June Chit Chat

[Virginia]

Yes, but Nuthatch, I was telling the truth I really do not feel like it. If I make plans one day for the next, I might not feel up to going anywhere and that in itself is stress. Also, if I socialized with these people I would have to update my wardrobe and I certainly do not feel like doing that. I wear slacks all the time and have nice ones, but all skirts and evening type things are outdated now. I had rather talk to all of you, see family and read. If I thought I had to go out to a boutique or someplace and buy any clothes I would just hate it. I use to love it, but no more. Walking is too hard just going to the grocery store and drugstore to take on any more.

I don't really like it, but I like it better than be under any stress.

[nuthatch]

Virginia, here is a pic of Tula with Dahlia taken a few months ago. Dahlia did not come with the girls the last visit. She has been having arthritis problems in her back. She is 7 years old now and large dogs are prone to back, hip, and joint issues. She is such a sweet dog and I hate to hear she is in pain. Tula so loves her.

[Virginia]

Nuthatch, the pictures get cuter and cuter. I just love this one. Tula is always so precious and this dog just looks like one I would love to hug. I am so glad she likes dogs. I too hate to hear that Dahlia is having arthritis in her back. I am sure they can tell when she is in pain. They are truly family. I wonder how much Dahlia weighs. She is one big dog. Maybe it is because of their size that they get arthritis. Such a shame.

[agate]

nuthatch, that dress on Tula is charming! In fact, the whole outfit is quite the fashion statement! What a lovely photo!

Virginia, I don't know how you feel about people doing matchmaking but I run from it myself. Even when the intentions are the best in the world (and they usually are), I still run from it because so often the two people involved realize that there has been matchmaking going on, and they feel under a certain amount of pressure from the get-go. Things can be very awkward just when they shouldn't be.

But if you don't mind having matchmaking done, maybe you should try meeting this man? It might not hurt to go to dinner, particularly since you've made your limits clear to his daughter.

As time goes by, I realize that MS should and sometimes even does give us one benefit that we often don't realize we have--we can do whatever we want, when we want, in whatever way we want--provided nobody is pressuring us.

I hope you'll use that privilege and do whatever you think is going to be best for you, without feeling under any obligation to the woman you spoke to or her father.

[Sunshine]

Adorable picture of Tula Nuthatch :)

Virginia— I wouldn’t want to do that either. However, for different reasons.

But to tell yourself you would have to shop to update your look etc, is to put an irrational boulder in your path. There are plenty of rational ones dictated by MS, ... why add to them irrational ones?

I bet he is just lonely and looking for companionship....

[Virginia]

I am pretty certain they are a very nice family. Kathy, the lady who does my nails, told me that she had met the Mother when she was alive and that she was always very well put together and very attractive. She said she had also met the Father, that he had been in to pick up the Mother and the daughter a couple of times. She says he is "cute", tall and nice looking.

However, I just don't want to do it. I have had enough stress in my life. Having been widowed young, I met quite a number of men. Some were very nice. However, I have been away from that scene for a long time and I just do not want to get back into it. Believe me it is stressful at any age and at my age it is very stressful.

I am flattered because the daughter is someone I always felt was so nice looking, very well dressed and very friendly. So, knowing how crazy she is about her Father, for her to think I am suitable is quite a complement.

This puts me in a position of now having to call her and try to explain that what she sees when she sees me is not what she can count on at any given time. In other words I now have to try and explain the stage of MS that I have reached. She means well, and I look fine, but I cannot count on what the next day will bring as to how I will feel. I don't even want to go out with family today because I was out yesterday and I feel so tired, but because it is a sister-in-law's birthday I am going.

[SuzE-Q]

I understand, Virginia. I'd feel the exact same way and wouldn't consider it an irrational boulder that I'd placed in my path. Every aspect of the undertaking would place a huge strain on my resources and would leave me in worst condition when meeting him given the physical expenditures involved in making it happen, let alone the stress attached to it.

These are very real obstacles that would create more challenges than I would be comfortable trying to overcome in that circumstance, as high a compliment as it might be to have been considered.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

Virginia ~

It might be different if Laurie's dad was visiting, and she invited you to join them for coffee or lunch. But it sounds like her dad is seeking a companion for regular outings. You don't want or need that kind of relationship. I think it's fair to say this to Laurie, as an introduction to your explanation. You can use the example of your sister-in-law's birthday to explain how MS affects you and impacts your social life.

Men don't do well after their spouses die. My dad started looking for women to date within months of my mom's passing. My neighbor across the street had many female friends, after his wife died, when she was 80.

Men, who've been married for many decades to strong, capable women, don't know how to get along without female companionship. I would guess that Laurie's dad fits into that category.

