was leaning on me to help her with her problems when i was having my own.

i'm not going to avoid listening to that song or having a drink or anything i did yesterday for fear of having another panic attack. i think this was an odd occurence and i'm just going to chalk it up to a combination of circumstances on a hot july day (i hope). i am still anxious that it happened though...i have to get a few days away from this before i can feel okay again.

of course i can't stop thinking, why now?

but still freaking...

thanks for reading and letting me get it out.

thank you for sharing and caring ,
jeannie

[mrsQ]

Jeannie I hate you had the panic attack.
Maybe it was due to you doing so much out in the yard? I'm not sure about the medication you take but some level drugs seem to be less effective in the summer if the person is sweating a lot. Or maybe you were a bit dehyrated and the drink had more of an effect than it normally does? Just wondering outloud with you.
I hope it does not happen again. (( hugs)))
Karen

[Beader]

Jeannie,

I'm also sorry to hear about your panic attack. But one does not a pattern make, OK? Keep up your postitive attitude because it was ONLY one.

WHY did it happen? Heat, exhaustion, maybe playing the trigger sad song a thousand times while not having taken your meds? I've learned the hard way that music can be very evocative for me -- after my dad died, every song became sad. I really haven't played music since then & it's been ten years. But I've also learned that certain songs are really triggers for me, that they take me back to a certain time place, person, situation, & I start to relive it again, like playing a videotape in my head & body -- I am there again, experiencing it like it was the first time. Smell too can go straight to the most primitive part of the brain w/out us even realizing it. What do roses do or mean to you?

I don't want to sound too pedantic, but a while ago I read about state-dependent learning, where when you learn something in one mind state, you also recall it better while in that state. I can certainly apply that to emotions. Once the right stimuli cross me over into a different head state, it has its own internal logic there, the "old tapes" play loud in my head, & I'm back feeling like a neglected misunderstood teenager. Or a jilted lover. Or the feelings are getting so overwhelming that I can't stop crying until I'm gulping air & then that's scaring me more because I recall when that I couldn't make that stop. And that's too freaky to think about -- I don't want to go there again ever.

But the reality is that I'm older & probably a teensy bit wiser, tho' I'm loathe to admit it. Now I know there's a pill bottle on my nightstand which can aid in lessening this state, can bring me out of it, if I wait a little bit, even tho' the waiting is tough and I'm not sure I'll make it out the other side. I have confidence that you know that too, somewhere inside. It doesn't have to be the way it used to be, before you learned how to take better care of yourself. That's the good thing a group can do -- remind you that you are better, that it don't have to be the way it was when you had zero control. Honey, you're not back to zero, you just had a minor glitch in the system. Better? A cyber backrub to make you feel calmer.

May today be brighter and not frightening. [But I was looking for a shining sun...]

Hugs,
Sher

[Buttons2]

Jeannie,I don't think you'll have another incident like that. you always learn & adjust. so have faith in yourself. the heat alone could have been a trigger I'd think? anyways I hope you are much better now (((hugs)))Pati

weather is so wacky here I never know what to expect! been sitting outside reading alot. actually went out to my shop yesterday & did a little work but it was too hot inside there. just wish all the stuff left would go away. I dread having a sale.

housemate's bio uncle passed away & he's driving to other side of state tomorrow for the funeral. this uncle was a wonderful man & many people loved him. he suffered from alot of pain from an injury in WW2. that's alot of years to suffer! he was 90 in May & got to see all of his family then.

the neighbor that keeps an eye on my folks said in an email that she doesn't go over much anymore cause of my brother being there. she agreed with my accessment of Mom being on another planet these days.

neighbor dog has been visiting more lately. it really infuriates me they keep her tied up pretty much 24/7. just found out she's not fixed! well nothing I can do except complain I guess.the little girl that hunts the dog down is always so cheerful & upbeat it's nice to chat with her. I need all the uplift I can get any day!

stay cool all of you enduring another heat wave!

[tic chick]

hey everyone !

thank you karen, sher and pati for your insights, empathy and (((hugs))). it does help so much that you are here to support me. it's hard for me to talk about what's bothering me sometimes, because i am used to thinking i can handle everything alone and when you have a panic attack you can't handle anything, even yourself. i feel better today and i will definitely talk with my therapist about this next week.

i understand what you mean about learned behavior in a certain mind state, sher. i always felt so lost as a child, having to figure out the world by myself. i think on sunday the song "memory" triggered that mind state of feeling lost and alone. i think the person that helped me the most when i was a child was ann landers, the newspaper advice columnist. i was reading the newspaper when i was about 9 and it seemed like a lot of questions i had would be answered in her column.

i also believe a lot in "smell memory". there was a neighbor who came over to talk to my mom and dad on sundays. he always had on this great after shave lotion. not many men put on aftershave in the mid-60's, but he always did on sundays. i didn't know what the scent was until i was in my teens and smelled it in a store. it was "old spice". now not many men wear old spice anymore, which is a shame because it is a nice smell...and i immediately turn my head to look at a man if he passes by and is wearing "old spice" . enough of that...

well, it is officially 101 degrees here and humidity in the 60% range...really bad. i have been inside with my bedroom a/c on and the dogs with me. i've done a bit of reading and relaxing, no sense doing anything else. tonight a cold front will pass thru and it will only be 87 tomorrow.

well, i'll let the dogs out for a bit and then back to the bedroom.

keep cool, everyone and thank you again for your caring.

thank you for sharing and caring ,
jeannie

[Fig]

Where Is DeeDeeLynn?

I haven't seen a message from her in ever so long. Does anyone know if anything has happened?
Is she all right? I certainly hope so......

[joy]

marion so good to see you staying with us still. there seems to be a lot of people missing. i am also wondering if they don't have as much to say and are just reading?

welli am hobbling outside and trying to put out water for my birds and i know i should not. but i have done this for years and it is hard to see them out my window looking. it is so very hot and dry and i know food is scarce.

i will have to read and catch up to comment on more it is just so good to have this cord found for the laptop so i can do that now who-ooooo.

[mrsQ]

Glad you found the power cord for your laptop.

I'm just taking it day by day around here. I just hope this antideppresant will actually work and help me out of this hole I am in. It doesn't help that I have reached out to some people in my life only to be let down by them, I should have known not to ask .