He's probably a very nice man, but he's looking for someone, who can fill a void, which you aren't able to do. You aren't making excuses. You're being honest and thinking of this man, as well as yourself, in declining the offer to meet him.

It's very difficult, when you have to turn down social offers, because of unique circumstances that many people don't understand. I've been doing it for over 20 years, and it does hurt to have to explain and feel bad that we are disappointing someone.

Please don't feel bad about explaining your reasons to Laurie. Your decision is best for her dad and for you. Just thank her for thinking of you, and for the many nice things she's said to you and about you.

Deep breaths, dear. You have enough stress, and this doesn't need to remain on your plate.

I'm sending you positive energy and healing prayers ~

Love & Light,



Rose

[agate]

I can really understand, Virginia. Maybe you'll meet this man in some chance way and he'll turn out to be a nice friend to have, without any thought of becoming partners for life.

A person usually feels obliged to go through quite a bit of preparation for appearing at any social event.

[nuthatch]

Wow, I guess I should have kept my mouth shut about this subject! I certainly did not intend to put any pressure on you, Virginia. I'm sure that this girl sees that her father is lonely and has the best intentions for both of you.
Isolation is one of the hardest things to live with. Feelings of being unpresentable is another. These are things I deal with every day. I don't want that for you, Virginia.

Hugs

[Virginia]

Thanks for the input - it helps, however I already know that my answer has to be "no" to this situation. I was so tired this evening and it was all because I tried going out two days in a row. I can't even blame the weather because it was perfect MS weather here today, in the 70s and low to almost no humidity.

Nuthatch, you did not in any way put any pressure on me. I know you want the best for me, as all of you do. The truth is that MS is just hard to deal with. I wish we all felt better and felt like doing more. If I saw you I know I would absolutely not find you unpresentable no matter what your situation. After all how could Tula's Grandmother ever be unpresentable?

As some of you may remember I was in a very long term relationship (18 1/2 years) that ended about 6 years ago. At first I was stunned, but even after that long of a relationship, within two months I felt relief and the lifting of the stress. We were together every Friday night, Saturday night and sometime if something was going on that related to his family, or one of his clients it was more often. I always had a well rounded and well thought out wardrobe because I felt I had to. He was a lawyer and we entertained and were entertained by his clients and also his many law fraternity brothers who remained in this area or came to town. I knew before it ended that MS was getting to me and I was getting worse. I also knew I was tired. When I got into this relationship about 25 years ago I was in a different place and it feels now like a different body.

On a brighter side, I went to the grocery store this evening after my brother brought me home from eating and a man stopped me in an aisle and told me how much he liked my outfit. He said I had put everything together really well. He was a much, much younger man and was not flirting, but just being nice. It made me feel good after what I had said about my wardrobe needing updating. Anyway, isn't it funny how things just sometime happen at a time when it really is needed.

Rose, if I had your way with words this would not be a problem for me at all. I will and have advocated for my family in the past and fought like a Tiger when needed, but I am not good about doing it for myself. I don't know why, but I just find it hard to stand up for myself the way I would a family member. Thanks for giving me an opening about her Dad needing someone who can do things with him on a regular basis.

[Virginia]

For Ann: My brother picked me up this afternoon and we went to a small town that is on the outskirts of Raleigh. I realized I had been to that restaurant once before. So, I had crab cakes drizzled in roumalade sauce, with fried green tomatoes, asparagus, corn relish and a baked potato. The food was pretty good, but it was too much. They needed to leave the baked potato off. However, I left about half my food.

I felt like Howie had opened a restaurant there and had not told us. One dish had Howie's famous cream sauce and another one was a dish that Howie had come up with and it had pasta. I thought how fitting. Then I saw on the back of the menu something about Howard's kitchen and realized why several things had Howie's name on it.

[agate]

Howie's been running a restaurant without letting anyone here know? Maybe it's a restaurant for cats, specializing in sliced turkey?

New businesses opening up everywhere! There was a grand opening of a new supermarket not so far from me, in the location where another one had recently closed. I'd need transportation to get there but at least it's only a few miles away. I understand that it's part of a chain. It's called Shun Fat and seems to cater to those who like Asian food, which I often eat:

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I thought that the name referred to a place where people interested in shunning fat would shop, particularly since the grand opening story on the news showed a store that contained mainly fresh produce, but the name is the transcription of a Cantonese word meaning "favorable distribution":

[Virginia]

Agate, looks like they have lots of vegetables. The photos make it look very appealing. Maybe you can find a way to go and check it out when they open.

[agate]

It does look appealing--though I don't know about the pork feet but then I'm not one of those people who believes in using every part of the pig but the squeal....